You Only Have to Ask
by The Muse of Apollo
Summary: Grief changes the path that Kate Beckett had laid out for herself in 1999. It affected her career, it affected her mentality, but more it affected her family. Because of her Mother's death, she left it all behind. Can a chance encounter 10 years later help her make up for past mistakes? Sometimes to receive a second chance, one only needs to ask for it.
1. Chapter 1

**a.n. This was originally meant to be a part of the Halloween bash event that was held last year, but it just didn't get done. This will be a fairly long story, and updates will happen slowly, so be patient.**

 **It also has some angst and what some might call "Kate Bashing", but that's not really the point of the story. I also realize that it's probably not going to be all that original.**

 **Finally, I've changed the age of one of our heroes. In January 1999, Kate is still 19 (born 17 Nov 1979), but Castle is only 20 (born 1 Apr 1978) instead of the normal 8 or 9 year difference that we see in canon.**

 **The rest of what has changed from canon (of which there is a lot), will be discussed in the story.**

 **I don't own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

 **31 October 2009**

Richard Rodgers was well known for his child-like exuberance. It didn't bother him that the "serious" people he knew called him immature, not at all. He could be serious and broody when the mood called for it, but that was boring. His being a man-child also helped him raise his son, or at least he thought so. Without that immaturity, he'd have had a hard time relating to his son as he grew up.

So, it would be no surprise to anyone who knew him, that he was taking Halloween as seriously as he was. It was one of his favorite holidays. Alex, his son, thought so too, which meant that they always went all out. Full regalia was the name of the game. This year, Alex was dressed up as Luke Skywalker and Rick was dressed up as Hans Solo. He'd thought about dressing as Darth Vader (the whole 'Luke, I am your father' thing being too hard to resist), but he wanted to avoid a mask. They'd had some problems with stalkers this past year, and a mask would hinder his view. He wouldn't put his son at risk just for a cheap joke.

Once they had everything, they'd set out to hit every apartment in the building. They'd then go to his Mother's apartment building and hit every door there as well. Rick knew that when they came home, they'd have a couple sacks of candy, which they would consume well before Christmas. Alex had as much of a sweet tooth as his dad did. Alex's mother had also had a sweet tooth, but Rick didn't want to think about her.

-:::-

Their apartment building had been a lot of fun. They knew pretty much everyone there, and had even teamed up with some of the other kids in the building to go door-to-door, making it one big excitement-fueled party. The only downside had been the brief encounter with Linda Mays, who was still flirting with him blatantly. She'd been after him for years, and if he'd been interested in dating at all, he might have given her a chance. She was around his age and she was gorgeous. But he wasn't interested in dating. He had only been on a few dates since Alex was born, and he didn't think that'd be changing any time soon. He was fine with the little family he had for himself. Changing it would only complicate matters, and that was something he wouldn't do. So he had rebuffed her politely as always.

The taxi ride to his mother's building was taken with an air of excitement. Usually, they stopped trick-or-treating once they'd finished their own building. But now that Martha had moved back out of their loft, they were going to get to go somewhere new. Alex was bouncing on his seat excitedly, barely being able to hold his excitement in. Rick just smiled down at his 10 year old son. It was nice to see him so excited for something that wasn't a book. His son was a bit of a bookworm (like his parents), and that was fine, but Rick was always trying to make sure Alex had the full range of childhood experiences.

"Gran is going to be there, right Dad?" Alex asked.

"Yeah. Though I doubt that she'll be in costume. She says that that sort of drama should be reserved for large audiences."

"I thought she said life was but a stage?"

Rick laughed. "Yeah, she does say that, doesn't she? She can be such a drama queen." Alex giggled.

The rest of the ride was spent chatting happily about the spoils they'd already gathered. Mrs. Norman in their building always gave out full-size candy bars, so she'd been their first stop. They'd both scored full size Butterfingers, which was awesome. They also talked about some of the costumes they'd seen on the kids from their building.

Once at the apartment building, everything was going great. The response rate was a little less than their own building, but that was to be expected. They approached the fist door on the third floor with their usual exuberance. The light was on, so they were hopeful that they'd score some more loot. Rick and Alex were jokingly going through their favorite Star Wars lines when the door was opened.

Rick trailed off from his opening sentence when he came face-to-face with a woman who was both a constant presence in his life (thanks to his son) and his biggest source of pain.

For the first time in almost 10 years, Rick Rodgers came face to face with Kate Beckett. Police officer. Childhood best friend. And Mother of his child.

"Kate?"

-:::-

Kate Beckett wasn't one to participate in traditions. At least not any more. After her mother died, everything had gone away. But this year, since she had Halloween off, she decided that she wouldn't be a downer by refusing to participate in the tradition of trick-or-treating. She'd turned her apartment light on and had stocked up on some fairly cheap, but tasty, off-brand candy from the grocers down the street.

It had been a fairly slow evening, as most of the kids in the building still avoided her door (as she had ignored trick-or-treaters in past years). So she was fairly startled when her doorbell rang. She grabbed her bowl of candy, and flung open the door (after checking the peep hole, making sure that the people beyond were in fact trick-or-treating).

The smile on her face faded when she saw the two people that were standing at her doorstep. Rick.

She couldn't stop the bowl of candy from falling out of her hand, causing bits of candy to go scattering across the floor in every direction.

"Kate?" She heard Rick whisper.

With a single word. With the single action of opening a door, really, Kate Beckett's world came crumbling down around her. She stared in shock at a face that she truthfully thought she'd never see again.

Pain and devastation flowed through her. Feelings that she'd been able to ignore for 10 long years overwhelmed her. She moved her eyes to the little boy that was standing looking adorable in his Star Wars getup. The little boy who still had her eyes, his father's nose and hair. Kate felt her knees go weak as she viewed her son for the first time since she'd willingly given him up after his birth. This was her son. _Her son_.

To be honest with herself, she would have to admit that she'd done her level best not to think about the child she'd given birth to at the age of 19. She'd pushed all thoughts of him away after her painful breakup with Rick (her fault), and had buried herself in the Police Academy and her mother's case. She'd put all thoughts about her child and the man who she loved more than anything behind a brick wall and refused to ever think about it. All those memories held nothing but pain for her. Pain and immense guilt.

She'd found herself pregnant shortly before he mother died. In fact, she and Rick had been planning on telling her parents about the pregnancy (and their engagement) at the dinner that her mother never showed up for. After they'd laid her mother to rest a week later, she'd almost had an abortion. She was in no shape to be a mother, and she knew it. The only thing that had stopped her was Rick. Rick had told her that he wouldn't let her kill their baby. That he'd raise their child, even if she wouldn't. It had been the last straw in their relationship, of course. He would hardly look at her after that, not that she could blame him.

Rick had helped her through her pregnancy, had held her hand during through the labor, and hadn't said a word when she refused to even hold her son after giving birth. She'd signed the papers to allow him full custody, and had signed up for the Academy for the Spring session (her son had been born in September).

Now, ten years later, the wall that held all of her feelings for the man she once thought was the one she'd spend all her life with, for the son that she had given up, came roaring forth into her mind, causing tears to flow down her cheeks.

"Ricky?" She whispered, her voice small and shaky. She wanted to reach out to him, touch him. She wanted to pull her son into a hug. She wanted to shut the door and cry for the rest of time. She didn't know what to do.

What could she do?

-:::-

 _Thoughts?_


	2. Chapter 2

**a.n. Here's chapter two. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, faved and followed. Just so you know, the romance of this fic will take a while to get going.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

-:::-

Rick stood shocked for several moments before he was brought out of it by a polite voice.

"Trick or Treat!"

Rick tore his eyes away from the woman he hadn't seen in ten years and looked to his son who reminded him so much of the woman he had once known. He could tell that Alex knew something odd was happening, and the young boy was smart enough to break the tension.

He turned his attention back to Kate. She was still looking at him as if she'd seen a ghost, the candy she'd dropped still on the floor at her feet. She didn't appear to have heard Alex.

"Daddy? Is something wrong?"

"No, of course not. I, uh, I know this lady, that's all. She's an old...friend of mine. Here I'll introduce you. Alex Rodgers, this is Kate Beckett my childhood bestest friend. Kate, this is Alex Rodgers."

The introduction seemed to break Kate out of her shock, at least visibly. She started to look back and forth between them frantically.

"Uh, it's nice to meet you," she finally said. With that she bent down to pick up the candy and the bowl that it had been in, successfully hiding her face with a curtain of her hair.

-:::-

Kate wanted to run. There didn't seem to be any other choice to her. She didn't know what she'd even do if Richard Rodgers came back into her life, let alone how she would even go about being a part of her son's life.

So many things had changed since her mom had died, since she had been in love with Ricky Rodgers. Rick was only a year older, but he'd been so excited to be a father. She'd been a little excited too, but the death of her mother changed everything. She changed. In that single moment, she no longer saw a future for herself. She had a mission. She would get justice for her mother, and nothing would stop her. Nothing else mattered to her at that moment than finding the scumbag who had taken her mother from her.

She regretted it now. Ten years later, she still had no justice. All she had was regret and guilt over having abandoned the child she had bore for her first love. She knew her mother would have been disgusted with her choices. For sure her father had been, and still was. She hadn't had much contact with her dad in the last 10 years. She knew that he'd had a problem with alcoholism, but that he'd been sober for eight or nine of those years.

Her life wasn't bad. She'd been dating an FBI agent for almost a year now, and she had just been promoted to Detective First Grade. But she would never get passed the _what if_ questions when it came to both Rick and the son she had given birth to. She didn't know, however, if she had the courage to find out the answers to any of those questions.

-:::-

The rest of the night passed in a blur for Rick. He dutifully took Alex door-to-door and ended up at his Mother's apartment on the top floor. He couldn't help but be a bit disappointed that Kate Beckett had dismissed him so easily after coming face to face with each other for the first time in a decade. She'd simply stood up after collecting the wrapped candy, had handed Alex a handful, wished them well and shut the door.

Maybe he'd been a fool to expect more. After all, it'd been almost ten years since he'd seen her in that hospital where their son had been borne. It'd been so long since she'd refused to even hold their child, so long since he'd walked out of a hospital a twenty one year old single dad, who had just been dumped by the love of his life. So much time had passed. Time wasn't going to miraculously change who Kate Beckett was. So yeah, maybe he had been a fool.

Later that night, after he'd put Alex to bed in his mother's spare room, he sat looking blankly at the far wall of the living room. The walls were adorned with posters from the greatest Broadway shows ever (according to his mother; who would only look innocently back at him if he pointed out that all the posters came from plays that she'd been in herself), and other eccentric pieces of art that fit his mother's personality perfectly.

"Richard, what's wrong?" he heard his mother ask as she sat down near him on the couch. They had a good relationship. She'd been his rock for so long, especially in those hard years right after Alex was born.

"I saw Kate today," he said finally after several moments of silence. There was no need to keep it from her, after all.

"Really? Where?"

"She lives in this building, down on the fourth floor."

Martha sat stunned for a moment. She knew her son as well as any mother, and she knew when he was hurting. She knew that despite the face that he put on for his family that Kate Beckett had hurt him more than anyone ever had. She knew that his fiancées abandonment had been the defining moment in her son's life. She couldn't imagine how he felt seeing the woman who'd left him behind after so much time.

"Are you alright?" She asked, scooting closer and putting an arm around his shoulders.

"I'm okay. She didn't even acknowledge me or Alex, not really. She just wished us well, and sent us on our way. I...I've never really understood her choice, you know? I couldn't understand how any parent could just give birth to a child and then abandon them. I guess I still don't understand."

"Grief changes people, Richard. For some, it breaks them completely. When that happens what is rebuilt is often different, harder, maybe. I'm not making excuses for her, I'd never do that, but maybe that's the answer you're looking for."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Martha asked quietly, "Now that you've found her, are you going to try to make contact again?"

Rick thought for a moment. "No. I'm not. I can't force her to be the mother she should have been. Maybe she doesn't even regret her choice. I'm not going to barge into her life and force anything on her. She's a cop, if she wanted to find me, she would've done it long before now. Besides, as much as Alex deserves to know his mother, I don't want to upset him. I don't know if she'd be a stable presence in his life, and I wouldn't let her hurt him by leaving again."

Martha nodded, agreeing that it was the best choice. That didn't mean, however that she couldn't engineer a little meeting between herself and Ms. Katherine Beckett. Just the thought of it made Martha want to smirk evilly.

-:::-

Kate was sitting quietly when the door to the apartment was unlocked and her boyfriend entered. It was late, and the flow of trick-or-treaters had stopped several hours earlier. She'd been lost in thought most of the night, remembering things about her past, wondering about those _what if_ questions that always plagued her.

"Kate? Why are you sitting in the dark?" Will Sorenson asked as he sat down on the couch beside her. "Are you attempting to recreate a proper Halloween atmosphere?"

"Will, do you have anything in your life that you really regret?" She asked, ignoring his attempt at humor.

-:::-

 _TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

**a.n. Here's the next chapter. Thanks for the great response to this fic. Again I'll say that any romance in this fic will take quite a while.**

 **Disclaimerthingy: I don't own Castle. I miss Castle. I wish it were still on. Anyone know of any TV shows that are as good as Castle that are still on?**

 **-:::-**

"Dad."

Rick was sitting in his office staring at a blank Word document when he heard his son's voice. It was the day after Halloween, and it was time for him to do some writing. He had not, however, written one single word in the last three hours of trying. All he could think about was Kate Beckett. Damn her.

"Yeah, buddy?" Rick asked, looking up from his laptop.

Alex came into his father's office and sat down on the couch that sat opposite the big oak desk. "Who was that lady last night? The one you said you knew?"

Rick was silent for a moment before he asked, "She didn't look familiar to you at all?"

Alex shook his head.

"I'm a little surprised. You've seen pictures of her, but she does look quite a bit different than she did at 19. Her hair is shorter and highlighted red." Rick stood up and walked around the desk and knelt in front of his son. "That was your mom."

Rick watched as his son's eyes went wide with shock. He'd done his best to make sure that Alex knew things about his mother, despite having never met her. He showed him pictures from their childhood together, and of them after they'd started dating. He even had a couple of Kate after Johanna had died and Kate was well into her pregnancy. He wouldn't let his son go through life wondering who his other parent was. Rick himself suffered through that life, and he didn't wan that for his son. The one thing he couldn't do was give Alex his mom back. Kate had made it plainly clear before Alex's birth that she wanted nothing to do with motherhood. The ten years of complete silence after that only served to underline that point.

"M-my mom?"

"Yeah. I didn't know she lived there."

"What about Gram?"

"You know your grandmother. If she knew something like that, she would have never kept it to herself." Alex laughed softly.

"Why...why didn't she say anything?"

Rick sighed. "Well, I think she was just shocked. Kate was never good at dealing with shock, so she did all she could."

"W-what happened to the two of you? Why didn't she want me?"

"Oh, buddy. I know you've asked that before. I'm sorry, you know? In all honesty, the reason your mom wasn't around had little to do with you. You see, shortly after we found out she was pregnant with you, Kate's mom was murdered. The killer wasn't found, and it hurt your mom real bad. It changed her. She...uh…decided that she couldn't be a good mother for you and went to be a cop to try and find her mother's killer."

Alex stared at his father with wide, watery eyes.

"Hey, buddy, come here." Rick leaned forward and pulled Alex into his arms. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you a mother, bud, but you'll always have me."

Rick held the brokenhearted young boy, cursing Kate Beckett for making their boy cry.

-:::-

She'd told Will everything. He hadn't known she'd had a child, and he hadn't taken it all that well. She didn't really understand his position. He wasn't disgusted with her choice, but instead seemed jealous that she'd had another man's baby. Which was just stupid, as he had once told her that he didn't have any interest in children at all. That was one of the things she liked about him. He was just as invested in his career as she was.

They hadn't really fought, but she could tell that he was upset about it. She'd never told any of her other boyfriends about her past with Rick. Not that she'd dated a lot since her mom had died. She'd had a few one night stands, and had dated another cop briefly right before she had passed the exam to become a detective. Her relationship with Will was the longest relationship she'd had since she'd ended her engagement with Rick. Their relationship was comfortable, and she'd considered marriage, but knew they weren't there yet.

For days after Halloween, she'd been overwhelmed with thoughts about how her life had played out. She had been successful for almost a decade at burying her feelings about the child she had given up. The only times she had thought about her baby boy was when her father brought it up in the months after she'd given birth. It was one of the reasons she had distanced herself from him (along with the fact that he had forbidden her from joining the Police Academy). Every time they had met up he had brought up Rick and their child, and she just couldn't take it any longer. She didn't want to think about it, so she didn't.

Now she couldn't stop.

Would it be so bad if she got to know her own child? Could she? Would Rick even let her be a part of her kid's life ten years later? Her heart ached with the need to be close to her child. It was something that she hadn't felt before. She'd been so focused after her mom's death that she hadn't even felt a connection to her own child after his birth.

But she longed for that connection now. All it had taken was a single encounter. She wanted so badly to get to know Alex. Alex. It was a nice name. It wouldn't have been her first choice. James, at the time, would have been her choice. She'd loved her dad so much that naming her first born after him was something she had dreamed about since she was a teenager.

The question she had to answer now was if she had the courage to talk to Rick again. Did she?

In the end, it was almost decided for her. She was in the lobby of her apartment building retrieving her mail when she came face to face with Martha Rodgers.

"Katherine, darling! Rick told me you lived in my building! How are you, dear?"

Kate stared at the older woman, her eyes wide. She hadn't even thought about why Rick and Alex had been trick-or-treating in her building of all places. Now she knew. Martha lived here too. What were the odds?

"Martha?" Kate stuttered out. She continued to stare on in shock as Rick's mother engulfed her in a tight hug. The hug was both awkward and not. She'd known Martha Rodgers since she was 4 years old when she and her son Rick had moved into the house next door to her parents home. She and Rick had been best friends almost from first sight. They'd been inseparable all throughout elementary school, middle school, and most of high school. They'd started dating when she turned 14. Martha was there through all of it, so much so that Kate spent almost as much of her childhood at Rick's house as she did her own. Martha had always been a hugger, and Kate was astonished to find that she had missed being in the older woman's arms.

Martha pulled back, holding back her smug smile. It had been insanely easy to fluster the young woman.

"So how are you?"

"I-I'm fine. I didn't know you lived in this building."

"Yeah. For a couple years now. And you?"

"About a year, actually. My...uh...boyfriend and I chose the apartment together." Kate didn't understand, really, why she mentioned that she had a boyfriend. Her brain was still trying to catch up with running into yet another person from her past.

"Ah. So I hear you saw Rick and Alex?"

"Uh...yeah. I did."

"That's it, Katie?" Martha asked, finally losing her patience for this awkward conversation. "You met your son for the first time in his life, and that's all you have to say?"

Kate's eyes widened. She'd never heard Martha be so blunt before. "I..."

Martha sighed. "Listen. I'm not expecting anything, and for sure Rick isn't. But maybe you should talk about it. I'm sure you have regrets. Maybe it's time to make amends?" With that Martha handed Kate a piece of paper and walked towards the elevator.

Kate looked down at the paper in her hands, trying to keep her fingers from shaking. The entire encounter had only lasted about five minutes, but Kate felt that it had changed everything. The paper had a telephone number on it. Kate knew what Martha wanted her to do.

The question was, could she do it?

-:::-

 _ **Thoughts? Reviews are welcome.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**a.n. Thanks everyone for the reviews and such. This chapter is about double what I normally post. Hope you like it.**

 **I apparently made a mistake with Alex's age. I said that he's nine going on 10 when he is in fact 10 as of the Halloween this starts on. He was born September of 1999, so in October of 1999 he would indeed be 10 years old. Math is hard, people. There's a reason why I'm a writer and not a civil engineer. My bridges would be just a little short. Also, the date in ch1 was originally 2008. I've changed it to 2009. It's just easier than making a whole bunch of edits. For sake of authenticity, we'll say that the events of 1x01 have not happened in this universe (at least not yet).**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

 **November 22nd 2009**

Eventually, life got back to normal for Rick and Alex Rodgers. Alex continued going to school every weekday, continuing to amaze his father at how great he is at learning new things. Rick had gone back to writing his sixth novel, the third in the Derrick Storm series. He had never really regretted his career choice, but it hadn't always been an easy one.

The two years after Alex was born, Rick worked part time at the New York Public Library and wrote when he had the chance. He spent almost all of his time outside of work with Alex, playing games, going to the park, and reading. He'd always been a voracious reader and he had instilled that in his son, who by the age of four was reading complicated novels for children twice his age. When he'd finally finished _In a Hail of Bullets_ he'd thought he was done. Writing was therapeutic for him, but he didn't really see how he could risk everything by trying to get it published. He just didn't think it would happen. So he put it in a drawer, and started full time at the library.

His mother had dug it out, showed it to her friends, and in 2002 it was published under the name of Richard Castle. Goodness, he loved his mother.

Since then it had gotten easier as his novels were very successful and made him a lot of money. His agent and publisher continued to tell him that he could make more money if he was seen in public, but he didn't want to be _that_ sort of famous. Even with his face relatively unknown, he and Alex had had problems with stalkers in the past. It was why he hadn't gone through and changed his name to Richard Castle officially and had instead relied on the anonymity of the Rodgers name.

His confrontation, if one could call it that, with Kate Beckett at Halloween had been shoved aside for the most part. It hurt both him and Alex too much to talk about it, so it was forgotten, and life returned to normal.

That all changed when his cellphone rang during an intense writing session. He only answered it because Alex was out at a friend's house, and he didn't want to miss a call from his son.

"Hello," he said distractedly. Storm was not cooperating at the moment, and he was just trying to get to his next deadline without Gina murdering him. That woman was way scary (as Alex had said once). He was glad he had only ever tried to date her once before realizing that she was a bit too crazy for him.

"Rick?"

His hands froze mid-word when he heard her voice. What the hell was Kate Beckett doing calling him? Moreover, how the hell had she gotten his private cellphone number?

Ah. His mother. Goodness, he hated his mother sometimes.

"K-Kate?"

Silence reigned on the other end of the line for a moment before he heard, "Yeah, it's me. Uh, look, I know this is awkward, but I was wondering if we could get together and talk. I know it's been ten years, but...I'd really like to get to know Alex. Can we talk about it?"

She wanted to get to know Alex? A part of him, a rather large part of him to be honest, wanted to shout at her and tell her NO! No, no, no, no, no, no! Absolutely not! Then he was ashamed. He wanted his son to know his own mother, right? This was the chance to get the two of them together that he'd been wishing for for so long.

But he also knew that Alex could be hurt. Rick didn't know Kate Beckett anymore. His last memories of her was of her trying to avoid even the sight of their son as Rick carried him out of the hospital room he'd been born in. What if she left again? He could see it now. She'd spend time getting to know Alex, being a mother to him, and then she'd just leave again, devastating Alex beyond all repair.

Could he take the risk? Did he even have a choice?

Rick didn't know the answers.

Finally, he answered, "I'm not sure that's a good idea, Kate. I'd give anything to let Alex know his mom, but I don't know that I can trust you."

"I...I understand. All I can ask is that you give me a chance. I...I should have made this call years ago. Can we, please, just get together and talk? Please?"

Rick sighed. "I- Look, can I think about it? I want to talk to him about it too, then, maybe, we can get together and talk. But I make no promises, okay?"

"Okay," Kate whispered. "The number I'm on now is my cell. It's best if you call me here."

"Okay." With that, Rick hung up the phone. He groaned as he leaned back in his office chair, wondering why Fate hated him.

-:::-

It wasn't as if she had expected a positive reception right from the get go. She had actually expected that he would say no. She had no expectation that after ten years of silence that he'd let her have any part in her son's life. The son that she had abandoned.

Kate winced.

Now that the prospect of knowing her son was in front of her, the guilt of not being there for him was beginning to overwhelm her. She'd successfully buried it for ten years, but now, she couldn't stop thinking about how she had utterly failed at life. It felt as if she'd failed her mother. She had been so torn up by her mom's death that she hadn't stopped to think about what she was doing. It had taken her ten years, ten years too long maybe, to realize that she had gone about her entire adult life in the wrong manner.

She'd given up Rick Rodgers, a man she knew would always hold at least part of her heart.

More importantly, she'd given up her child. It seemed unforgivable, even to her. She just hoped that Rick would give her a second chance to be in her son's life, even if she didn't deserve it.

Will didn't like that she was making the effort. In fact they'd been arguing about it since she'd told him about her run in with Martha. Almost constantly, and she was getting sick of it. Add on top of that the Job Offer of Doom, as she'd come to call it. Why he thought that she could just up and leave New York City and transplant her entire life to Boston of all places, she didn't know.

His comment about not having anything but her job holding her to the city had hurt quite a lot. She had decided that she wasn't talking to that douchebag again until he removed his head from his ass. And she wasn't going to let him decide her future for her. She'd done enough damage to her life by herself, that was for sure, she didn't need him making it worse.

-:::-

"Hey, buddy, how was school?" Rick asked when Alex came bounding out of the building the held the middle years of Marlowe Academy.

"It was great, Dad! Our science project was a smash hit!"

"That's great! What about art class? I know you were looking forward to it."

"It was okay. Mrs. Simms said that my art was "derivative" whatever that means."

Rick laughed as he ran a hand affectionately through his son's dark brown hair. "There's a famous quote by a famous painter that says 'good artists copy, great artists steal.' And, while you probably don't want to say that to Mrs. Simms, you can at least know that you have something in common with Picasso. Besides, I think all art of any form is derivative these days. It's more in the interpretation that differs."

Father and son continued to walk towards the waiting car.

"Really?" Alex asked.

"Yeah. Look at it this way, I'm an artist, I guess. And there are a bunch of mystery novelists in the world, right? None of us are all that different from the others. Patterson has his own style and certainly puts out more books than I do, but we still both write mysteries. It's a formula that works for both of us."

Alex nodded. "Then why do you hate Patterson so much?"

Rick laughed again as they got into the waiting car. "I don't hate him. I'm jealous of him. There's a difference. Don't tell you grandmother, however, that I told you any of this stuff. She'll never let me hear the end of it."

Alex laughed.

By the time they got home, both boys were grinning like fools, like always. They'd bantered back and forth, and had their usual good time. However, Rick was brought down a little by the conversation he planned on having with Alex after dinner.

-:::-

"Alex, we need to talk about something serious for a minute," Rick said later. They'd had a great dinner, and had settled in the living room where Alex had pulled out his homework and Rick had grabbed his laptop.

"Sure, Dad? Did you finally get a girlfriend? I heard Gram say the other day that you need to get 'laid' whatever that meant."

Rick growled, thinking of ways to punish his mother. He remembered that conversation well. He'd been moping a few days after Halloween, when she'd entered the loft. She'd told him to grow up and get over Kate Beckett. She'd then told him that he needed to go out and get laid. She even offered to watch Alex for him overnight so that he could "let out of some of the stress."

"No, Alex, I didn't get a girlfriend, and you're too young to know what the word laid means, okay? You remember when we talked about your mom?"

Alex looked up from the social studies book he'd opened and stared at his father. "Yeah?"

 _Bite the bullet, Rick,_ he thought. "Well, she called the other day. She wanted to know if she could meet you in a few weeks. Maybe once the Christmas holidays start."

Alex stared wide-eyed at his dad. "Really?"

"Really," Rick nodded. "You don't have to, you know? I've told you some stories over the years, and you have pictures, but that doesn't mean you have to meet her."

"I don't understand. Why now? Is it just because she saw me again? Does that mean if she hadn't seen us on Halloween, she'd not want to meet me? Like ever?"

Rick sighed. "I don't have answers for you bud. I really don't. I can tell you this. Once upon a time, Kate Beckett was a wonderful young woman who I loved very much. So much I was going to marry her and follow her across the country to go to a college I happen to dislike quite a lot. When we found out she was pregnant, none of that was going to change. And I was so excited that you were going to be in our lives, and she was too. She was nervous, as was I, but we were happy.

"When her mom died, she didn't handle it well. It's not something you or I can really empathize with as we've always had each other, and as your Gram said to me after Halloween, grief changes people in ways that we can't even imagine.

"Whether or not the Kate Beckett you might meet is still the amazing woman she once was, I don't know. I'll do my best to find out before you meet her, but I can't guarantee anything when it comes to the future except that I will always be there for you, and I will always love you. Got that?"

Alex slumped into his dad's arms and let out a few tears. "What if..." he whispered, "what if she wants to take me away from you?"

"Ah, buddy," Rick replied, trying to hold back his own tears, "that will never, ever, ever, happen, okay? You're mine, and that will never change, even when I'm like a hundred , and you're changing my adult diapers."

Alex pulled back, "Eww, dad, gross. Just gross, okay?"

The two broke up laughing, happy that no matter what happened in the future, they'd always have each other.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. Sappy ending, eh? Next chapter will we see Rick and Kate in the same place? What's going to happen to Will? And Alex has a moment with his Grandmother. Also, Kate and her dad have a conversation, and Jim reveals something shocking.**

 **Reviews are like really, really good candy. I love candy, I love reviews. Give me candy, give me reviews.**


	5. Chapter 5

**a.n. And here's the next one. Again, a little longer than I had planned, but I like you guys, so it's okay.**

 **Also, the problem with my math continues. I was right the first time, in that Alex was supposed to be nine going on ten, as I had originally put this fic in 2008 not 2009 (thank you Mr. Guest Reviewer for pointing it out). However, instead of going back and changing a whole bunch of things, I've decided to keep it in 2009 (I've already made the changes in ch1 and ch4). For the purposes of this fic, the Tisdale case (episode 1x01) has NOT happened yet.**

 **As I've decided that this fic will be fairly long (around 35-40 chapters I'm guessing right now), I could use a beta. I'm not terrible when it comes to proofing for spelling and such (though I do miss things like Hans vs Han in chapter 1, and Merry vs Marry in the last chapter), but I'm not so good at inconsistencies like dates and stuff. So, if you're interested in being a beta, let me know.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

 **November 30 2009**

Thanksgiving had been rough for Kate Beckett. They'd had plans with Will's parents, but that had fallen through because Will was still being an asshole and she refused to go anywhere with him. Hell, she wasn't even talking to him. Anytime he'd enter a room, she'd leave it as quickly as possible. She slept in the small guest bedroom they were lucky to have (and usually used for storage), and ignored his pleading to come back to their bed.

He still hadn't decided about the Job Offer of Doom. To her, if he really loved her as he said he did, it should have been an easy decision. They'd built a nice life for themselves together in New York, and she didn't see why that had to change. Sure, the Job Offer of Doom was a great opportunity for him, but that was just it: it was _for him_. He didn't seem to even consider her opinion on the subject, and that was unforgivable. If wasn't going to choose her over a job, then she couldn't see how their relationship could continue. She just hoped that he saw the light before it was too late.

The other thing that bothered her was that she hadn't heard from Rick yet. She had hoped that she would be able to meet with him soon, though she acknowledged that she was being selfish. She'd already wasted so much time, and for no good reason. Why would he want her to be around their son after so long apart?

On her drive into the precinct that day, Kate pondered over her life at it currently was. Prior to Halloween, everything had been good. She wasn't happy, but she was content. She hadn't been happy since January 1999. Will was wonderful, and they were living together, maybe moving towards something more permanent. Her job was great, and she was excited to finally be the team leader. Everything was as good as it could be.

Then she'd met Alex for the first time since she'd given birth to him, and her entire world shattered. It shattered because she realized that she had been amazingly selfish. Sure, she'd been 19 and suffering from a traumatic loss, but did that really give her an excuse for leaving behind her own child and a man she'd agreed to marry? She was coming to the conclusion that it did not.

That was why she wanted desperately to make it up to Alex. She knew her time with Rick was gone. She had Will (at least for now, the douchebag), and was happy with him. Her romance with Rick was gone forever. She just wasn't the same person at age 29 as she had been at age 19. But she could still salvage something with her son, or at least she hoped she could.

She was brought out of her thoughts by her phone ringing shrilly from the cup holder of her cruiser.

"Beckett," she said crisply.

"Kate?"

It was him. "Rick?"

"Uh, yeah. You...didn't use to answer your phone with your last name."

Kate smiled a bit, despite her nervousness. "It's habit. I guess it's a cop thing."

"Right. Uh...listen. I've talked to Alex. He wants to meet you, but I think you and I should meet first. Are you free for lunch sometime this week?"

"Yeah! Is Friday good?" Kate asked, her heart beating faster. Alex wanted to meet her! She tried not to get her hopes up, but it was hard not to.

"Sure. Friday, say 1 o'clock at Remy's? You remember Remy's?"

Kate laughed a little awkwardly, remembering some of their time spent at their favorite diner. "Of course. I'll see you then."

"See you."

 _Well, that went as well as it could,_ Kate thought. She hadn't considered how awkward it would be to be in contact with her ex-fiancé. It was something that she'd have to get over if she wanted a place in her son's life, she knew that for sure.

-:::-

 **December 2 2009**

Kate was nervous. More nervous than she had ever been, in fact. She and her Father's relationship over the last ten years had been very rocky. After she'd given birth to Alex, and had willingly given him up, Jim Beckett had been furious with her. She could remember his words quite clearly, even ten years later.

" _Do you know what I'd give to be a complete family again, Katie? You, your mom, and me together? You're throwing away a once-in-a-lifetime chance at happiness, and for what? Some harebrained quest for justice that you might never get? Your mother would be so disappointed in you, and I am too. That little boy needs both of his parents. Don't make this mistake, Katie! You'll regret it for the rest of your life!"_

She hated when her father was right. Granted, he usually was right, but it still bothered her (just like it had in her teenage years). The night before she had decided it was time to eat some crow when it came to her dad. She missed him, and decided that she wanted to mend some fences, so she had called him and arranged to meet at the diner that had been the family's favorite for decades.

When she walked in, he was already there, but the sight of him caused her to stop in her tracks. Her dad had always been punctual, so she wasn't very surprised that he had beaten her. The issue was, her father wasn't alone. Sitting next to him was a beautiful woman that, if Kate had to guess, was just a few years younger than her father. The two were sitting side-by-side. Even that wasn't really enough to shock Kate. It was that the two of them were holding hands that shocked her.

Her dad was _dating_ , and he'd brought his girlfriend with him to a lunch that was meant to be father-daughter?

Slowly, Kate approached the table that her dad was sitting at. Her dad noticed her presence and turned his head towards her, breaking away from the conversation he'd been having.

"Katie!" Jim Beckett exclaimed, happily. He stood up and engulfed his daughter in a fierce bear hug, which Kate reluctantly returned.

"Dad. I...I thought we could have lunch alone?"

"I know, but I have some news, and since we're talking again, I figured that we could talk about it together." Jim stepped back and sat back down, watching intently as Kate slid into the booth across from him.

Kate nodded. "Okay."

"Oh. Katie, this is Elizabeth. Elizabeth, this is my daughter, Katie or I guess she goes by Kate now."

The woman reached across the table, extending her hand, which Kate cautiously shook. Kate took a long look at the older woman and found herself quite impressed by the woman's beauty. Elizabeth had long black hair that flowed in waves down past her shoulders. She was very pretty, with high cheekbones, and amazing gray eyes that shined with intelligence.

"It's nice to meet you, Kate," Elizabeth said, kindly.

"You, too." Kate looked over at her father, who looked astonishingly happy and not the least bit awkward. Something was going on. "Dad? What's going on? You said you have news?"

"Well, yes. We haven't talked much in the last ten years, so it's hard to tell you what's going on in my life. I tried to tell you about this a year ago, but you hung up on me before I could, and you ignored the invitation, and...well, I guess I didn't do enough to get you to come..." He was babbling, and Jim Beckett, her dad, never babbled. His words had always been concise and purposeful. She'd never seen him babble before.

"Dad?"

Jim meets his daughter's eyes and takes a deep breath, knowing that there is no better way to deliver the news. "Kate, Elizabeth and I got married last year. I sent you an invitation, but you never responded. I called you several times before the ceremony, but after our last argument, you never picked up. I came over to your apartment, but you had apparently moved and hadn't told me."

-:::-

"Gram?"

Martha looked up from the book she'd settled down with. It wasn't unusual for Rick to have to attend meetings in the late afternoon, which meant that she would come over to the loft to look after Alex. She loved her grandson more than life itself, but she had to admit that he didn't really need a babysitter any longer. At ten years old, he was often more mature than Richard was.

"Darling, how's your homework going?"

"I'm finished."

"Good, good. You father should be home in an hour, so we'll leave dinner for him to fix. That way he can't complain that I'm trying to poison him. Your father is so melodramatic, don't you think?"

Alex laughed. "Yeah."

"Did you need something?"

"I...I was wondering if you could tell me about my mom."

Martha looked at her grandson sadly. She liked Kate Beckett, she really did. But she didn't think that she'd ever truly forgive the woman for abandoning her son and grandson. She smiled, and patted the couch cushion beside her so that Alex would sit down next to her. "Of course I will. What would you like to know?"

"Well, dad seems pretty adamant that it isn't my mom's fault for not being a mother to me, that it was because her mom died that things had to be the way they are. Is that what you think?"

Martha sighed. She knew why Rick was being so nice to Kate. He didn't want to give his son any bias against Kate, but she wished that he, for his own sake, would be a little less forgiving. "I think that her grief played a big role in how things turned out. But, it was also her age. Remember that when she found out she was pregnant, she was just nineteen. That's only a few years older than you are right now. When someone is that age, they're not really prepared to be a parent. I know I wasn't. Add in that she lost her mom, and it was just too much.

"But that doesn't excuse her, you know. Your father is trying to let you make up your mind yourself, and that's the right thing to do. But, he's also been known for being too forgiving."

Alex nodded. "I will make up my own mind. I...I'm going to meet her. Or at least I'm going to if dad approves. He's having lunch with her on Friday. I'm...nervous about it."

"I'm sure your father told you, but you needn't be. No matter what happens between you and your mother in the future, you'll always have your father and you'll always have me." She leaned over and hugged him tightly.

When they pulled apart Alex asked, "Do you think dad wants to get back together with my mom?"

"Oh, honey. I...is that what you want?" Martha asked cautiously.

"I don't know. I mean, it'd be nice to have two parents, but I really just want dad to be happy."

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much about that. He's happy as he is. As for the two them together, I...I don't think so. She broke your father's heart and he's never really recovered. I don't think he'll trust her enough to give her a second chance, even if she wanted one."

-:::-

Married? How could he be married. It didn't make any sense. She knew she'd been absent the last ten years, but how could she have missed her father dating someone and then marrying them? Granted, she hadn't seen her dad in four years, and had only talked to him briefly in the last year and half, but still?

"Dad, I- But what about mom?"

Jim sighed. "Katie, your mom would have wanted me to be happy. I know that. I grieved for her for years, and I'll always love her and miss her. But, I think she'd be furious if I wasted the rest of my life. I was just 40 years old when she died. Beth makes me happy. Can you...be happy for me?"

Kate was silent for a while. It was odd, but she had a feeling she would have been much more angry about the whole situation if she'd been a bigger part of her father's life. Since she wasn't, she wasn't angry. Shocked, yes. Angry, no.

"I am happy for you, Dad. I...I guess I'm a little jealous. You seemed to have handled mom's death better than I did. I messed everything up," she said, tears springing to her eyes. "Dad, I...I met Alex."

-:::-

 **a.n.2. So we didn't get a meeting between Kate and Rick in this chapter. Blame Jim. He went and got himself hitched. Next chapter we start with Rick and Kate and we see some interaction between Kate and Alex, finally. How will that turn out?**

 **Reviews are awesome. Be awesome.**


	6. Chapter 6

**a.n Sorry this took so long. I've been very busy. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and followed this story. You folks are awesome.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

The streets of New York City were a beautiful mess, as they always were in early December. The mad rush was on for Christmas shoppers in the Big Apple, as throngs of people bustled here and there looking for presents that would almost certainly soon be forgotten. Kate exited the diner where she'd had lunch with her Father and looked at the city around her.

The lunch had been interesting, to say the least. Her father was married! On one hand, she was a little confused about how she should react, given that she had thought that her mom was the only on her dad would ever love. On the other hand, Kate felt extreme guilt over having completely ignored her father's life over the last ten years. They'd talked, for sure, but mostly they'd argued. They'd talk cordially for several months, and then he'd bring up her past or her job and she'd not talk to him again for months on end.

She'd been a selfish little brat if she were being perfectly honest with herself.

But the conversation had been good for them, for sure. After the awkwardness had passed, she'd confessed that he'd been right all along and that she was going to try and make amends and be a part of her son's life. Her new step-mother (wasn't that weird?) had been fairly quiet during the conversation, but eventually, Kate had made an effort to talk and get to know the woman. She doubted that they'd ever be friends, but Kate could see that her father was once again a happy man.

Now she just had to see if there was a way she could be happy in her son's life without causing him any problems.

-:::-

December 4, 2009

Remy's had been a favorite of theirs while in High School. They'd gone there on their first date, and they'd always had fond memories of the place. It was fairly inexpensive and had excellent food in an atmosphere that didn't scream "big city" like most other restaurants in NYC did.

Kate walked in about a half hour early and scoped out the diner that she and Rick had spent so much time in as teenagers. The nostalgia that hits her as she walked through the door shocked her so much she stumbled a bit. She could see little Ricky Rodgers, with his nerdy glasses and wild hair sitting in the back booth across from her gangly teenage self. She'd gone through a major growth spurt the year before they'd started dating, and she was still growing into her longer legs. She could remember how clumsy she'd been and how much it'd bothered her.

She watched in her mind 's eye as the two teenagers shared a milkshake and took turns stealing french fries off of each other's plates. She smiled as she watched herself laugh at something her boyfriend had said, no doubt just to hear her laugh. He'd always been good at that. She missed the easy laughter they'd once shared.

Kate shook herself out of her memory and really looked around. She wasn't surprised that she'd beaten Rick to the diner. He'd never been one to arrive anywhere early. She could remember one of his favorite sayings (no doubt stolen from his mother):

"It's called fashionably late for a reason, Katie. It's fashionable. Right in the title, you can't miss it."

Kate walked to an empty booth (avoiding the booth they'd sat in for most of their dates), and took a seat. The diner was fairly busy given that it was a Friday at lunchtime, but it wasn't overflowing. She watched as people sat and ate their lunches, thinking about the meeting that was coming up.

She hadn't a clue what to say to the man who she had once loved more than life itself, the man she'd had a child with. It took all of her willpower not to bolt back out the door and put her past back in the box it'd been in for the last decade. But she wouldn't do that. She couldn't. Not now that she'd made this first move. She wouldn't do that, not if she could help it. She wouldn't fail at this again.

She was brought out of her worries by the sound of the bell attached to the door signifying that another patron had entered the diner. She looked up and was shocked at the sight of Rick Rodgers. He looked so much different than the young Ricky that she'd known. She'd not paid much attention to his looks when he'd shown up on her doorstep at Halloween, and even if she had, he'd been in costume. But now, he looked completely different.

He looked grown up. A small portion of her was upset that he'd gone and grown up without her, which was just stupid, considering the circumstances. She'd had her chance to be there with him, and she'd blown it.

-:::-

Rick looked around and spotted her sitting in a booth on the far side of the diner. He noticed that she wasn't sitting in the booth they had normally shared when they were together. But then she might not even remember that. It'd been 10 years, and she'd apparently been able to move on with her life.

He'd finally pried the story of his mother regarding her meeting with Kate in November. He'd been curious, and wanted to know as much about Kate's life before going into this meeting so that he could make the best decision for Alex. His mother had told him that Kate had mentioned a boyfriend that she lived with.

Not that Rick cared. He knew that there was no chance of rekindling the romance of Ricky and Katie. No. This had to be all about Alex, and he would make sure that it was.

Rick walked over to the booth and took a seat across from the woman who had once worn his engagement ring. After tense greetings, the two waited until the waitress had come and taken their orders before Rick started to talk.

"I uh, really don't know how to do this," he said, running his hands through his hair. "I mean, should I say hello, and ask how you're doing? I feel like I should be angry, but I'm not, not really."

Kate nodded. "I...I realize that this is awkward. I..." she sighed, "I just want a chance. I regret it, you know. More than anything in the world, I regret leaving. But I can't change the past. All I can do is try to make amends in some way. Can...can you tell me about Alex?"

"I...maybe in a minute, sure. Can I ask, why now? Is it really just because you saw us on Halloween?"

Kate looked alarmed for a minute before she said, "I...yes? I know it sounds absolutely horrible, but yes. I don't know that I would be here if I hadn't seen the two of you on my doorstep that night. I've been living in a constant state of denial these last ten years. I buried everything from my life when I buried my mom, I chose to just wall that part of myself off, because it hurt. I didn't think about my son, I didn't think...about you, I just obsessed over my mother's case and becoming a good police officer and then a detective.

"I built myself a bubble and just lived there. I alienated my dad so much that he got remarried without me even knowing about it, and all my friends from high school are gone. But seeing Alex that night, it was like it all came rushing back to me. Everything I've done is so terrible, and I've let everyone down so bad," Kate said sniffling, tears running down her cheeks, "I...I'd understand if you wanted Alex to have nothing to do with me."

Rick sat in silence for several moments before he sighed. "Alex is a great kid. I don't know where he gets it really, but he's smart beyond his years, a great artist, he likes to paint; he's a member of several different clubs at school and he plays soccer. He'll tell you he's a bookworm, but I don't think so. He's very outgoing and keeps me on my toes. My mother says he's more mature than I am, which is true.

"He's always wondered about you. I've told him some stories throughout the years and showed him pictures of you before he was born and while you were pregnant with him. And I've stressed that you didn't abandon him on purpose and that grief changes people. I've done my damnedest to make sure he sees you as the person I knew you as and not as a terrible mother, and I think he does, see you as a good person, I mean."

Kate nodded, and whispered "Thanks."

"I didn't do it for you." Rick looked down at his hands which were resting on the table top. "You leaving was the hardest thing that I have ever gone through. It would have been terrible if it had just been you and me. We'd known each other since we were small children and had been dating for six years at that time. It would have been devastating losing you. But to add in a child? Those years were the hardest of my life, and I know they couldn't have been easy for you either, but still. So, I didn't do it for you. I wanted Alex to know as much about his mother as possible, even if you were never going to be a part of his life.

"I...tell me about yourself. I need to know."

Kate nodded. "After...after we broke up and Alex was born, I joined the Police Academy. I finished in 30 months, which was a record at the time. I was first placed in Vice, as is usual for young, attractive females. I spent a year and a half there before I was transferred to the 12th precinct and Homicide. In 2003 I was promoted to Detective. Just this last August I was promoted to team lead and Detective First Grade."

Kate was silent for a moment. While she was pondering what to say next, Rick asked, "Did you ever solve it? Your mom's case, I mean?"

Kate shook her head. "No. I'm not any closer than I was when she died to knowing what really happened."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. I've learned that some cases can just never be solved. Her's is one of them."

"What about your personal life. I know it's not normal to ask, but I don't know how comfortable I'd be with Alex around a boyfriend."

Again, Kate nodded, understanding. "I've been dating Will for a while now, he's an FBI agent. We've lived together for almost a year. As I said my dad and I aren't close anymore, but I'm hoping to change that. He's also remarried, though I didn't know that until a couple days ago."

"I knew he'd remarried. I saw it in the paper."

"I don't read the paper, and every time he tried to tell me, I argued with him over pointless things that didn't matter. I had gotten to the point where I was acting like a teenager. He'd preached at me for years to contact you so that I could be a part of Alex's life, but I wouldn't listen. All I wanted was justice for mom, and nothing else mattered." Kate brushed a few tears away and looked away. "Prior to Halloween, everything seemed to be going fine. I could just ignore everything that was important, just like I had for the last ten years. But then I saw him. He changed everything, Rick. I know this all must look very selfish to you. Even me contacting you and wanting to be a part of Alex's life must seem selfish. After all, why did I wait ten years? Why did it take seeing him again for that wall to come down? All I have are excuses and not good ones." Kate sniffed and looked down at the table.

Silence reigned at the table for several minutes. During the time they sat not looking at each other, both lost in their own thoughts, the waitress brought their orders to the table and laid them in front of them. The two picked at their food.

"Alex plays indoor soccer every Wednesday at 6 PM. If you'd like to take him to the next one and spend the evening with him, that's fine. I'll write the details down so you know where to pick him up, where to drop him off, and where to wait while he plays. I think he'll like to show you his skills. Maybe the two of you can go out to dinner after and maybe a movie or whatever.

"I'm not going to tell you a lot about him. I think it best that he tells you about himself. He's precocious, but he'll be nervous, so ask questions. I don't know how he'll handle your absence in his life prior to now. But I must warn you, he doesn't like being lied to. He usually knows when someone is lying so, try not to do that. He'll also be very curious about your job. He's heard enough morbid stuff from me during my brainstorming sessions that you don't have to worry about scaring him away, just nothing too violent.

"For now, I'd like it to stay just you. Other than teachers and my Mother, he hasn't really had a lot of experiences with adults, and I don't really date, so he doesn't have experience with being around a parent's paramour. It'll be overwhelming enough for him to get to know you without throwing in your boyfriend. If this works out, we can introduce him to Jim later. I think Alex would like to know his grandfather. I kind of regret not keeping in touch with Jim, but it was just too hard. Does all that sound good to you?"

Kate nodded happily and smiled for the first time. Getting time off from work on a Wednesday would be hard, but it'd be worth it.

"Kate. Please don't toy with him. If you mess this up, I'll make sure you don't see him again until he's an adult and can make his own decisions."

"I won't abandon him again. I promise. I know my word probably doesn't mean much to you right now, but I do promise it."

"Okay, then. I'll write the info you need down, and we can go from there."

"Okay."

The two sat in awkward silence as they tried to finish their burgers. They both knew that they would have to get better with each other if they were going to be good for Alex, but neither could think of a word to say. Kate just hoped that it would get better with time.

So did Rick.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. So there's the chapter. What do you think? Next chapter we see Kate and Alex, finally! We get some Kate/Will action for those who want to know what's going on there, and we might, might, just see some more Kate and Rick in the same room being awkward with one another action.**

 **Leave a review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**a.n. Writing from the perspective of a 10yo boy is not easy.**

 **I want to send a sincere and huge thank you to HerPegship, who has agreed to beta this drivel and make it a little more readable. Any mistakes that are still here are mine, and not hers. Make sure to go to her page (Pegship on FFnet) and read her Castle stuff. All of it is excellent!**

 **I do not own Castle, nor have I ever claimed that I do. That's just silly.**

 **-:::-**

December 9 2009

The wind was cold, so very cold. It felt more like February than early December, but Kate didn't mind. In fact, the bite of the wind helped keep her mind off of the reason why she was currently staring at a school building while leaning against her car. She hadn't felt this nervous since she had told Rick that she was pregnant before everything fell apart. She could remember, though, how happy he had been, how stunned she had been when he'd picked her up and twirled her around and around and around.

The happiness she had felt at his acceptance and exuberance only made her feel more guilty at how she had ruined everything for them after her mother died. But she didn't want to think about that. She was going to make amends, if she could.

Rick had given her the information that she needed to spend the afternoon and evening with Alex, and she'd in turn told him what car she would be driving so that her son could find her after school. She knew that this was going to be difficult, so very difficult. But she knew she had to do it.

She would not fail her son again.

-:::-

Alex Castle was a smart boy; he knew that much about himself. He also knew that, like his father and grandmother, he had a tendency to be melodramatic in his actions and speech. But he was pretty sure he had never, not ever, been as nervous about something as he was now.

He was going to meet his mom. For real this time, not the two minutes of awkward silence that he'd experienced at Halloween. He'd be spending and entire afternoon with her, and then he'd have dinner with her. Overwhelmed didn't even come close to describing what he was feeling at the moment.

The school day had dragged on and he could tell that his friends were all looking at him weird, but he couldn't help the way he was acting. Normally, he was outgoing and took part in all the things a school day had to offer, but all he could think about on this particular day was that he was going to be meeting his mother. The mother he never knew.

He didn't want to think badly about his mother, but sometimes he did. He could remember how hard his dad had worked at giving him a great childhood, and he couldn't help thinking that it all would have been a lot easier if his mom had been there to help. But she hadn't been, and despite what he had often told his dad, that hurt. It hurt a lot.

It made the idea of meeting her, and of her being a part of his life, even more daunting. He didn't know how to act. Should he be mad at her? Should he play it cool and just go along with it? What if...goodness...what if she tried to _mother_ him? His father was pretty lax when it came to rules and such; would his mom be the same way?

By the time school was over for the day, Alex had worked himself into a frothing state froth of uncertainty and pre-teenage angst for which his father would for sure make fun of him for (as if his dad was any better when it came to teenage angst). He was so worked up that he thought briefly about running out of the back door of the school, catching a ride with his best friend Paul, and avoiding his mother for as long as humanly possible.

But he wouldn't do that to his dad, as he knew that his dad would worry if he wasn't where he was supposed to be. So, Alex straightened his shoulders and marched out of the front doors of Marlowe Academy, as if he were marching straight towards his death, proving once and for all that he was just as melodramatic as the rest of his family. He wondered if his mom was like that too.

He knew he didn't have long before he found out.

-:::-

Her glimpse of Alex at Halloween, for that was all it really had been, didn't do justice to how young and handsome her son was. Around 5 foot tall, with dark brown hair like his dad, Kate knew that Alex would someday be stealing the hearts of many teenage girls. His eyes were hers though. It hit her hard to know that this young man inherited something from her. Kate wasn't prepared for the pride that flowed through her at how well her son had grown up. It was quickly followed by the familiar guilt that reminded her that she had nothing to do with the young man he had become.

She watched as Alex walked up to her, his stride confident and his shoulders squared. She wondered how he could have so much confidence meeting her for the first time.

He stopped in front of her. "Hello."

"Alex, hi. It's uh, nice to meet you."

Her son just nodded, before looking away awkwardly.

Deciding to break the silence before they stood there all day, Kate said, "I'll get you to practice, and then we'll have dinner and maybe go to a movie?"

Alex looked back at her before he nodded. "That sounds good. Should...should I call you mom or something else?"

"I...I don't know. I guess you can, or you can call me Kate. Either is probably going to be a little weird for a little while, so do whatever makes you the most comfortable," Kate said nervously before walking around her car and getting in the driver's side. At the same time, Alex took a seat in the passenger's seat.

"Is this your police cruiser?" Alex asked as Kate tried to pull out into traffic.

Kate blushed. "Yeah, sorry. I don't really have another vehicle around."

"Oh, don't worry, I think it's really cool," Alex laughed. "When dad told me you were a cop, it made me really happy. I may not have known you, but at least I figured you were really cool."

Kate smiled sadly, wishing again that she'd been around. "I'm glad you think it's cool. I...Look, Alex, I don't think that an apology is nearly enough for what I've done to you. I am sorry though. All I have are excuses for why things turned out the way they did, and they aren't even really good excuses. I just hope you'll let me try to make it up to you."

Alex looked over at her, remaining silent for several moments before he sighed and looked back out through the windshield. "Dad explained to me how you lost your mom, and how that changed all your plans. I...can't really say that I understand. I've never lost anyone like that, but I can imagine how it would feel if I lost dad. I'd be devastated, and I know that it would change my entire life. I'm not saying it was okay, what you did. It means a lot to me that you're trying, even if I don't know why you're only doing so now."

The two sat in silence for several minutes as they made their way to the sports complex that held Alex's indoor soccer league. The silence was awkward and tense. Alex decided that he was going to have to be the brave one. This might be his only chance to get to know his mom.

"So, can you tell me about yourself?" he asked.

"Sure, what would you like to know?"

"Well, how about your job? Is it cool?"

Kate laughed. "It isn't everything they say it is on TV, unfortunately. It's a lot of paperwork and talking to people. There is a bunch of action, but it's not as Hawaii Five-O as you might think."

"Have you ever shot anyone?" Alex asked bluntly, as only a ten year old boy could ask.

Kate didn't really know how to answer that. Was it appropriate to tell her ten year old son that she'd had to shoot someone in the past?

"I...Yeah, I have shot someone before. It isn't a good thing though, you know that, right?"

Alex huffed. "Of course, I know that. But dad writes that stuff all the time. He said that in law enforcement sometimes it's an 'us or them' mentality. So, I think that if you did have to shoot someone, it's better that they were the one shot and not you."

"Oh. I guess I never really thought about it like that. Does your dad talk a lot about his books?"

Alex smirked and looked at her. "Why, are you a fan?"

Kate blushed but said nothing. Truth be told, she had read everything that Rick Castle, aka Ricky Rodgers, had ever written. He hadn't been published when they broke up, but she had known he wanted to write for a living. He'd always been very good at it, and she'd encouraged him as much as she could. Even when they had found out she was pregnant, she didn't want him to change his dreams. After her mother's death, the break up and Alex's birth, she'd been too busy to pay much attention to anything besides getting into the police academy and trying to do her best there. Once she'd made the force, she'd come across an author named Richard Castle, and she'd been hooked right from the start.

Alex laughed at her. "I won't tell him, you know? His ego is big enough without knowing that his high school sweetheart is a closet Richard Castle fan. How did you know that he was Richard Castle?"

"Well, you know that he and I knew each other as kids, right?"

Alex nodded.

"Well, he was always a story teller. In high school he wrote a lot of short stories, and I read them all. So I sort of recognized his style. I wasn't sure until his third book when he mentioned Martha in the dedication. Then I knew for sure."

"Dad runs ideas by me all the time. It drives Gram crazy because she says I shouldn't be exposed to such darkness at such a young age. Dad tries to keep the gory details to a minimum, or at least he did until I learned to read his books. Now I know pretty much everything."

"Why does your dad keep the Rodgers name? I know when he and I were together and he decided he wanted to write professionally, he always planned on changing his name."

"Well, from what Gram told me, he didn't want the publicity once I was born. There have been some stalkers, but dad says that's just because he's ruggedly handsome and women can't stay away from him," Alex said, rolling his eyes. Kate was shocked to see an expression she often used in exasperation on her son's face. "I think it'd be a lot worse if the fans knew who he really was. Gram said that he didn't want me exposed to that sort of thing."

"Is that why he doesn't date?"

"Maybe, I don't know." Alex didn't really know why his dad didn't date. He knew that his father had gone out a few times, but nothing ever came of it, and his dad had only gone on those dates because Gram had forced him to go.

"Tell me about your school. Your dad said you like art."

-:::-

 **a.n. So I decided to stop it there for now. We'll see more of the first meeting between Kate and Alex in the next chapter. Let me know what you think!**


	8. Chapter 8

**a.n. So this one is angsty. Just to warn you.**

 **Thanks so much to Her Pegship, who has once again cleaned this up quite a bit. Go check out her stuff. It's all awesome.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. I also don't own Harry Potter, who makes a cameo in this chapter.**

 **-:::-**

December 9, 2009 (Continued)

Kate was quite surprised at how much she enjoyed watching her son play soccer. It was only practice, but she really wanted to cheer him along. She refrained from being too loud about it, however, when she found that the other parents weren't going crazy just because their kid made the most goals or was running the fastest.

She couldn't help but feel that she'd been missing this all along. It broke something deep inside her to know that she had given up the chance to see this remarkable young man grow up. She tried to push the guilt aside, as she knew that she could only work on improving the future. She couldn't change the past.

When the practice was over, she waited patiently for Alex to change out of his uniform and come out of the locker room. She had struggled about where to take him for dinner and what else to do while she had his company, but in the end, decided that she'd keep it simple with a movie then a late dinner before taking him home.

"Hey," she said when Alex entered the lobby. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah. I'm starving, what's for dinner?"

"There's a burger place just down the road, you like burgers? They have some of the best burgers in the city."

"Yeah, burgers are good. Have you ever been to Remy's?"

Kate laughed. "Yeah. Does your dad take you there?"

"Yeah, all the time. They have the best shakes."

"We could go there if you like. It's on the other side of the city, but that doesn't matter."

"No. Let's go to the place you picked out. New places are fun."

The two of them were silent while they got into the car. Once they were on their way to the restaurant, Kate asked, "How long have you been playing soccer?"

"Since I was like five. Dad wanted me to get out and about more. I'd just learned to read chapter books at that time, and I was always reading."

"You read chapter books at age five?" Kate asked, shocked.

"Yeah," Alex answered, his face taking on a pink tint. "Dad always read to me and taught me to read early. I liked the Super Fudge books, and I wanted to read them myself. So I did. I also read _Matilda_. That was one of my favorite books until I discovered _Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH_. That book is awesome. Oh, and Harry Potter, of course. Have you read Harry Potter?"

Kate laughed. "I have read Harry Potter. Who's your favorite character?"

Alex thought for a moment. "I guess Harry, though Hermione is pretty cool. She's a bit of a bookworm just like me."

"Tell you a secret?"

Alex looked over at her. "Sure."

"Your dad and I were the exact same when we were your age. Other kids liked to go outdoors and play, we stayed in and read books together. I remember how your grandmothers both had to shoo us out of the house on nice days to go out and play."

"W-what was your mom like?"

"She was...she was amazing, really. She and I got along great until I was thirteen, and then nothing she did was enough for me. But she loved me unconditionally, even when I didn't deserve it. She was always there," Kate said a bit dreamily. She was silent for a minute, collecting her thoughts about what she could tell her son about the grandmother that he'd never get a chance to meet.

In that silence, Alex, who had been staring wistfully out the side window, said without thinking, "I wish I had a mother like that."

-:::-

His eyes widened. He hadn't meant to say that. He was talking to his mother. He didn't want to make her feel bad, or at least he didn't want to make her feel any worse than he suspected she already felt. It had just popped out. She was talking about her mom, and she didn't even seem to think about how it would sound after what she had done to him and his dad.

The whole outing had been somewhat surreal for him. He was trying so hard to be nice and to get to know her. He knew he should be angry, but then he would remember a conversation he'd had with his dad just the day before.

 _-Flashback-_

" _Why aren't you angry with her?" Alex asked after his dad told him about the plans for the next day._

 _Rick sighed. "What good would it do, Alex? Really? Neither you nor I can change the past. I'm not happy with her, but I can't be angry. It'd be a waste of time and energy because nothing would change. I'm angry that she waited so long, but again, there is nothing that can be done about it. And she does seem to want to make amends. I'd have given anything to have you grow up with a mom. This is your chance, and I won't take that away from you by being unreasonably angry for something that no longer matters."_

 _-End Flashback-_

He had decided that he wouldn't be angry or even a bit angsty. He wanted to get to know her, to give her a chance to make up for the years she hadn't been there. But it still hurt. It hurt to know that despite everything, she had chosen to live her life without him. It hurt.

-:::-

Kate had to try hard not to swerve the car into another lane. She'd gotten lost in reminiscing about her own mother, totally forgetting that she'd abandoned her own child. Something her mother would have never done. It'd been so insensitive for her to do that, and then to have him say that he wished she was more like her own mother? That just broke her heart.

What was she even doing? She didn't even deserve to be a part of her son's life after what she had done. Kate pulled the car into the parking lot of the burger joint and put it into park. She looked at Alex, who was still looking out the passenger's side window and said, "I wish you had a mom like her too."

Alex snapped his head towards her and looked at her wide-eyed. "W-what do you mean?"

"Well," Kate said, taking a deep breath. "I wish I had been there for you right from the start. I regret nothing more than missing ten years of your life, and in reality, nothing I do now will ever make up for the mistake I made then. I know that. I knew that going in. I want to, though. I want to try to be there for you now. It doesn't make it better, and it won't earn your forgiveness, but I want a chance to try. Even if I don't deserve it. Do you think it'll be okay if I keep trying?"

-:::-

Alex was silent for several moments. He was already giving her a chance, wasn't he? That's what he agreed to do. It was what he wanted to do, right? That, and, he wanted to do it for his dad. His dad had always felt guilty about Alex not having a mother to rely on. Now maybe, just maybe, his dad could find happiness too.

So he looked towards his mom and said, "I think I'd like that."

The two spent the time in the restaurant talking. Alex suggested that they play twenty questions so they could continue to get to know each other. She asked about his dad a few more times, but he decided that it didn't feel right to tell his dad's ex all of his secrets. After they were done eating, his mom took him to see the second _Toy Story_. It was good, but it was still a sequel. He found that his dad was right when it came to sequels. Sequels were almost universally worse than the original.

-:::-

Rick was antsy. He couldn't decide if he wanted Alex's day with Kate to go well or not. He also felt terrible for feeling that way. He was worried though, and he hadn't been. He'd been supportive and more worried about Alex than anything else, right up until that morning when he'd sent Alex off to school.

Then his insecurities had kicked in and he started to worry about stupid, silly little things. His writer's imagination, always a hazard of his occupation, could clearly see Kate challenging him for custody of their son and winning. He could imagine Alex coming home and wanting nothing to do with him anymore because his mom was way cool.

He was being silly. He knew that, and he'd spent the day telling himself that everything was going to be fine and that things would settle into a new normal where Kate would be in Alex's life.

Now that it was coming up on Alex's bedtime, he was getting worried for another (silly) reason. What if Kate kidnapped Alex and he never saw his son again? That caused him to leave his desk (and the blank Word document) behind in order to pace back and forth in the living room. Luckily, there was no one around to see his momentary (and quite manly) panic attack.

When the door opened and Alex came in, Rick almost collapsed in relief. He could see Kate hanging back at the door, unsure of whether or not she was welcome to come in. He ignored her for a moment and gathered Alex up into his arms giving him a nice strong hug.

"Hey, Buddy, did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, it was fun," Alex replied, pulling himself out of his father's arms.

Rick let his son go and made his way towards the door. "Kate, you can come in, if you want."

"No, thank you. I've got to go, I've got an early morning shift. But I wanted to thank you for letting me have this day with him. I...I was wondering could, maybe, we do this again?"

Rick was silent for a moment before nodding. "I don't mind. Alex?"

"No. I'd like that," Alex said shyly.

Rick looked back at Kate and said, "What are your normal days off, Detective?"

"Wednesdays are usually the only day I have off consistently."

"Well, then, if you want, you can take him after school next Wednesday. He'll have soccer practice again."

"I'd like that."

"Thanks for taking me out today. And...thanks for trying," Alex said. With that he dashed up the stairs, his backpack bouncing along with him.

"He's a good kid, Rick. You did an amazing job," Kate said quietly.

Rick stared at the stairs where his son had just made his exit and said wistfully, "He made it easy."

-:::-

Kate quietly closed the door to her apartment, sliding the lock into place. She leaned back against the door, sighing happily. It had been hard, but it had gone much better than she had thought it would. She knew that just because they'd spent a nice afternoon and evening together didn't mean they were anywhere near close to having the relationship that they could have had. But it was a start. And that was what really mattered.

She made her way into the dark apartment after sliding off her heels. She knew Will was likely in bed as he would also have to be at work quite early the next morning. That was why she was surprised to find him sitting on their couch, drinking a beer.

"Will?"

He was quiet for a moment before he asked, "So...did you and the brat have a good time?"

-:::-

 **a.n.2. Cliffhangers are the devil. Reviews are welcome, even if they are only used for complaints about cliffhangers.**

 **Next chapter, we see the end of Will (the original plan was to keep him around a bit longer, but I've decided not to go that direction). And we see some Lanie/Kate conversation, which should be fun.**


	9. Chapter 9

**a.n. The beginning of this chapter bugs me. Anyone who has done their research or has read a Robin Cook novel knows that the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner of New York City is not a one or two man operation, as it is portrayed in canon. Nor is the layout of its offices anywhere close to what is shown in the show (i.e. with the ME's desk in the operating theater). However, I've stuck with canon, despite knowing it's wrong.**

 **Again, thanks to Her Pegship for doing a phenomenal job of beta-ing this story.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, and I've run out of pithy, humorous and sarcastic comments to make about why I don't own it.**

 **-:::-**

December 10, 2009

Lanie Parish shrieked when she found Kate Beckett sitting on one of the autopsy tables at 6:30 in the morning.

"Girl, you scare the bejeebus out of me. What are you doing here this early in the morning?"

"Good morning to you too, Lanie. I wondered if we could talk."

Lanie looked at her best friend shrewdly. "Are you finally going to tell me what has been going on with you these last few weeks? You've taken more days off in the last month or so than you have in the last ten years. So what's going on?"

"Well," Kate said, sighing. "I guess I should start with saying that Will and I broke up."

"Oh, honey, did he take that job in Boston?"

"I don't know if he's going to do that or not. It wasn't why we broke up, though."

"Well...why did you break up?"

Kate was silent for several moments. The silence coming from her best friend was driving Lanie mad. She'd never been a patient woman, and what patience she did have was quickly running out.

"Well?"

"It turns out," Kate said, slowly, "that he didn't like the idea of me having contact with my son."

Lanie looked at Kate like she had grown a second head. Son? Kate didn't have a son. Lanie was pretty sure that she'd have known if Kate Beckett had had a child. "Kate, honey, are you okay? You don't have a son."

Kate laughed, sadly. "That's what I pretended for a decade, too. But I do. You see, when I was nineteen, before my mom died, I was engaged to be married. Soon after that I found out I was pregnant. When my mom died, I didn't think that I could be both a cop and a mom, so I let my son's father raise him. I hadn't seen him since I gave birth to him over ten years ago. I saw him Halloween night, and then I arranged to meet him for real yesterday."

Lanie sat down in her office chair in shock. "You...you had a kid? B...but...but. I don't even know what to say."

"Yeah, well, Will said plenty."

"How did he take it when he found out?"

"When we first talked about it after Halloween? Not well, but he didn't freak out. He wondered at my motivations for wanting to be a part of Alex's life, but other than that he didn't say much."

"A-and what happened that made you break up?" Lanie asked. She was still in shock, but maybe if Kate kept talking it would sink in that her best friend was a mom, but had somehow abandoned her child for ten years.

"Well..."

 _-Flashback-_

 _She made her way into the dark apartment after sliding off her heels. She knew Will was likely in bed as he would also have to be at work quite early the next morning. That was why she was surprised to find him sitting on their couch, drinking a beer._

" _Will?"_

 _He was quiet for a moment before he asked,"So...did you and the brat have a good time?"_

" _Excuse me?"_

" _I asked you if you and your brat had a good time."_

 _Kate scowled. "Why are you being like this? Alex isn't a brat. He's a great kid."_

" _Oh, sure. If he's so great, he didn't really need you in his life then, did he?" Will asked snidely._

 _Well, that just hurt. She and Will had had many arguments during their time together, but they'd never been deliberately hurtful to one another. And she would have never suspected that Will would have been hurtful about_ this _of all things. He knew how much guilt she felt over not being there for her child. They'd talked about it. And while he hadn't been able to understand her choices, he seemed to at least support her decision to make amends._

 _Apparently, she'd been wrong._

" _What's your problem, Will?"_

" _My problem is that you're off spending time with another man's child. You've spend more time thinking about this than you've spent with me in the last few weeks."_

" _So what, you're jealous? And, I'll remind you, Alex is_ my _child too. I may not have been there for him before, but I will be from now on."_

" _So that's it then? You're just going to throw away the life you and I have together?"_

" _No! Of course not. I can have both."_

 _Will scoffed. "You've already made your decision. And it didn't include me."_

" _What, you mean like your job in Boston? Yes, I know you've made the decision. I heard you on the phone yesterday."_

 _-End Flashback-_

"It escalated from there until I told him to just pack his bags and leave."

Lanie was silent for several moments before she huffed. "Girl, you're just full of drama. Why didn't you ever tell me you had a kid?"

"Well, you'd have wanted to meet him. And I did my absolute best to bury the memories from that time. It hurt too much, and I felt guilty. I still feel guilty, but I'm trying. I spent the entire afternoon and evening with Alex yesterday and I get to do it again next week. I'm hoping I can see him for a little while near Christmas."

"What's he like? Do you have a picture?"

"Yeah. I took one after we got out of the movie theater last night." Kate took her iPhone out of her back pocket and swiped until she brought up one of the photos she'd been able to take the night before. She passed her phone to Lanie.

"Aww. He's so cute. Has your eyes. His dad must have been a hottie," she said slyly.

"Nice way of asking about his dad there, Lanie."

"Well, can you blame me? Apparently, Will wasn't your first serious relationship like I had been led to believe. So dish, girl. Who was he?"

"Rick and I met when were were very young. We started dating when I turned 14, and we planned on going to Stanford together. And yes, he was and is a hottie."

"Is? How much have you seen of him recently?"

"Lanie," Kate warned.

"No. Come on. Is he single? You're newly single. And you already have a child together."

"Lanie! I just got out of a relationship. I don't need to jump into bed with someone else. Besides, Rick is in my past. Even if I still had feelings for him, which I don't, he would never trust me again after I abandoned him and our child."

Lanie nodded sadly. "Ah well, you can't blame a girl for trying. So when do I get to meet your little boy?"

"I don't know. Right now I'm just going to try to be a part of his life. When I will get to introducing him to my friends will have to be decided after my relationship with him is on firmer ground. I do want to introduce him to my dad, though. I think Alex should know that he has another grandparent around."

"That makes sense. Are you going to tell your team about your son?"

"What! No, of course not. At least, not any time soon. Can you imagine Esposito's reaction? His mother did the same thing to him that I did to Alex, and Espo never forgave her despite her attempts to make amends later in his life. He didn't even go to her funeral. I don't need him judging me about my mistakes. I know how bad it was, what I did. All I can do is take this chance to get to know Alex and try to be the mom I should have been."

The two women talked for a few more minutes, before Kate departed for her own work. She was happy to have talked with Lanie. She felt better. She had known that the breakup with Will was likely on the horizon, what with the Job Offer of Doom hanging over their heads, but she hadn't expected it to be so nasty. She wasn't kidding when she said she wasn't going to be jumping back into the dating scene any time soon. She wanted to focus all of her efforts now on being a part of Alex's life. Maybe she'd find someone who she could be with someday, but she knew that day was far off into the future.

-:::-

December 11 2009

Rick Rodgers groaned as he leaned back in his chair. His next novel was not going well. Derrick was not cooperating, and Rick didn't know what to do about it. His publisher, Gina, was hounding him about meeting his next deadline, but he just could not get the story to go in the right direction.

On top of that Alex was busy with school and end of semester class projects, which meant that Rick was spending a lot of time helping his son do his school work, which in turn meant less time with his writing. Not that he would ever deny his son help. He was so proud of Alex for doing so well in school. If that meant some time away from his writing (which was frustrating him anyways), then so be it.

Rick stood from his chair and walked into the kitchen. Alex was sitting at the island with his art pad out, working on his drawing for his art project.

"How's it going, bud?"

"Fine," Alex said absentmindedly.

"Okay. So did you decide what you're going to sketch?"

"Yeah," Alex said, looking up. "I'm going to do do a sketch of mom."

"Your mom," Rick asked, somewhat dumbly.

"Yeah. Do you think it'd make a good Christmas present?"

Rick laughed. "I'm sure she would love it. She's not going to have to pose for it?"

"No. We're supposed to do it from memory. I was going to do a family portrait of you, me and Gram, but I don't feel comfortable doing a self-portrait. I look funny."

Rick laughed again. "No you don't. You're just starting to grow into your teenage bones. All boys get gangly as they get taller. You're not going to be a little boy for much longer."

"Does that mean I finally get to drive the Ferrari?"

"Not any time soon, it doesn't," Rick said.

"Bummer."

 **-:::-**

 **a.n.2. A little shorter than normal, but that felt like the best place to end it. Next chapter we see more Kate/Alex, some Kate and Rick in the same place once again, and we get a little closer to Christmas and New Year.**

 **Reviews are lovely. Thanks for leaving one.**


	10. Chapter 10

**a.n. A longer chapter for you. Please read the a.n. at the bottom. It'll give you some idea of how the rest of this story will be laid out.** **Also, just FYI, the next chapter may or may not be out next week. I'm having some issues with it, so it's taking a bit longer than normal.**

 **A special thanks to Her Pegship, who is doing a wonderful job of correcting this story. Check out her stories, they're awesome.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

December 16, 2009

They hadn't told her it was a soccer game, this time. In fact, she was pretty sure that they had told her that it was still a practice. Not that she had anything against watching her son play soccer. But she was thoroughly unprepared for how much cheering she would be doing. By the time her son's team had won 3-0, her voice was hoarse, and her arms and legs were tired from all the jumping around and hand waving she'd done.

But it was so cool. She'd never been so proud in all of her life when Alex had scored the first goal of the game. Kate was pretty sure the other parents in the crowd thought she was crazy, but she couldn't help it. She also couldn't help gathering Alex up in a gigantic hug when he came out of the locker room after the game. She felt him stiffen up, but eventually return the hug. She could feel her cheeks flush, but she wouldn't let him go. For the first time ever, she had her son in her arms. She didn't think she ever wanted to let go.

"I'm so proud of you. You were awesome!" She almost shouted at him as she spun him around before loosening her arms and letting him step back a little. She kept her arms on his shoulders and beamed at him.

-:::-

It felt nice to be hugged by his mother for the first time, Alex decided. But it was odd. He hadn't thought much about getting a hug from her, but now he couldn't stop. His dad hugged him all the time (much to his consternation), so it wasn't as if he was a stranger to the sensation of being hugged. But there was something different about being hugged by his mom.

He liked it, and he decided he wanted to be hugged some more. So when she dropped him off after a nice dinner (this time fish and chips) and a trip to the Natural History Museum (because dinosaurs), he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her waist, and held on tightly for almost a minute. He could feel his dad watching behind him just like he could feel his cheeks growing warm, but he didn't care.

He liked hugging his mom.

-:::-

Rick was much less nervous about Kate's second evening with Alex. He had finally gotten his book back on track, and had spent the entire afternoon writing. He'd managed to knock out four complete chapters before Alex came running into the loft, grinning like a loon. Rick hugged his boy and asked him if he had a good time. Alex babbled for several moments about how great the new dinosaur exhibit was at the museum. Then Alex had turned around and wrapped Kate in a hug.

Rick held his breath, wondering how Kate would react. He breathed deeply when she wrapped her arms around their son like she'd been doing it for years. The smile on her face made him smile too. He thought he should be jealous, but he wasn't. He was happy for them, and he knew that Alex would still love him too, so there was no reason to be jealous.

He walked closer to them as they let each other go.

"I'm glad the two of you had a good time. Alex, why don't you go get ready for bed. Only two more days of school. I need to talk to your mother for a minute."

"Sure dad. Bye, Kate."

Rick noticed that Kate grimaced a little, and wondered what that was about. He chose to ignore it however, in favor of asking, "Do you have any time free around Christmas?"

"I work Christmas day, but I have the day before and the day after off completely."

"And you and your dad aren't going to get together?"

"No. Or at least, I don't think so. I haven't talked to him, but I assume he's spending it with his new wife and her family."

Rick nodded. "Okay. Well, Alex, my Mother and I usually do the traditional Christmas day festivities, so if you want, you can spend Christmas Eve with him. I...I don't think I'd be comfortable yet with him spending the night with you, but you could pick him up in the morning and spend the entire day and evening with him if you'd like."

"I've not celebrated Christmas in a long time, but I think I'd like to spend Christmas Eve with Alex. W-what, what should I buy him? Should I decorate?"

Rick smiled. "I know you guys are still getting to know each other, so it's okay. Alex likes books - I'm sure he's talked about it with you. He also likes video games, soccer, and comic books. He's a big Batman fan, and hates Superman with a passion, so if you go that route, don't get anything with the big 'S' on the front."

Kate grinned. "Why doesn't he like Superman?"

"Oh, no. You can ask him yourself. That will be a good conversation for the two of you. I remember you loving Superman when we were kids."

"I still do," Kate laughed. "You were always the Batman guy."

The two spent several moments just staring into each other's eyes, both lost in the memories of happy times in their shared past.

Rick broke the impromptu staring contest by looking away and running his hand through his hair. "So...uh...what time do you think you'll be here to pick Alex up?"

Kate shook herself, wondering what had just happened. "I'll be here around 11 if that's okay. He and I can have lunch."

"Sure," Rick nodded. "If there's anything he'll need to take with him, just text me and I'll make sure he has it."

Kate smiled. "Sure. I better go. I'll see you later."

Rick watched as she walked back down the hall towards the elevator. He needed to get a handle on himself. Staring longingly at his former flame was not something that he was okay with. There could be no future romance between him and Kate Beckett. There just couldn't be. He'd never trust her with his heart again. It was just impossible and wasn't something that he'd want anyways.

-:::-

December 17, 2009

Rick Rodgers loved the Christmas season. It was his favorite holiday right alongside Halloween. He loved to decorate the loft and buy presents for others. It allowed him to splurge on his family, something that was impossible when he was younger. His mom had always done well for him when he was a child, but they were not well off, and most of the money they had went towards living expenses. But he always had a good time and a few presents under the tree. It was also a great time because he and his mother would be invited over to the Beckett house for Christmas Eve dinner and a small gift exchange.

He remembered fondly how Johanna Beckett would tease his mother about not being able to bake no matter how much the younger woman tried to teach her. He could remember how much he had loved spending time with Jim Beckett, and how the older man had became like a father to him, something that he had never known.

The last Christmas they'd spent with the Becketts had been tense, though nobody had known why. They had still had fun, but it hadn't been like it had been in years past. Rick had put it down to the stress of the impending trip to Stanford for both him and Kate (they'd pushed their college back a year when Kate had discovered she was pregnant).

Rick shook his head and refocused on what he was doing. The crowds were thick in New York City, with people bustling around trying to buy last minute gifts. He, on the other hand, was just out observing people. He did this often when Alex was at school. It helped inspire him to write, and helped him create believable environments and personalities. He had always wanted to shadow people in professions that he often included in his books, but he hadn't been able to do so while at the same time raising Alex. His time out on the streets helped a bit, and he had been able to cultivate several long distence relationships with people who helped him with his research.

He was on the last few chapters of his next book, but it was still lacking something, some pizazz, something...he just couldn't put his finger on what it was. Ever since Kate had come back into his life, his thoughts had been straying to a new character, someone different than Derrick Storm. He'd had dalliances with other characters before, but this one felt different.

 _Nikki Heat_.

He had given in the night before and written the first chapter of a book based on the character, and it was _good._ For the first time in his life, he had decided that he wanted to have two story lines going at the same time, and it was kind of freaking him out. But the story was going to be good. Of course, it meant thinking about Kate Beckett again, but then when had he ever really stopped?

For years he'd tried to get over her, but he just hadn't been able to. She was the love of his life, as sad as that seemed even to him. It made her reappearance in his life much harder, because he wouldn't even let himself consider pursuing her again.

His past always made him sigh. It wasn't good for him to dwell on the past. Now if he could only get himself to believe it.

-:::-

December 18, 2009

The amazing thing about buying a Christmas tree was that there were so many options. Of course, that was different than when she'd been a little girl. All she could remember were the obviously fake trees here neighbors used and the glorious real trees her dad had brought home every Christmas. These days, there were multitudes of different types of fake trees (that looked real or cosmetically fake) as well as real trees.

Kate had decided that if she was going to play host for her son on Christmas Eve, she'd have to do some decorating, and that started with the tree. It also meant she'd need some decorations for the tree and her apartment.

That was the problem she was facing. She was going to have to go to her dad and get the decorations that she'd been given when her mother died. She'd left them at her childhood home, because she had honestly never thought she'd decorate again.

Christmas was hard for her. Not only had her mother died only weeks after the holiday season, but she'd also spent the Christmas after that completely alone. Christmas of 1999 was hard because she'd given up the love of her life and her son, and had done nothing but fight with her dad. And her mom was still gone. So she'd buried herself in work, and had volunteered for the unpopular shifts so that others with families could spend time at home. This was the first year she hadn't volunteered, and it had shocked Captain Montgomery so badly he'd had to sit down. She wasn't quite ready to tell him or her team about _why_ she needed Christmas Eve off, but it hadn't been a problem in the end.

She also wasn't sure that she was ready to spend any time with her father. Not because she wasn't ready for a closer relationship with him, but more she wasn't ready for a closer relationship with her new _step-mother._

She decided that she was just going to bite the bullet and get it done. That was why she was loitering on her father's doorstep at 7 in the morning. She had to get to work, which she was happy about. With a deadline, she wouldn't be conned into sticking around for breakfast.

It wasn't that she was unhappy that her father had found happiness again, but she was uncomfortable around his new wife.

"Katie? Are you just going to stand outside my door all day?" Her dad had apparently opened the door while Kate had stood procrastinating.

"Oh. Sorry. Hi, dad."

"Hi," Jim said, smirking. His daughter had always been uncomfortable around potential awkwardness. "Did you want to come in?"

Kate blushed. "Sure." She walked into her dad's house, looking around. She hadn't been there in years. She could remember the last time she'd been there. She'd just been assigned to Vice after running a standard patrol for the first part of her career. They'd fought over her being made, in her father's words, "a whore," to fight crime. Neither of them had said very nice things to each other, and that had led to their longest period of silence. After that, Kate kept all of their interactions over the phone so she could control when the conversation ended.

"Is Elizabeth here?"

"No, you just missed her. She had some things to take care of in her office before the break."

Kate nodded. "I came to get," she cleared her throat, "I came to get the Christmas decorations that were left to me after mom died. Do you think I can take them with me?"

"Yeah, sure. They're in the attic. Liz and I bought new ones last year. It didn't feel right to use the ones that were for you."

Jim led her up to the attic and pointed towards three different boxes, all labeled 'XMAS.' "I'll help you get them to you car. Then...maybe…maybe we could have breakfast together?"

He was so hopeful that Kate couldn't say no. She missed her dad.

-:::-

"So did you meet him?"

She was honestly quite surprised that her father had waited so long into their meal before he brought up Alex. She'd been prepared for the question since she walked in the door.

"Yeah, I've had him the last two Wednesdays. The first one I watched a soccer practice, and last week I got to see him play in a game."

Jim's eyebrows rose. "Do they play soccer in the winter now? I thought that was a spring and summer sport."

"It's inside, dad. The practice and the games are held at a sports complex. It's nice. I talked to some of the other mothers there and they told me that the place offers other sports like basketball, tennis, and swimming. It's kind of like the YMCA, but not."

"That's nice, Katie. How did your visits go?"

"Really well, I think. H...he hugged me last time. It was nice."

"I thought it might be weird. Honestly, I thought that you might do it once, and then back out. I'm glad

you're trying so hard to make amends."

Kate blushed, but had to bite her tongue. Her father had always been very blunt, and often tactless. He also had her mother's evil trait of really liking to say 'I told you so.'

"I'm glad too, dad. I'm glad too."

-:::-

 **a.n.2. Next chapter will be the end of Part 1 of this story. It's all going to be one story on Ffnet, so don't worry about that, I'm just going to label it part 1, part 2, and part 3 within the story itself. Part 2 will consist of about 10-12 chapters of interaction between Kate and Alex. The relationship between Rick and Kate will also progress, but it'll be in the background. If there are interactions between Kate and Alex that you'd like to see during those chapters, let me know in the reviews** **(i.e. Christmas, birthdays, mother's day and so on)** **.**


	11. Chapter 11

**a.n. This chapter gave me a lot of problems. I don't do fluff that often, and this is pretty fluffy. But here it is. Christmas for Kate and Alex.**

 **Thanks to Her Pegship for being an awesome and patient beta. Her stuff is great, so go read it!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

December 24, 2009

Kate was quite proud when she followed Alex into her apartment. The sparkling enjoyment that she saw in his eyes as he looked around the decorated apartment made her happy that she'd gone all out.

In truth, she probably went a bit overboard. It resembled a place that Kate and her parents had visited when she was younger called Bronner's. She could remember walking into the store in Frankenmuth, Michigan and being in complete awe of a store that sold nothing but Christmas stuff year 'round. In addition to the ornaments that she'd picked up at her father's house, she had also gone out and bought much more including twinkle lights that she'd always admired as a kid. In the end it looked like there was a Christmas explosion in her apartment.

It was nice though. It had also been a nice distraction. She missed Will quite a lot. Even with the way their relationship had ended, she still missed him. They'd been together for almost two years. At one time she had thought that he was her second chance at happiness (Rick having been the first). Decorating for Christmas once again had helped keep her mind off of her problems, and it hadn't been as hard on her as she had thought it would be. She'd thought that she'd think a lot about her mom and how Christmas had been ruined for so long, but she hadn't. Instead, she'd thought about how grateful she was that she was finally going to be able to spend part of the Christmas holiday with her only child.

"So, what do you think?" she asked after Alex had looked around a bit.

"It's great! Dad always decorates a lot, too. Do you do this every year?"

"Ah, no, actually. I haven't really been a fan of Christmas for many years, but after this year I think that's going to change. I had a lot of fun decorating."

Alex turned from admiring the big Christmas tree to look at his mother. "Why did you do it this year if you don't normally?"

"Well," Kate said cautiously, "I wanted you to come here, and it would have been pretty boring if I didn't do something to decorate. Then it just kind of snowballed until the whole apartment was covered in Christmas stuff."

Alex looked at her wide-eyed. "You...you decorated for me?"

"Of course. Well, for us, really. I was so glad your dad let me spend time with you. I missed a lot of Christmases. Maybe I'm trying to make up for it a little," Kate said, a little self consciously. After a few moments of awkward silence, she said, "So, let's have some lunch."

She'd managed to do some cooking before she had gone to pick him up, so all she needed to do was pull out the plates from the oven and set the table. She had debated long and hard over what to fix for lunch, because she hadn't a clue what a 10 year old boy would like to eat. In the end, she'd made chicken fingers and French fries, thinking that all boys liked simple foods.

"So," she asked, once they started eating, "what type of foods do you and your dad eat?"

Alex swallowed a bite of chicken and answered, "Dad says I've always been really picky, so he had to become a really good cook. I like lots of stuff, though, so I just think he's being overly dramatic."

"He used to be like that around me too."

"Do you...No never mind." Alex looked down at his meal again and tried to stop himself from asking the one question he'd always wanted to know the answer to.

"You can ask me anything, Alex. I promise I'll try to answer. I know we don't have the best relationship right now, but I'm working on it. We're working on it, right?" 

Alex looked to where she sat across the table, then nodded. "Do you ever wish that you were still with my dad?"

Kate looked down, blushing. "I...I regret the way things happened with your father. It doesn't make much difference now, but if I had been in a better frame of mind, I never would have left you or your dad. The problem is that I only see that _now_ that everything has gone to h-heck."

Alex giggled. "You can swear. Dad does all the time."

"Does he really? Well, I'll be having a talk with him later, then won't I?"

"Oh, he knows it's wrong. He created a swear jar, though he complains often about it being cliché." Alex rolled his eyes, "But then he swears a lot, and says that when I go to college I can have all the money in the swear jar."

Kate didn't want to think about Alex in college. _Is this what it feels like to not want your child to grow up?_ She couldn't even imagine what Rick would go through when Alex went off to college. He'd had their boy for his entire life. Then to have him leave? Even though she'd only been back in Alex's life for a little under a month, it was still a terrifying thought.

"Y-you're already thinking about college?"

"No." Alex shook his head. "I'm only 10. But dad says that it's good to be prepared. It's the Boy Scout way."

"But your dad was never a Boy Scout!?"

"He thinks he was."

"What about you, were you ever in the Scouts?"

"No. I'm not that much into outdoorsy stuff. I like video games too much. Do you play video games?"

Kate shook her head. "No, I can't say that I do. I played in the arcade when I was a teenager, but they don't really have those anymore."

"What were your favorite arcade games? Dad has a few on an emulator at home."

"Well, I liked Donkey Kong, but my favorite was Ms. Pacman."

The two discussed video games for several minutes. Kate was impressed at the number of classic games that Alex had played. "I thought that you'd have been playing all the new stuff, like Halo and Call of Duty."

"Oh, we play those too. Dad's a bit of a geek, did you know?"

Kate laughed. "I did know. Does he still have his huge comic book collection?"

"Yeah. I have one too! Batman is way cool!"

Kate narrowed her eyes. "Oh, really. What are his super powers?"

"Bruce Wayne doesn't need super powers, that's what makes him cool. Way better than that poser Superman."

"But I like Superman!"

"Really? What does he stand for? All heroes have a passion. Superman's passion was his planet, not ours. Sure he fights crime, but what else is he going to do? Plus, he didn't have to work for his powers, he just is."

The debate went on for over an hour, but in the end they agreed to disagree. By the time they were finished talking, it was around two o'clock.

"So are you ready for some presents?"

"You didn't have to get me anything. I know we don't really know each other that well."

"Hey, I think I have a few Christmases to make up for. Besides, I wanted to. _"_

"Okay."

Alex followed his mother into the living room where he saw a couple small presents underneath the tree. He grabbed his backpack from where he'd left it after coming into the apartment, and pulled out his wrapped gift.

"I-I got you something too," he said, nervously.

Kate smiled, but was a little shocked. She hadn't expected a gift from her son, though she should have. Even if Alex hadn't wanted to get her anything, Rick would have made sure that her son had something to give her. "Thanks." She walked across the room and picked up the two gifts that she had carefully placed under the tree that morning. She handed them both to Alex.

They sat down on the sofa, facing each other. Kate tried to ignore the awkwardness, but it was hard. Not only did she not really have a lot of recent experience celebrating Christmas, but she didn't know how to celebrate with her child. What were his previous experiences like? Every way she looked at it, her attempt at creating a nice environment for her son came up lacking in her mind.

 _Not much you can do about now, Beckett, just go with it,_ she thought.

"Why don't you go first," she said softly.

Alex nodded. He took the smaller of the two packages and started to slowly take the wrapping paper off. This was totally unlike him, as he would normally tear into his presents, but he didn't want to be rude.

"You don't have to save the paper, Alex. I know when I was a kid, unwrapping was part of the fun. So go ahead."

Alex grinned and ripped the paper off of the small present. He gazed down at the professional artist's kit that was in his hand and said "Wow, that's so cool!"

"Your dad said that you liked to draw and paint, so I thought I'd get you some tools . I know you probably have a bunch of this stuff already, but figured more would never hurt." Kate ran her hands through her hair in embarrassment.

"No, it's great! Dad buys me some good stuff, but normally it's not a kit like this one. Thanks!"

Kate smiled. "You're welcome. Go ahead and open your other one."

Alex took the bigger package and quickly divested it of its wrapping paper. He looked down at the big box in confusion. He knew what it was, but he already had an XBOX 360. Why would he need another one? He was about to be nice about it and say thanks anyways when Kate spoke.

"I know you already have a system at home, and a bunch of games. I thought that you could hook that one up here so that when you come to visit you and I could maybe play together?"

"Y-you want to play video games with me?"

"Sure. I mean, I'm going to be really bad, so you're going to have to teach me, but I think it could be fun!"

Alex sat the box containing the new video game system to the side and launched himself at his mom. He wrapped his arms around her and held on tightly. He was not crying. _He wasn't._

The two separated and Alex went back to where he was sitting. Then he remembered what was going to happen next and he blushed. His present didn't seem like so much now. "You should open yours now, Kate."

Kate looked down at the small present that she had sat on the coffee table. She picked it up and carefully removed the cheerful paper that had been neatly wrapped around the gift. She gasped and raised her hand to cover her mouth.

It was a drawing. A drawing of the her and Alex. She could tell it was free hand, but it was beautifully done. She was astonished that Alex had some serious talent. The sketch was done completely in pencil and was wonderfully shaded. The two people in the image were hugging each other tightly. She knew it well, as it was an image of the first time she had ever hugged her son. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she gazed upon one of the happiest moments of her life.

"I-I'm sorry," Alex stammered out.

Kate snapped her head up, finally looking away from the amazing image. "W-what? What are you sorry about!?"

"I didn't mean to make you cry!"

"Oh, honey, these are happy tears."

Alex wiped a few of his own hastily shed tears away and asked, "Happy tears?"

"Yes, silly. This is amazing, Alex. Thank you so much!" She reached across the sofa and pulled her son into another hug. She buried her face into his neck and just held him for a few moments. She was so happy to have him in her life. She promised to never let him go again. Never.

 **END PART 1**

 **-:::-**

 **a.n.2. This is the end of the first part of the story. The first chapter of the next part will be posted in early June. Here are a few of the things we'll see in part two (in no order): Alex's birthday, Rick's birthday, Kate's birthday, interaction with Jim, a beginning to a real relationship between Kate and her new stepmom, a Memorial Day party with interaction between Kate and Rick, and a surprise entrance of a canon character that shakes up everything! (Insert evil laugh).**

 **Again that starts in early June. I want to have several chaps written and betaed before I start posting. Expect part 2 to be around 15 chapters or so. If you have other things you want to see in part two (like certain interactions between Kate and Alex), let me know in reviews!**


	12. Chapter 12

**a.n. Here's the next one. We should be back to once a week updating for a while now that I'm ahead again.**

 **Thanks to Her Pegship for doing a phenomenal job of editing this!**

 **-:::-**

 **Beginning of Part 2**

January 9, 2010

Rick couldn't really believe that he was doing this, but he was. He was pretty sure that he and Alex weren't even going to be welcome, but he decided that they would at least stop by and pay their respects. In the last couple weeks he knew that Kate had told Alex a bit more about Johanna Beckett. Alex had been with Kate for the day after New Year's and once just a couple of days before the anniversary of her mother's death. Rick had been surprised that she had wanted to have an outing with their son so close to that anniversary, but he was happy that she wasn't letting her grief change the progress they had made.

And they had made progress. Astonishing progress, really. Before Christmas, mother and son appeared to be trying very hard to act normal around one another. It seemed very forced to Rick, who had mentioned it to Alex a couple times after their outings. Alex's response was " _I think we both want this to work, dad, but neither of us really knows how. Does that make sense?"_

It did make sense, and Rick was happy that both Alex and Kate were trying so hard. After Christmas, however, things changed quite a bit. Both seemed more at ease around each other, and while there were still awkward moments aplenty, they had an easier time bypassing them and moving on to other matters.

Rick was still quite wary of the relationship between Alex and his mom, even if he didn't show it. He wanted it to work. He wanted Alex to have his mother around, but he knew that Kate could be a bit flighty, and that she had a habit of running away from problems when they popped up. She'd done that even before Johanna Beckett's death. He was really worried that something would happen that would cause Kate to run away. He didn't think that Alex would handle that at all well, even after only a couple of months knowing his mom.

So they had made progress, though Rick was wary. But he was still trying to keep up a positive front around his son. So when he'd told Alex that today was the date Kate's mom had died, they'd decided to give Kate some support, even if she might not want it. That was what led them to knocking on the door to Kate's apartment after a brief stop at the florist.

There wasn't an answer to their knock for several minutes. When the door was finally opened, Rick had to stifle a gasp. Kate was on the other side of the door, dressed in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt; her eyes were red from crying and her hair messily tied back into a pony tail. It reminded him so much of the day 11 years before when they'd found out about Johanna Beckett's murder.

"R-Rick? Alex? What are you doing here?"

"Hi Kate," Rick said. "We're, uh, sorry to bother you but we just wanted to stop by and give you these." Rick prodded Alex, who was standing awkwardly next to him, holding the flowers they'd bought on their way. His son handed them to his mom, and offered a shy smile.

"We wanted you to know that we're thinking of you today, and that if you need anything, we're here for you," Alex said before ducking his head, his cheeks rosy red.

Kate stared down at the flowers in her hand, touched. "Thank you," she said sincerely. "I, uh, I'd offer to cook you dinner, but..."

Rick shook his head. "No, that's okay. Alex and I are going to hang out for a bit this evening. He just wanted to stop by and make sure you were okay."

"Thank you, Alex, that was really sweet," Kate said, trying her best to smile at her son. She knelt down and briefly pulled Alex into a hug before letting him go and wiping away a tear. She glanced at Rick and said, "Thanks, Rick."

They said an awkward goodbye, then walked towards the stairwell. Kate watched them go, feeling lighter than she had all day. For the first time in eleven years, she felt hope that things were truly getting better.

-:::-

January 24, 2010

Ice skating had been one of her favorite activities as a kid. She could remember fondly going to the rink at Rockefeller Center with her parents, skating happily through the throngs of people who would inhabit the rink throughout the winter season. She was, therefore, really excited to share her experience with Alex.

Alex, on the other hand, didn't seem so thrilled.

"Alex? Is something wrong?" she asked as they waited in line for their tickets.

"I...uh...just don't care for ice skating all that much."

Kate looked down at her son and noticed his hunched shoulders and his worried expression. "Have you ever been ice skating before?"

"A couple times," he answered vaguely. "Dad's not very good on skates, so we only ever went a couple times. He says it's the only thing that he hasn't been able to teach me."

Kate smiled down at him. "It's going to be okay, I'll be there and you can hold my hand. I'm pretty good on skates, so maybe I can teach you."

"Wh-what if I fall?"

"Well, I'll try to make sure you don't, but if you do, I'll help you back up. It's not as hard as it looks. I learned how to do this when I was your age."

They finally made their way through the ticket booth and towards the changing benches where there were already several people sitting and lacing a variety of multicolored skates. Kate led Alex to an empty space and then helped him into a pair of rented skates. She then, embarrassingly, put on her neon green skates which she'd had since she was a teenager.

"Wow, cool skates, Kate," Alex said admiringly.

Kate narrowed her eyes. "Thanks. You're not going to make fun of them?"

"No! Why would I? I think they look really awesome."

Kate smiled, and ran her hand through Alex's hair. Since Christmas she'd become more comfortable showing affection towards her son. She couldn't get enough of being near him, really. It was why she'd badgered Rick into letting her take Alex at least once a week, even though she could tell that Rick wasn't happy that she was interfering with some of his plans. She was thankful that Rick was as accommodating as he was. She was having the time of her life getting to know Alex, but she would never want to come between her son and his father.

"Thanks, Alex. Now let's go wait for our group to be called, then we I'll show you how great skating can be."

When they finally made it out onto the ice, Kate had to struggle to keep Alex upright. He was just like his father on ice skates, apparently. She could remember the few times she'd been able to bring Rick with her when they were kids, and he couldn't stay on his skates any better than his son could.

"This isn't working," Alex whined after fifteen minutes of constant tumbles.

"Just watch how I'm doing it, okay. It's just a matter of balance. You ride a bike, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, it's kind of like that. You just have to keep your balance." With that, she took his hand, and started to slowly lead him around the rink, coaxing him step by step until he finally was able to let go of her hand and shakily make his own way.

By the time their time on the ice was over, Alex was zooming around the rink as if he had been born to it. For the first time, Kate felt pride that was well deserved. _She_ had taught him something that no one else had. She'd felt pride in Alex when he'd played well at soccer, but this was different. As with everything, there was the guilty reminder that if she hadn't abandoned Alex in the first place she might have been able to teach him so much more, but she knew she had to just keep trying.

She vowed that she would keep trying. As long as her son would let her.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. I know it's short. All the chapters in Part 2 will be between 1200 and 2000 words. Next chapter we get some more Kate and Rick in the same place action, we see Jim and his wife again, and Kate has a close encounter with a former friend.**


	13. Chapter 13

**a.n Just FYI, Kate doesn't remember the name because** _ **I**_ **didn't remember the damn name. It'll make sense soon.**

 **Many thanks to Her Pegship who has been a phenomenal beta for this story. She takes my drivel and makes it readable, and for that we should all thank her. You can thank her by going to her page and reading her stuff. It's awesome!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. Obviously.**

 **-:::-**

February 12, 2010

This was going to be a mistake, she just knew it. She was also looking forward to part of it, though. She missed spending time with her father. She wasn't looking forward to getting to know her _step-mother_ so much, however. But she knew that the woman was a part of her dad's life, and she would have to get used to it sooner or later, or she would not be able to reconnect with her father.

She had been invited to dinner, and she had agreed, albeit reluctantly. She knocked on her dad's door, and waited patiently, the dessert she had brought balanced in one hand, a coffee cup in another. The coffee had been a spur of the moment decision, as she had needed to stop on her way to her father's apartment in order to calm her nerves. She didn't want to be seen as a basket case by her father's new wife, though why she cared what the what the woman thought of her, she didn't know.

Not that she could remember the woman's name, hence why even in her head, she was calling her _the woman._ She hoped that she could figure that out later without being rude or looking like a moron.

"Katie, hi," her dad, said after opening the door. He pulled her into a hug. Kate did her best not to stiffen, but she must not have been all that successful because her dad pulled back before she could return the hug. She offered him a small smile in apology.

"Hi dad."

She let him lead her into the apartment where she found her new step-mother in the kitchen, apparently preparing the dinner they were about to eat. Kate took a moment to just observe the woman. She was very pretty, if Kate were being objective about it. She had long auburn hair that flowed around a delicate face; she had startling gray eyes that shone with intelligence, and a very bright smile. Kate could see how her dad could be attracted to such a woman, though why he had married her was still a mystery to Kate.

"Katherine! Nice to see you again!" the woman exclaimed. Luckily, she did not try to give Kate a hug.

"Nice to see you too," Kate replied.

"Elizabeth has been cooking all day. It's going to be a great dinner," Jim said proudly.

 _Elizabeth, that's her name!_ Kate almost sighed in relief. She wouldn't have to make a fool of herself trying to pretend to remember the name. Normally she was quite good with remembering things, but this she seemed to have blocked out. Kate gave her father a brief smile before she sat down on a stool at the kitchen island. She could remember fondly now the days where she would sit in a similar position when she was younger, watching her mom and dad cook brunch together every Sunday. It was quite a shock to see her dad wander into this kitchen and start cooking with another woman.

It hit Kate that she wasn't all that happy for her dad. She knew she should be. After all, she hadn't been a great daughter to him since her mother had died. Her dad deserved happiness, that was for sure. And it wasn't as if he had moved on quickly. But for her, it would always be Johanna Beckett that held Jim Beckett's heart. It was hard to watch her dad prove that he'd moved on from that reality.

-:::-

Jim Beckett watched his daughter all through out the delicious dinner his new wife had spent the day preparing. On the one hand, he really wanted Katie to like Elizabeth. He knew that he had surprised her when he'd brought his wife to their reunion in early November, but he was done catering to his daughter's attitude. He'd stopped doing that not so long after Johanna had been killed.

He had been gutted when they'd found out about Jo's death. The two years after that were a blur of alcohol and despair. Even now, over ten years later, he couldn't list anything that had happened during those two years. He hadn't even been aware of his grandson's birth, let alone Kate's abandonment. When he had finally gotten clean, however, he'd tried to get back into being Kate's father again only to find out that she'd become a cop, broken up with Rick, and abandoned her child.

He'd been pissed. It might not have been fair after he'd spent two years at the bottom of a bottle, but it was what he'd felt at the time, and that never really went away. He couldn't fathom giving up his child at birth. He'd made the mistake of drifting away from her when Jo had died, but he wanted better for his daughter. Wanted her to _be_ better.

If he was honest with himself, he was quite ashamed that he had treated his daughter so badly over the last decade. They just couldn't seem to get along. For the first few years after he regained his sobriety, he had nagged constantly about getting into contact with Rick so she could be a part of her child's life. After that, they'd clashed on other matters, which led to them going long periods of time without talking with each other.

He was happy that she was finally taking her life back and was making an effort to get to know her own child. He was also happy that she was making a effort to renew their father-daughter relationship. He knew she would most likely be successful, if she could get along with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth. She'd been a complete surprise. He had never planned on falling in love again, but he had, and he didn't regret it. He had thought long and hard on his life, and knew now that Johanna would want him to be happy. So he would be happy. For her.

"So, Katie," he asked, trying to break though the awkward tension that surrounded the dinner table. "How's Alex?"

Jim reveled in the bright smile that lit up his daughter's face. She was glowing, and he was so proud of her. He was saddened to know that she had been missing this for the last ten years but happy she had the joy of parenthood now.

"He's great. We've spent a lot of time together since Christmas. I had him the day after New Year's, and he and Rick showed up on the 9th, which was nice, and then he and I attended one of his grandmother's plays just last week. I only see him about once a week, but it's nice."

"How about you and Rick, are you getting along?"

"We, uh, really don't talk all that much," Kate said. "Just enough for me to ask when I can see Alex next."

Jim could see Elizabeth hold her tongue, something she wasn't really all that good at. Obviously, there was something she was dying to say or ask, but she was afraid to upset the balance of the conversation. He could see the moment before her restraint failed her too. It was like watching an oncoming train that is about to slam into your car.

"Did you expect him to be friendly?" she asked, her voice laced with incredulity. "I mean, you ended your engagement, had his baby and then abandoned both of them. Did you expect him to except all that without being a bit frosty?"

Then Elizabeth put her hand over her mouth, her wide eyes showing nothing but shock at what she'd just said.

She wasn't the only one with wide eyes. Katie was staring back at Elizabeth in complete shock that was quickly morphing into anger.

Jim decided he needed to end this before it got into a fight. _So much for them liking one another,_ he thought acidly. "Katie..."

"No dad, it's fine."

"No it's not," Elizabeth said softly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, it was rude."

"You're right though, but also wrong in a way," Kate replied. "Rick has been...cordial. He's just uncomfortable spending time with me, which I understand completely. I've never expected him to forgive me. I don't deserve it, not for what I did to our son. I know that, but all I can do is try and make it up to Alex. He's the one that matters, and it seems to be going well. I'll just keep trying. It's all I can do."

"I'm really proud of you, Katie," Jim said, his eyes shining with pride.

There was silence in the dining room for several moments before Kate cleared her throat and said, "So...uh...how did you two meet? I don't think I asked the last time we were all together."

"We met at a conference in London," Elizabeth answered. "I was giving a speech, so I was pretty nervous. I had my notes in front of me while I was walking back to my suite the day before my speech when I ran into Jim here and knocked us both over."

-:::-

Kate watched as her dad and his wife, who she learned preferred to be called Beth, interacted with one another. The love they had for each other was undeniable, and that made Kate simultaneously happy and sad. She _was_ happy that her dad had found happiness since her mother's death, at least now that she'd seen the two of them together. He deserved it, and he was right about how Johanna Beckett would have reacted to him wasting his life. She was sad because it made her feel like she had wasted _her_ life.

What was she doing? Sure, she had 'lived' these last eleven years, but she hadn't lived fully. She'd dated, but looking back at it, she could see that she had stayed with Will not because she loved him but because he was what she knew. Her job was going well, but she knew that her mother would never have approved of her becoming a cop. More, Kate knew that she would likely be a detective for the rest of her career. The NYPD was very cutthroat when it came to promotions, and the entire system was mired in politics, something she wasn't prepared to face.

So what was she doing? Her choices since 1999 had been just a series of missed opportunities, starting with abandoning her child in favor of pursuing justice. Justice that she still didn't have, and might never have.

She'd given up her relationship with Rick, her child, and more for what now seemed a nebulous and unobtainable goal. Just what the hell had she been doing with her life?

-:::-

 **a.n.2. Another one in the books. We didn't see Kate's friend from the past in this one, and we didn't see Rick and Kate in the same chapter as I promised. Instead we got some Kate and Jim time. If things go to plan, we'll see those things in the next chapter.**


	14. Chapter 14

**a.n. This one got away from me and went places that weren't planned, but I think that it works better than what was originally in the outline (not that there's an outline that is intact anymore).**

 **Big, GIANT, thanks to Her Pegship who continues to take these ramblings and make them readable. Check out her profile here on Ffnet and read her Castle stuff. It's great, you won't regret it.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, like not even a little.**

 **-:::-**

February 15, 2010

The dinner with her dad and new step mom had gone well, outside of a few awkward moments. She wasn't ever going to be close to Elizabeth Beckett (whose name she would always cringe over), but she could be cordial with the woman. Her melancholy thoughts while watching them together had stuck with her over the last few days. Even a trip with Lanie for drinks hadn't really snapped her out of it.

Luckily she found herself at the Rodger's doorstep for a nice day with her son. He would cheer her up, he always did.

"Kate!" Alex shouted happily when he opened the door. "Are we really going to go play laser tag?"

"Yeah, got your gear?"

"Yup! Dad has my bag packed. Let me go get it. You can come in if you want." With that Alex trotted off to gather his things, leaving Kate standing awkwardly at the door to the Rick's loft. She didn't really feel welcome enough to actually go into Rick's loft without his permission, so she stayed put. The man himself showed up just a few seconds after Alex disappeared up the staircase.

"Hey Kate. You're making his day by taking him out for laser tag."

"He told me you guys play here at the loft. I thought it might be fun."

Rick smiled. "I'm sure you'll have a good time."

The two settled into their usual awkward silence, neither having much to say to the other. Kate didn't know what _to_ say. How could she repair the friendship they once had? It seemed impossible.

"How...how's your writing going?" she asked finally, just to break the silence.

"Good. I've started the next Storm novel, and," he trailed off while running his hands through his hair. He had always done that when he was hiding something, but Kate didn't feel comfortable pressing him on the issue, though she was curious as to what he could be hiding about his writing. Maybe it wasn't going well and he was just playing off his writer's block as not a big deal? "And, I've kind of started to write a new character. I've never done two story lines at once before, so it's a new experience."

"What's the second character?" Kate asked, her voice laced with curiosity. She had always been a fan of his work, and their time apart had not changed that at all. She had been so proud when he'd gotten published that she'd almost called him, but she'd chickened out at the last minute. She regretted her cowardice now, years later, as she could have met her son that much sooner if she had only made that phone call.

"I...uh...well I'm not really comfortable talking about it yet. I guess I shouldn't have brought it up."

Kate was really curious now, but she wasn't able to press any more because Alex came flying down the stairs with a Star Wars backpack on his back.

"Kate! Are you ready to go?"

"Yup! Let's go. Then I'll show you how to make sure you never lose to your dad in laser tag ever again!"

Mother and son laughed evilly on their way to the elevator. Alex threw a "'bye Dad," over his shoulder, and the two of them were on their way.

-:::-

The room was pitch black and the space was silent. The man sat completely still, pondering his predicament, wondering how he was going to get himself out of the bonds that kept him in the chair. His captors were unknown to him, though he knew there was more than one. He'd been in tight spots before, but this was new. He didn't know how they'd gotten the drop on him, but he knew that if he wanted to make it out alive, he'd have to get out of this chair quickly and without making any noise that could draw attention to him.

The man experimentally tugged at the tape that was holding his hands to the arms of the chair, but there was very little give, and he knew that without something sharp, he wouldn't be able to break through quickly or silently.

Sound flooded the small space he had been left in as at least two people entered the room on the other side of the door.

Rick cursed. He knew he was going to have to ask for help. Why he had to do this in the closet of all places, even he didn't know. Now he was going to look like an idiot. Not that it was the first time he'd been made the fool in front of his son.

Still, a big grin spread over his face as he imagined the look on Kate's face when she saw his current predicament. Or, rather, the grin would have spread across his face if it weren't for the duct tape that he'd applied to his mouth. Idiot.

"Dad! Where are you?" Rick heard Alex call out. The boy sounded very happy, which was unsurprising. His son was a laser tag ninja. No doubt that he had beaten Kate's NYPD blue socks off.

Rick made as much noise as possible, shouting through the duct tape, and rocking the chair back and forth, causing it to crash into the side walls of the small closet.

"Did he say he was going out somewhere?" he heard Kate say on the other side of the closet door. Apparently she'd taken a few steps into the loft. Rick made some more noise, which got her attention.

"Alex? Is there a reason why your dad would be in the coat closet?"

Rick could hear Alex groan as the boy walked closer to the closet. It wasn't long before the door to the small room where they kept their winter coats was thrown open.

"Rick! What happened? Did someone do this to you? Do I need to call 911?"

"Kate, don't - it's okay. He did this to himself."

Kate looked down at Alex, a shocked expression crossing her lovely features. Then a giggle slipped out. Then another. Before long Kate Beckett was almost rolling around on the floor, her whole body shaking with hysterical laughter. Alex, the little traitor, just joined in, laughing right along with her, neither one apparently caring that Rick was tied to a chair in a closet, or that he really had to pee.

He would get them back for this betrayal, even if it was the last thing he ever did.

-:::-

By the time the two had calmed down (and Kate had taken several pictures with her iPhone) and freed him, Rick was in desperate need for the toilet. He pushed rudely past the two giggling traitors and flew towards the downstairs bathroom.

When he was done he came out to find Kate and Alex hanging around the kitchen island, talking quietly.

"So, did the two of you have a good time at laser tag?" Rick asked, trying to make sure that the conversation moved beyond his embarrassing attempt at research.

"Yeah, dad, it was awesome. Kate's really good. She taught me a few moves that I can't wait to try on you."

Rick narrowed his eyes, "I don't think that those moves will help you, bud, I'll still wipe the floor with you."

His son scoffed. "You wish." Alex turned to Kate and asked, "Kate, do you want to stay for dinner?"

Rick froze. That was not part of the plan. He hadn't explicitly said anything to Alex, but he'd hoped that he wouldn't have to spend much time with Kate in any social setting. Just a few moments here and there were about all he could handle. There would always be a part of him that would want to get down on his knees and beg her to take him back, and he knew that the best way to keep that part of him at bay was to spend as little time in her presence as possible.

Kate looked at Rick, noticing his stiff posture. She would have agreed in a heartbeat if she hadn't seen the panic in Rick's eyes. She would have loved to spend more time with theirson. They'd had a wonderful day filled with laughter and fun, and she wasn't quite ready for it to end. But she wouldn't stick around if it made Rick so uncomfortable.

"Ah, I'm sorry, sweetie, but I've got to go home and get some work done around my apartment. Maybe next time."

"Aw, please? Dad doesn't care, do you, dad?" Alex turned his puppy dog eyes onto his father, knowing full well that Rick could never say no to the big blue eyes that were so much like his own.

Before he could stop himself, Rick answered, "Sure, bud. If Kate wants to stay for dinner, I don't mind."

What the hell? How was he going to spend more than an hour in the presence of Kate Beckett? He knew that their time together would be awkward, but he would endure. _It could be worse,_ Rick thought as he started to make his way towards the kitchen, _my mother could be here as well._

-:::-

 **a.n. The dinner is next chapter. This right here, folks, is the beginning of Caskett. It won't happen fast, but from the smallest seed a mighty trunk shall grow, or something like that. I know I've been teasing a meeting with a friend of Kate's for two chapters now, but that's going to have to be pushed back. The characters apparently wanted to have dinner first.**

 **Review** **s** **feed the beast. Leave one. No one likes a hungry beast.**


	15. Chapter 15

**a.n. There is a lot of introspection in this chapter and not a lot of dialogue, but we finally find out more about C &B's breakup in 1999, and we get some very small glimpses of where we're going in the long run. Remember that this is going to be a slow road to romance. If you're looking for a quick resolution, you're going to be very disappointed. To make it realistic, it can't be quick. There is just too much hurt between them, plus there's a small 10 year old boy who is more important than any of that hurt. It's going to be hard for both of them, and it won't be quick. Just thought I'd mention that again.**

 **Thanks to Her Pegship for beta-ing this story. Words are not enough to express my gratitude for her continual support on this story. Go read her stuff. It's awesome, and you won't regret it. (She even proofs my author's notes. Thank goodness.)**

 **Disclaimer: Does anyone own Castle anymore? Can you believe that it's been so long since the finale? Two whole years since TV was good.**

 **-:::-**

February 15, 2010 (Continued)

She should have left. Kate knew it almost as soon as she sat down at the kitchen island while Rick went into the kitchen to start dinner. Sure, she liked spending time with Alex and wanted to spend more time with him, but his father was another story. She just wasn't comfortable spending time with the man she had once planned to marry.

On the other hand, she knew that this was probably going to be good for them, if they could get through it. Maybe this was their chance to become friends again, even if they couldn't get back what they had before she'd ruined everything. Though she knew that that would be very hard to do.

"So bud, tell me how you did at laser tag," Rick said, breaking the silence. Kate watched as he moved around the kitchen gathering implements and ingredients that he'd use to cook their meal.

"Well, we were able to join in on a team together first, and we totally whooped the other team. Kate showed me how to stay in cover and how to use the landscape to my advantage. It makes me want to be a cop when I grow up."

Kate, who had just taken a drink of the wine that Rick had graciously handed her a few minutes before, nearly spat out an entire mouthful of expensive white wine. There was no way, no way in hell, that she wanted her boy to become a police officer. Not a chance. He should become a doctor or a lawyer or perhaps continue on with art if that's what he wanted to do. But joining the force? She wouldn't allow it.

She was just about to tell him so, as kindly as possible, when Rick said, "That's cool, bud. Cops are awesome. But you're just 10 years old. Remember a couple years ago when you wanted to be an astronaut? Then after that you wanted to be a professional dog walker because you thought it'd be cool to be master of all dogs? Then a few months after that when Gram had you wanting to be an opera singer? I'm sure that whatever you choose to do, you'll be awesome, but there is no need to choose so quickly."

"But dad, cops are so cool."

"Yes they are, but so are firefighters and race car drivers. Besides, you can't be Batman if you're a cop."

Alex's shoulder's drooped. "I guess you're right."

Kate watched on in amazement as Rick diverted Alex's attention to other matters and away from the boy's future career. It reminded her that while she had been a part of Alex's life for a few months now, she was still an outsider. Rick had all the experience raising their son, and she had none. She'd missed the part where she'd have learned how to defuse situations like the one that had just happened. She'd missed so much.

"Where's the bathroom?" Kate blurted out. The two guys looked at her, both shocked at her outburst, which had interrupted their argument over which of Batman's toys were the best.

"It's just across from the entry way over there," Rick said, pointing. "You okay?"

She couldn't take his concern, so she just nodded and walked toward the restroom where she could try to regain her dignity. She would not lose her composure in front of Alex. She wouldn't.

She quickly made it to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She rested her hands on the marble counter top and stared at her reflection in the mirror that hung over the sink.

What was she doing? She thought she had made a lot of progress since November when she had reinserted herself into her son's life. She had thought that she was doing the right thing and that she would someday be the mother she should have been. Now she wondered if she had just been fooling herself all along.

Kate reached towards the sink and turned on the cold water. After splashing her face with some water, Kate looked back up at the mirror. She had promised herself that she wouldn't run. But she so wanted to.

She would never have what Rick had with Alex. Even after several months of seeing him once a week, Alex still hadn't called her 'mom.' She hadn't pushed him to do so, and she wouldn't, but she so wished that he would. Now she thought that she might not ever deserve the title.

"Kate?"

She hurried to dry her face, forcing herself to regain her composure. No way would she let Rick see her like this.

"Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine," Kate choked out. "I'll be out in a minute!"

"You sure? You don't sound fine..."

-:::-

He hated himself a bit for caring so much. He shouldn't care. Or, maybe he should, but just not so much as to chase after her. His days of being her shoulder to cry on were long over. But even now, after everything that had happened, he still couldn't stand to see her so upset.

And she had been upset. He didn't know why, but even after so many years apart he could see that something had caused her to run to the bathroom; he just didn't know what it was. So, being the noble idiot he was, he gave her a few moments, then went after her after setting Alex to the task of setting the table for three.

Now that he'd asked and been rebuffed, he really should leave her be. She had always been a bit stubborn, and he figured that losing her mother and being estranged from her father had only made that bad habit become more pronounced.

Before he could make his way back to the kitchen, the bathroom door opened.

"Oh," Kate exclaimed, surprised that Rick was still standing outside of the bathroom.

"You've been crying," Rick blurted out. Cursing himself, he continued, "Are you sure there isn't something you want to talk about?"

"No, it's fine...I just...I saw the way you two behave together and how good you are with him and it just made me realize that I'll likely not ever be like that with him. I missed that chance." Kate hung her head, her cheeks flushing. She had never been good at keeping things from him. _Seems like some things never change,_ Kate thought.

Rick was silent for a moment before saying, "I don't think you have much to worry about, Kate. Alex has a good time with you, he's beginning to trust you, and if you keep working on it, your relationship will continue to grow."

Rick wasn't sure why he was consoling her, besides his misplaced nobility. But it was all true. Alex was taken with her. His son often talked about the outings that Kate had taken him on, and was still all atwitter about how much he enjoyed playing video games with his mom (most likely because he always won).

"Do...do you think that he'll ever love me like he loves you?"

Rick froze for a moment. Would Alex love her? Rick thought about it for a moment, thinking about his own reaction to the question. Would he care if Alex loved his mom as much as the boy loved his dad? For a moment the jealousy that he tried to keep suppressed engulfed him. Pushing it down into the place where he kept all of his irrational fears (invasion of zombies, his mother moving back in with him, Alex not loving him any more), he replied, "I think he will, Kate. You just have to give him some time. Now let's get back to dinner before he sets the loft on fire."

-:::-

Dinner was less awkward than he thought it would be. Rick had gone simple with pasta and baked chicken with red sauce and a side of green beans. He had a store boughtcheesecake for dessert, which would be well received by Alex, who loved cheesecake more than he loved any other food.

The conversation had been largely focused on the little boy sitting at the table, but Rick was all right with that. He had already passed way over his comfort level for the evening. Instead of worrying about it, or trying to reroute the conversation, he took the opportunity to study Kate.

She'd been his best friend for a long time. They'd been so close as kids. Rick was sure that he'd spent more time at her house during his preteen years than he did at his own. His mother was hardly ever around, which meant that he had the choice of a nanny or staying with the Becketts. He'd always made the best choice. After all, his best friend and her parents were way better than whatever drunk nanny his mother could afford.

He could remember every single moment he had spent with her from their first meeting to the moment she had broken his heart. He had regrets. At least he did now. If he could go back, he would've pushed harder for her to stay with him once her mother died. He wouldn't have cared if she wanted to pursue a career in law enforcement. He would have worried, but he would have been there. He had loved her so damn much, and it had broken him to see her so broken.

The whole two weeks after they'd found out about Johanna's death had been the worst times of his life. He'd been there for her, of course, or at least as much as she would let him. The worst moment came when she had approached him and said the words that he would remember forever.

" _Rick, I think I want an abortion."_

He had hated her in that moment. There was nothing in him except hatred and rage. All the love and caring and empathy he had held for her for so long was gone. It had taken everything in him not to run as far away from her as possible in that moment out of fear of his reaction. He had never been so damn angry at anyone in his entire life.

It had taken him weeks to keep her from going through with it. In the end, she'd agreed. But by that time, their relationship was over. The ring he'd so happily given her just weeks before she'd told him about the baby was back in its box at his house, and they'd agreed to go their separate ways after the baby was born. He had still loved her, but he knew that he could never be with her after all their fighting. He knew that she was suffering from immense grief, but he couldn't care. Not when there was a baby that needed him.

Once Alex was born, Rick had been so busy with him that he hadn't had a lot of time to grieve for his relationship. By the time Alex was old enough to stay with other people, Rick was too attached to even consider it. His personal relationships with his friends had faded and any chances at romance were ignored or looked at with disdain.

Then she had come back into his life after that Halloween, and everything had changed again. Could he trust her? Could he trust her with Alex? Did he want to? Despite his uncertainty, Rick had ended up deciding that it was Alex's choice and that he, Rick, would not get in Alex's way if he wanted to know his mother.

Here she was, months later. He had kept his distance from her for months, and he thought that he had been right to do so. Now, he wasn't so sure. He watched as she interacted with Alex, and saw how much she had come to love their son. Maybe they could work their way towards being friends again. If only for Alex's sake. Could that work? Did he want it to?

Rick Rodgers didn't know.

-:::-

 **a.n. There's that one. I know it probably didn't turn out the way you thought it would. I know it went places I didn't expect.** **I know that I promised that this would be a small step forward for Caskett. It is, even if it doesn't seem like it. These issues and their shared past need to be thought about, discussed, and eventually handled in some way. That's not going to happen over night.**

 **Next chapter we won't see as much introspection. We finally see an encounter with an old friend of Kate, and we see some Rick and Alex time as we celebrate April 1, 2010!**

 **I** **have** **a review goal for this chapter. I will not tell you what that number is. But if I reach it, I'll update the next chapter a few days early. Let's see if outright bribery will work!**


	16. Chapter 16

**a.n. As a reward for those who reviewed.**

 **Thanks to Her Pegship for being a wonderful beta. Without her, there would be inappropriate commas everywhere.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own** _ **Castle**_ **.**

-:::-

March 28, 2010

Kate was running late, so she hadn't stopped to get her morning coffee as she normally would have. That, of course, set the tone for the entire day, which in turn made her extraordinarily ornery. Her two partners, Ryan and Esposito, had learned early on in the day to steer as clear of her as possible or else suffer horrible consequences.

Nothing had gone right the entire day. The case they were working on was hitting dead ends left and right and she had no clue as to who had raped and killed the young woman whose corpse they'd found the previous morning. Worse, Captain Montgomery was threatening to shut the case down as the 12th precinct was swamped with new cases. She despised leaving a case behind, and constantly fought against every decision to do so. Montgomery's threats led to her getting into a screaming match with her boss, which was never good.

Worse still, if they didn't catch a break soon, she'd have to cancel an outing with Alex. Since returning to his life in November, she had yet to cancel on him, and she didn't want to start now. But she knew that she wouldn't have a choice if something didn't pop soon.

Dammit.

-:::-

Alex sat on the couch waiting for Kate to show up. She was running late, which was okay, but he was really bored. His dad was entrenched in his writing and had been all afternoon, which was fine. Alex had gotten his homework done for the next day, and had spent the rest of the day playing video games. Kate had asked to spend the evening with him since she had to work during their next Wednesday outing.

But now he was ready to go and his mother was not here. And he was bored. And his dad was busy. And he was hungry. He knew his dad would be deaf to the world for several hours with his writing, so he decided that he'd go into the kitchen and get himself some food. Just a little snack wouldn't ruin his appetite.

Alex walked into the kitchen and looked around. There was a bowl of fruit on the counter, but fruit wasn't what he wanted. He was sure that fruit would be what his dad would give him, especially since they both knew that Kate was going to take him out to dinner later. Nah, fruit wasn't going to cut it. But there were cookies. Where were the cookies?

Ah. There they were, on top of the refrigerator.

 _They're up so high,_ Alex thought sadly. Why his dad thought putting cookies up so high was a good idea, Alex would never know. He wasn't 5 any more. He was 10 and was pretty tall for his age. Besides, all he had to do was get the step stool he had used when he was younger, and drag it to the fridge.

The cookies were not near the edge of the fridge, but pushed way back. The stool was not meant to get someone to such heights, but to be used to reach the sink so that small children could wash their own hands. Alex could vaguely remember how grown up he had felt when he was able to wash himself up for the first time. Now he was going to be able to get his own cookies, despite his father's attempts to keep them out his reach.

Just as Alex had grasped the cookie container with a victorious smile on his face, the stool he was standing on slipped out from underneath him. Before he could catch himself, he fell to the floor banging his head painfully on the kitchen island which was right behind him. He tried to break his fall, but the only thing that accomplished was even more pain, this time in his left arm.

"Dad! Daddy!" Alex shouted as loud as he could. "Dad!"

-:::-

Rick was on a roll. He'd been able to write four chapters and he could just feel the way the story was progressing. He'd only stopped three times to make sure that Alex was doing all right on his own, and then he'd gone back to his laptop to continue the story.

He knew that Alex would likely be gone with Kate before his writing juices had finished flowing, so he was surprised when he heard shouting coming from the other room.

Groaning, as he had been in the middle of a particularly good scene, Rick looked up. He hoped that Alex was just celebrating a cool moment on his video game so that he could go back to writing.

"Dad! Daddy! Help!"

Forgetting his writing immediately, Rick flew out of his chair, ignoring the sound of it falling over behind him, and rushed into the living room. Not finding Alex anywhere, he dashed into the kitchen and froze when he saw his 10-year-old son lying on the floor. Alex's arm was bent at a completely wrong angle, the bone sticking out of the skin. Worse, a lot of blood was pooling underneath his son's head. Rick could see that Alex was quickly losing consciousness as he rushed to the boy's side.

"Alex, stay with me bud. Stay with me, you're going to be okay."

"It hurts, daddy. It hurts," Alex whispered.

"I know, buddy, I know." Rick dug his phone out of his pocket and dialed 911. His heart was racing, and his palms were sweaty. He knew he had to hold it together for Alex's sake, but inside he was freaking out. He really hoped the paramedics were fast.

-:::-

Kate was finally out. She had tried to call Rick to let him know that she was on her way, but he hadn't answered. She rushed to her cruiser and headed towards Rick's apartment. Normally, she'd have gone home and changed before taking her kid out for a dinner and a movie, but she didn't want to be any later than she already was.

She was about half way to the loft when her phone rang shrilly.

"Beckett," Kate answered without looking towards the screen.

"Kate, darling, it's Martha."

"Martha, hey, is something wrong?" Kate asked, noticing the unsteady tone of Martha's voice. "I'm on the way to pick Alex up for our evening out."

"Yes, that's one of the reasons why I'm calling. You see, Alex fell at the loft this evening and was taken to the hospital. We're there right now. I thought you ought to know before you get to the loft."

Kate felt the blood drain from her face as Martha's words settled around her.

"What...what happened? Is he okay?"

"I'm not sure, Kate. Richard hasn't really told me all that much, he's pretty upset. As for Alex, he's going to be fine. He has a mild concussion and a severely broken arm. He'll be in pain for a while, and he'll have a cast, but other than that he'll be fine. They're going to keep him overnight so that they can keep checking on his concussion."

"What hospital are you at?" Kate demanded while pulling into a fire lane.

"New York Presbyterian," Martha answered. "We're in the ER waiting room. Alex is in surgery as they had to set his arm and patch his skin up."

"Surgery!"

"Yeah, it was a really nasty break."

"I'm on my way."

Kate ended the call and sped in the direction of the hospital. She knew she was being silly, but to her, it felt as if she was losing her little boy. She couldn't lose him. She couldn't.

-:::-

She found them in the waiting room. She could see that Rick was very shaken up, but at the moment she couldn't find any sympathy for him. Where was he when their child was getting hurt?

She pushed back her need to scream at him for a moment and asked, "How is he, has there been any update?"

Martha gave her a small smile. "He's out of surgery, and in post-op. Once the anesthesia wears off, we'll be able to see him."

Kate sighed and sat down next to Alex's Grandmother. "What happened? How did he get hurt?"

"He wanted cookies," Rick said softly.

"Cookies? Why couldn't he have cookies?"

"He could. But he didn't ask. I was writing, and he was waiting for you out in the living room. Apparently he got hungry, and decided to get a snack. The cookies are on top of the refrigerator so that he and I don't binge on them too much. He has my sweet tooth, you know? He got the stool he used when he was younger to reach the sink. It slipped out from underneath him and he hit his head and broke his arm."

"Where were you?!" Kate asked accusingly. "Why weren't you watching him?"

She heard Martha gasp, but ignored it. She also ignored the small part of her that told her it wasn't in her best interest to criticize the man who held her visitation rights in his hands.

"I was writing in my office. It isn't unusual," Rick said softly. He didn't seem angry. "He knows that he isn't supposed to do anything dangerous while I'm distracted. I don't think he thought that this was dangerous. It is my fault, though."

"Nonsense, Richard," Martha said after throwing a glare at Kate. "Kids are adventurous, and they get hurt. No parent can watch their kids every minute of every day, not when," and here Martha glared at Kate again, "they're trying to raise their child alone. I know, I was there. Remember when you were so determined to learn to ride your bike without training wheels? I was going to teach you but you were impatient. You broke your leg! I blamed myself for weeks. But it wasn't my fault, nor was it your fault. Kids get hurt, it's a fact of life. It's how they learn _not_ to do things. Alex will be fine, and in the long run he'll be better off for having learned this lesson. Granted, he is a boy, so he may end up learning it again and again before it sinks in, but I digress."

Kate looked down in shame. She didn't have the right to criticize Rick for making a mistake, not when she hadn't been there either. If she hadn't been running late, she thought, Alex wouldn't have been hurt. She felt ashamed at having blamed Rick for what happened, and the ever present guilt that she lived with was also creeping up on her.

"Family of Alex Rodgers?" A voice called.

Kate, Martha and Rick stood as one. Kate thought they looked like a little family. If only that were the case. If only.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. This didn't go where I thought it would. Next chapter, if the characters cooperate, we see a big moment between Kate and Alex, a moment between Kate and Rick, and FINALLY an old friend is introduced into the story. Goodness, that friend has been waiting a long time!**

 **Reviews are like cookies. And I love cookies.**


	17. Chapter 17

**a.n.** **Posting a day early due to the holiday here in the States. No extra chapter this week, sadly. Thanks to everyone who reviewed so far. You're all so awesome.** **Some deep stuff in this chapter,** **so here we go.**

 **Big thanks to Her Pegship who continues to beta this story. Trying to find an adjective that describes how grateful I am is very hard. So I'll just say that she's awesome, and you should go check out her stuff.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

March 28, 2010 (Continued)

Rick hated hospitals with a passion, but never more than he did right now. Ironically, it was because of the woman who stood next to him. When she was ten years old, little Kate Beckett had come down with a terrible case of pneumonia and had almost died. To Rick it had felt like he had almost lost half of himself at the time, and he hadn't understood. For almost a week he'd sat at his best friend's side and had prayed to God that he didn't lose her.

Now his son was in a bed not unlike the bed that Kate had occupied so long ago. Alex had only been in the hospital a few times, and none of them had been so serious as this. Alex had always been very healthy and had never been accident prone outside of a few scraped knees that hadn't required any visits to the hospital.

"He looks so small," Kate said from the other side of the bed. Rick could only nod. "Has...has he ever been in the hospital before?"

Rick finally looked away from his son. "Never overnight. He had the flu when he was three, and ended up with a fever of 103. They kept him for a few hours then sent him home. When he was seven he needed stitches after he got into a fight at school."

Kate stared back at him wide eyed. "Alex got into a fight at school?"

"Yeah," Rick said, smiling slightly. "When he was four we lived next to a couple and their daughter, Paige. Alex and Paige were best buds right from the start, and they both attended the same school. Apparently there was a bully in second grade that set his sights on Paige. Alex wouldn't let the bully beat Paige up, so instead took on the bully himself."

"Wow."

"Yeah. I was pretty proud. Though I tried to teach him that violence wasn't the answer, it was pretty hard when he was standing up for his best friend."

"I admit, I'm pretty proud too. Where's Paige now? I haven't heard him talk about being best friends with anyone."

"She and her parents moved away last year. It was pretty hard on both of them. Last summer we took a trip to Philadelphia where they moved. It let the two kids spend about a week together. It was nice. I think we're going to do something similar this summer, though it might be them coming here."

The two parents looked down at their son and watched him for a few minutes in silence. "We almost lost him today," Kate said softly. "I missed so much. I just haven't had enough time with him. No amount of time could be enough. I think it's really just hitting me how badly I've messed up."

Rick was silent for a few moments before he replied, "You can't change the past. He needs you to get over the guilt, and accept that he's forgiven you. He has. He's told me so. Just keep doing what you're doing and it'll be fine."

"What...what about you? Will you ever forgive me?"

Rick froze. How could he answer that question? On one hand, she had abandoned him with their child and left him to be a parent all on his own. She'd also ended their relationship. He'd loved her, and he had known at the time that he would never love another like he did Kate Beckett.

He was saved from answering when Alex started to move around. Rick put his hand on his son's shoulder and said, "It's okay buddy, it's okay. You're in the hospital."

"Daddy..." Alex whispered groggily, his eyes slowly opening.

"I'm here, bud. I'm here." Rick gently squeezed his son's shoulder, ignoring the tears that were threatening to flow down his cheeks.

-:::-

Kate felt a bit like an intruder, but stuck right by Alex's side. She wouldn't be moving any time soon. She was so happy that Alex was awake. It was further proof that he was going to be just fine, and the day hadn't ended in tragedy.

Alex turned towards her after softly mumbling with his dad. His eyes widened. "Mom! I didn't even know you were here!"

Kate, who had been standing silently, stiffened. Her eyes shot up to meet Rick's equally astonished face. Alex had called her mom. He had never called her mom before. In fact, he had gone out of his way to always call her Kate, which had been just fine for her. Though, deep down, she had been wishing for weeks now that he'd call her mom.

Now he had.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she grasped her son's hand and squeezed gently. "Yeah, Alex, I'm here."

Mom. She was his mom. For Kate Beckett, this moment was perhaps the happiest moment of her life. She would not ever again let her son down. She would be the mother he had always needed her to be. Always.

-:::-

March 29, 2010

It was weird. Sitting next to Rick Rodgers, in his home, on his couch, and drinking wine. Sure, she'd had dinner with Rick and Alex a couple times, but it wasn't something that she felt Rick was all that comfortable with.

After Alex had been released from the hospital, they'd brought him back to the loft. She had helped Rick tuck Alex into bed, which was an entirely new experience for her.

Alex's "Goodnight, mom," was still ringing in her ears when Rick had asked her if she wanted to have a drink. She'd been surprised by the offer, but had accepted. She didn't really want to leave the loft. Her apartment was much too far away from her son.

Kate sat on one end of the couch while Rick sat at the other, both sitting in awkward silence, neither knowing what to say to the other.

Finally, Rick broke the silence. "You really love him, don't you?"

Kate looked at him wide eyed. "Of course, I do. How can you even ask something like that?"

"Then why did you leave?" he asked, quietly. "Why did you leave me to raise him alone? I...never mind, it doesn't matter."

Kate looked down at her hands, which were resting in her lap. "It does matter. I know when I asked to have time with him, we talked, but you haven't forgiven me. I can see it in your eyes every time I show up at the door. You still expect me to leave again, don't you?"

Rick was silent for a moment before replying, "Yes."

"I-I don't know how to prove to you that I'm in this, Rick. I know that you don't trust me; at the beginning I didn't trust myself. I hadn't a clue what a relationship with Alex would be like. That's why I've just aimed to be his friend for the last few months, and not his mother. That was why I was so surprised that he called me mom yesterday at the hospital. I don't know how to be his mom. I didn't get to learn that because I was…I was selfish and a coward. I-I put my needs in front of those of my child, and I'll never be able to make up for that."

Kate had tears rolling down her cheeks. She had worked hard since November at gaining Alex's trust and friendship. She had known that Rick had still had several issues with her, and she couldn't blame him.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I shouldn't have pushed you." Rick sighed and looked down at his feet. "I know it has been awkward between you and me since you came back into our lives. I...you're right, I didn't trust you at the beginning, and I'm still not quite there yet. But you deserve some credit for showing up and sticking around.

"We've had dinner here a couple times since that first time back in February. Maybe we should do that a bit more often?"

Kate looked at him strangely. "Why would we want to do that? It's so awkward every time we try."

"We need to get past that, Kate. For Alex, if for nothing else. If you're going to stick around, then you're going to be in our lives for a long time. We can't avoid each other as much as we have been. I don't know if we can even be friends again, but we don't have to be the awkward strangers we've been for the last few months. I...I will work on my issues, and it'll get better as I get to know you again. Maybe...maybe the three of us can do things together every now and then. We can't be a family like we once could have been, but maybe we can make our own kind of family."

"I'd like that, I think," Kate said with a watery smile. "I think I'd like that a lot."

-:::-

 **a.n.2. It's short, I know, but it's a big chapter for Kate and Rick. Next chapter is going to be longer. We're going to start to see Kate and Rick in the same place more often, we're going to see some Martha and Kate together in the next chapter or so, and Jim gets to meet his grandson very soon. Oh, and that friend I've been teasing about? She shows up next chapter too, I promise. Oh, did I say she?**

 **Reviews are very much appreciated, as I love to hear what you guys think of how the story is going!**


	18. Chapter 18

**a.n. Here's the next one. Birthdays, and meetings, and more! Bunches of fluff.**

 **Thanks to Her Pegship, my beta. I'm so grateful that I'd write poetry to thank her for her work, but I'm not sure that it wouldn't be punishment for her. So, I'll just say thank, and remind you to go check out her Castle stuff.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

April 1st 2010

The fascinating thing about having a birthday on April Fool's day was that Rick often got some really interesting gifts. He could remember some of the fun that he and Kate had had during his birthday parties when they were kids. Kate would plan extravagant gags for him that would inevitably lead the two of them to riotous laughter.

Now that he was in his thirties, he could look back and enjoy the simplicity of the parties they'd had during those days. Celebrating his birthday now often felt like an obligation rather than something to look forward to. Not only was he getting older, but he often felt like he had a responsibility to his friends to have a party when he really didn't like to celebrate the fact that he was another year older.

Another year older.

Another year alone with no one in his life besides Alex and his mother.

He tried to tell himself that it was enough, but as the years continued to pass, he felt like his life was just passing him by. It was beginning to bother him more and more.

 _Maybe it's time to start dating,_ Rick thought as he watched his mother sit next to Alex on the couch. The two had demanded that he celebrate his birthday properly, but he had put his foot down this year. With Alex only a few days out of the hospital, he wasn't going to be throwing any extravagant parties for the few friends he had. It was just not going to happen. So, in compromise, he had let the two of them cook him dinner and set up some board games. He just wanted it to be simple this year.

"Dad! Can you finally open your presents? It's been all day!"

Rick smiled down at his son as he took a seat next to him on the couch. Alex had flourished over the last couple of days, despite his injuries. He'd even let Rick doodle on his cast, which was cool. Alex had also been happy that Kate had stopped by each day after work to check on him. Rick could tell that Alex was happy to see his mother more than just once a week.

Rick was still working on it, but he felt a little better after their conversation a few days previous. He was going to try to be less awkward around her. Maybe they could be friends again. Maybe.

"I think it is time, bud. What did you get me? Did you get me a puppy?"

Rick watched as Alex rolled his eyes. His breath caught as he recognized a movement that was just so like Kate Beckett. Alex looked so much like Rick himself that he hadn't often been reminded of his son's mother. However, there were obvious reminders that Alex Rodgers was Kate Beckett's son just as much as he was Rick's son.

"Of course not, dad."

"So what did you get me?"

Before Alex could hand the gift he had been holding in his lap to his father, there was a buzz at the door. Alex groaned and Rick laughed. "Looks like you'll have to be patient for a little while longer," Rick said as he stood and ran his hands through Alex's hair affectionately.

"Hi, Kate," Rick said when he opened the door. "How are you today?"

Kate smiled at him. "I'm doing okay, Rick. Happy birthday."

"Thanks," he replied, moving to the side so she could enter the loft.

As she passed by, Kate handed Rick a small package. Rick looked down at it wearily. He hadn't really considered that Kate would stop by, though he should have. He watched as Kate headed towards the living room.

"Oh, hey mom!" Alex said happily. "Did you know it was Dad's birthday?"

"I did know that, actually," Kate said with a smile. "We used to have some really fun times when we were kids celebrating his birthday, you know because it's on April Fool's Day."

"What did you do," Alex asked curiously as Rick sat down on the couch watching mother and son interact.

Rick met his own mother's eyes from where she sat on other end of the couch. The blasted woman had the temerity to smirk at him. Oh, he knew what that look was all about. His mother knew exactly the types of things he and Kate had gotten into on his birthday, especially after they started dating. Rick could feel the blush creep up his neck as he remembered how Martha had walked in on them during one such celebration when they were seventeen.

That was not something he wanted to think about. No way. Just no.

-:::-

Kate was nervous as she watched Rick open the gift she had brought him. She had struggled with the idea of even showing up on his birthday, but she wanted to check on Alex, so in the end she'd popped around the gag gift store and purchased something that she knew would make Rick laugh.

They'd had such fun every year when his birthday rolled around. Her mom had always helped her come up with gag gifts for Rick (in addition to a nice gift) that he would enjoy. When she got older, she would plan extravagant pranks that would usually lead the two of them clutching each other in laughter. Kate blushed a bit when she remembered some of their shenanigans once they had started to date.

Rick bust out laughing at the gigantic pen that he held in his hands. Kate smiled at him when he looked up at her. She could tell that he was remembering some of the other gag gifts that she'd given him over the years.

"Thanks, Kate. This is cool."

"It works too, though I'm not sure how much writing you'll get with a pen that size."

Rick laughed again. "I'll definitely try it out. Thank you."

Kate smiled shyly, ducking her head behind her hair. She felt good. It felt good. She felt good. It was kind of like old times, and it was the first time they had felt normal around each other since she'd reentered his life back in November. It was nice, and it gave her hope that they could become friends again.

-:::-

April 7, 2010

"That was so cool!" Alex exclaimed happily.

Kate smiled down at him. "Which part did you like best?"

"The end. The Gorgon was really cool. Perseus was such a bad ass."

"I thought that was really..."

"Kate Beckett!"

Kate's head snapped up when she heard her name shouted out so angrily. She and Alex had just exited the movie theater after seeing _Clash of the Titans_. She knew it was a little mature for Alex, but it hadn't been anything that he hadn't seen before, so she had agreed to it when Alex had suggested it.

Kate groaned when she saw who had called her name. Madison Queller. Kate hadn't seen her high school friend since her mother died. Her relationship with Maddie had been just one of a number of relationships she had abandoned because of her mother's murder.

"Maddie?"

"Don't you Maddie, me, Katherine Beckett! Where have you been for ten years? Why didn't you return any of my calls after your mother's funeral?"

Kate looked down. She noticed Alex shifting on his feet beside her awkwardly.

"I...I'm sorry, Maddie. Everything got pushed aside after she died. Even...even the most important things."

Madison looked down at the young boy beside her friend. Her eyes widened. "Kate? Who's this?"

Kate straightened herself out. She was not ashamed to be Alex's mom. She wasn't. She was ashamed of how she had abandoned him, but she was here now. That was what mattered. "Madison, this is Alex, my son. Alex, this is an old friend of mine from high school."

Alex shyly held out his hand and said, "It's nice to meet you."

Maddie reached out and shook the young boy's hand. "Son?"

"Yeah," Kate replied, smiling down at him. "He's mine. We just saw a really great movie."

Kate considered herself lucky that Maddie kept to small talk for the next few minutes before they had to part ways. Before she left, however, she handed Kate a business card and said in a stern voice, "call me."

In some ways, Kate was looking forward to hooking up with her old friend, but she was also quite nervous. Maddie knew a lot of her secrets, but she hadn't known that Kate was pregnant with Rick's child, nor what had come after. Kate wasn't looking forward to that revelation coming to light with her friend.

-:::-

April 7, 2010 (Evening)

"So who's the kid?"

"I told you," Kate replied, switching the phone to her other ear. "He's my son."

"Kate, he had to be like, what, ten years old? Eleven? That means..." Maddie trailed off. "Oh, my God. Alex is Rick's child!? Does that mean you two are still together? That is so cute, that's great."

"Whoa, Maddie, hold on, and stop shrieking. You're over 30 years old, how can you still act like you're 13?"

"Are you saying that you and Rick aren't still together?"

"We're not. We haven't been together since right after my mom died."

"But..."

"I was pregnant with Alex at the time. When she died, I changed. There was no way I would have been a good mother, so I freaked out, left Rick and left him with Alex. I've only been a part of Alex's life again since November. I have a lot to make up for." Kate's voice was more forceful than she had intended, but she was not interested in justifying her failure as a mother for the first ten years of Alex's life to her high school friend.

"Oh, Kate. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push. How is your relationship with Rick now?"

"We're good. We're working towards being friends again. I don't know that it'll ever be like it was when we were kids again, but we're working on it. We're both different people now than when we were teenagers."

"So there's no romance in the future for you and Rick? You two were so close. I just knew that you were the two that were going to make it the whole way."

"No. I don't see us ever getting back together. I don't know if either of us even wants that. I will just settle for being his friend while we raise Alex together. I have to put all my effort into being there for Alex. I can't risk my relationship with Alex by starting up something with Rick, even if Rick were interested in me that way anymore. Which he's not. He's only recently been able to start tolerating my presence again."

"He was angry."

"I don't think he was angry, so much, as disappointed. It had been ten years, you know? Rick Rodgers can't hold a grudge, even when he should. I think he resented me for what I did, and I think that he's finally working past that. Which I'm grateful for."

"God, Kate, when did you life become so dramatic?"

Kate laughed softly, "I know right. So what about you, Ms. Queller? The card you gave me was for some fancy restaurant."

"Yeah. We're just starting up. It's called Q3. I've worked really hard to start my own place."

"It's yours? Wow. I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks. So you're a cop?"

"Yeah."

The two old friends were silent for a few moments before Maddie asked, "So anyone special in your life?"

The pain that Kate felt when she thought of Will was not as intense as it had been a few months before, which she thought was a good sign. Not that she was anywhere near ready to go find another man. She was quite enjoying being single again.

"No. Not anymore. Broke up with a long time boyfriend in November. Not really ready for anything new. What about you?"

The two women talked for another hour before saying their goodbyes and making promises to have lunch sometime in the future. Kate was really happy with the way the conversation had gone. After saying she was sorry and making some excuses that she knew weren't nearly enough, they'd gotten into talking about their lives and such. It had been good.

Kate considered that maybe she could have a life outside of her job and Alex. It was something that she hadn't really considered for the last decade. Sure she'd had Will, and a boyfriend before that, but now it felt like she hadn't really been with either of those guys. She had friends, but she had worked for a long time to keep them at arm's length so much that they couldn't really be considered friends.

Now that she was trying to be better, maybe it was time to start truly living again. It was time.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. There's another one. It's a little longer, as promised.** **Coming up, we have a surprising request from Rick, and a meeting between Kate and Roy Montgomery.** **Jim and Alex will meet for the first time in a few chapters. And we're not too far away from Kate's first Mother's Day. Oh, and soon, Kate and Rick have a confrontation. #Mysterious.**

 **Part Two is looking to be around another 10 chapters or so.** **It will end on a cliff hanger, just warning you.**

 **Reviews are awesome. Be awesome. Leave a review.**


	19. Chapter 19

**a.n. Calling this chapter 19 is kind of wrong. It is under a 1000 words. It is also completley unbetaed. Her Pegship hasn't seen this at all, so all mistakes are mine. The REAL chapter 19 will come out on Tuesday. This is more of an interlude. So take that into account as you read.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. I also can't bowl and I tend to be a poor loser.**

 **-:::-**

April 14, 2010

The most amazing thing was happening to Kate Beckett. She was sitting on a hard bench watching as Ricky Rodgers was making a fool of himself trying to put his bowling shoes on. She had to stifle a laugh when he finally realized that the young man, who resembled a California surfer dude, at the counter had given him shoes that were way too small.

"I don't understand how he could have gotten that wrong," Rick whined. "Numbers are easy. It isn't even as if he would have had to understand high numbers either. 11! It's two numbers together that mean one more than 10 one less than 12. How hard is that to figure out?"

Finally releasing the laugh that she'd been holding in, Kate gestured to the shoe rental counter. "Just go get some new ones, Rick. And don't give him too much guff, he's just a kid."

Rick scowled and padded his way to the counter in his bare feet. Kate watched him go, amusement shining in her eyes. Alex, who was sitting to her right with his shoes already on, was giggling softly. Kate looked down at her son and smiled broadly. He looked adorable with his little bowling shoes and bright colored bowling shirt. She knew that he had been looking forward to this outing for days, and she was excited to be able to spend time with him.

Spending time with Rick was another thing altogether. They had discussed doing more with all three of them together, and she knew that it was a good idea. And, to be fair, Rick had been great since she'd met him and Alex at the loft. He'd been almost normal, and that was great. The awkwardness she had felt since their reunion back in November was almost entirely gone. She knew that Rick still had issues with her, but he was doing a good job of trying to move on.

She'd been so nervous once they had made their plans to go bowling. It wasn't a date or anything like that, but it was important. She just didn't want to screw it up. She knew that if she and Rick couldn't get their act together and be at least friendly, Alex would be the one to suffer, and she would not be the one to disappoint her child. Not ever again.

"These are going to be much better," Rick said as he sat on the bench across from her with new shoes in his hands. He then continued to mumble, no doubt throwing continued abuse at the poor rental shoe attendant. Kate lost the battle and started laughing at him, which caused Alex to laugh harder as well.

"Oh, yeah, laugh it up. I'll get you both back when I destroy you on the lanes."

"No way, dad," Alex exclaimed. "You have terrible coordination, or at least that is what Grams says, so there's no way you're good at bowling."

"Alex, I don't know how to tell you this, bud, but your grandmother lies. She's just full of deception."

Alex laughed. "I'm so telling her that."

Kate watched as the two bantered back and forth, smiling softly at how good the two were together. She was so happy to know that her relationship with Alex was also improving. It made her giddy.

"Alright. Let's get this started," Rick said after putting his shoes on and then going to the lane's computer. "Alex, bud, let's start you off with bumpers. If you do well, then we can take them off."

"Dad! I'm not a little boy, I can bowl without bumpers. I did before."

"Well, yes you did, but it was only once. Don't you think that it would be good to try with the bumpers first before you go throwing bowling balls all over the place?"

Alex scowled. "No. I'll do better than you, just watch!"

Kate almost laughed until she saw how serious Rick was. Why was he insisting on bumpers? There had to be more of a reason than keeping Alex's ball in the proper lane. She watched as the two argued back and forth, with Alex's face growing downright surly. She'd never seen this side of her son before. Most of the time he was a very mature young man, so much so that he often acted closer to 18 than 10. In a way, it was nice to see Alex act his own age for once. On the other hand, it was a bit shocking.

Finally, Rick relented about the bumpers, and the three of them started bowling. Alex was not good at bowling. As that became more and more apparent, Rick's reasoning for insisting on Alex's use of bumpers also became more clear. Alex, it seemed, was a very poor loser. He shouted, he cried, he stomped his feet, and he pouted and threatened to quit more times than Kate could count.

Rick sighed after they'd played about 5 frames each. "Alex, will you let me show you how to do it? I promise that I won't steer you wrong."

Alex was silent for a moment, the stains of tears still evident on his cheeks. "O-okay."

Kate watched as Rick handed Alex his bowling ball and guided him to the lane they were using. She watched as he showed Alex the proper form and how to correctly throw the ball. Slowly the life came back to Alex as he started to understand what he had been doing wrong. Kate sighed happily. It might have been hard, but she was glad she'd gotten to see Alex in such a state. It made it all seem more real. Since November, things had been going so great that it seemed perfect. But she knew life wasn't perfect. Seeing Alex throw a tantrum helped remind her that the road might be bumpy, but the journey would be worth it in the end.


	20. Chapter 20

**a.n.** **For those who reveiwed the last two chapters, I'm sorry for the lack of a reply. It's going to** **have** **to be a group-thank this time. Thank you so much!**

**This is another big chapter for our couple, so let's jump right in.**

 **Many thanks to Her Pegship, who is my glorious beta. You should thank her by going to read her stuff. Goodness knows that she's probably getting tired of my inability to properly capitalize nouns and my frustrating habit of adding, nine, different, commas, in places, they don't, belong,.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

-:::-

April 18 2010

Kate had just gotten changed into comfortable clothes when there was a knock at the door of her apartment. She stood up with a groan and padded her way through the entryway then peeked through the peephole.

"Rick, is everything okay?" Kate asked after she opened the door.

"Yeah, I was just wondering if we could talk."

"Sure, come in." Kate moved aside so he could enter the apartment. "Where's Alex?"

"He's upstairs with my mother."

"Rick? Is something wrong?"

"No. Nothing terrible - I just have a request, and thought that we should work through it ourselves before Alex gets involved."

"Okay, let's sit down. Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine."

Kate led him into the small living room and sat down on the couch next to him. She swiveled so she could face him.

"So what's up?"

Rick smiled. "We had a pretty good time on Wednesday. Going bowling was a lot of fun; I hadn't done it in a long time."

"I had fun too. Alex was cute, and I could tell he had a lot of fun."

Rick laughed. "Yeah, he normally doesn't pout so outrageously when he doesn't get his way. I'm not sure where he got that from. But he did well without the bumpers once we showed him how it is supposed to be done."

"He got it from you, there's no doubt," Kate teased.

"That's so not true," Rick said in mock outrage. "I never pout!"

"Oh, right," Kate said, giggling. "Remember that time that time when you were staying at my house and you really, really wanted another piece of my mom's cake? Or that time when you begged your mom for permission to go to Blake's party, even though you knew that he didn't have permission to throw said party? Or that time when…"

"Okay, right, I get it. Fine."

They spent a moment grinning at each other like fools before they both broke up laughing. Kate was happy that they could laugh like this again. It had been like this with them for the last few weeks. Kate could tell that Rick was still somewhat uncomfortable around her, but he was getting there. She could tell that he was working on it; at times it felt like she had her best friend back again, and that made her so happy. She knew that they weren't back to where they had been, but they were getting there, and that was all she needed. She hadn't realized how much the absence of her best friend had affected her. It was nice that they were working towards being friends again.

Once they settled down, Rick said, "Thanks for that - I needed a laugh. It's been a long day."

"Is that why you're here? You said you had a request."

"Yeah. I got called on the carpet today at Black Pawn. It seems that I, and I quote, 'haven't been meeting my contractual obligations,' and that if I don't go on a book tour soon I'll 'risk having my contract terminated.'"

"Oh. I didn't even know you did tours."

"I don't. Not usually, at least. It's weird. Ever since I signed my first contract with Black Pawn, they've been really good about it. My identity isn't secret or anything, but I haven't had to have the publicity thrown at me like some of the other new authors had to put up with. They were fine once I explained why I wanted to write under a pseudonym, and why I didn't want to become a playboy author, which is something my agent suggested at one time.

"Now that Alex is older, however, Gina has become a bit more aggressive when trying to get my name out there."

"So what does that mean?"

"Well, it means that in June I'll be gone for six to eight weeks."

Kate was silent for a minute. "What about Alex? Is your mom going to watch him?"

"Ah, uh, that's actually what I was going to ask you. You guys have been getting along really well, and he loves you, Kate. He may not be willing to say it yet, but he does. I was wondering if you'd like him to stay here for some of that time?"

Kate looked at Rick with wide eyes. Have Alex stay with her for eight weeks? "I...How would that work, Rick?" Kate asked, not wanting to reject immediately. "I don't exactly work regular hours, at least not anymore. Now that I'm a detective, sometimes I work early in the morning or late at night. And while under normal circumstances maybe Martha and I could work it out, my job isn't normal. I don't usually know when I'll be at work other than a general idea. Everything depends on whether or not I have a case. I mean, I'd love to have him that whole time, but I don't know how I'd get it to work."

Rick nodded. "I know. There's a camp not too far from here that runs from June 19 to July 12. He wanted to go to a camp last year, but we had already made plans. I've talked to the camp director and have secured a spot for Alex despite it being past the registration date.

"I leave on June 16. Mother can watch him for three days, though she could probably use some help getting him packed and sent off. I'm going to put my foot down and tell Black Pawn that I'll only do six weeks, which means I'll be back around the 28th of July. That only leaves around two weeks. I was hoping that you might have some vacation days. Even if it's only a week, it'd help a lot."

Kate thought hard for a moment. She had never once taken a vacation day that hadn't been forced upon her by her superiors. Since she had become a detective, she had taken even less, as she knew her Captain fairly well and had been able to con him into letting her avoid the time off that most cops were forced to take (not that that many avoided it like her). But this was different. This was for Alex. She might not be able to take six weeks off to be with him full time, but she could do two weeks.

Kate smiled and looked at Rick. "I'll do it. I'll have to apply for those dates right away and I might have to pull on my boss's heartstrings a bit as this is prime vacation season, but I think I'll be able to do the full two weeks."

"That's great, Kate. That'll make Alex so happy. His grandmother refuses to play video games with him, so I know he would be bored to tears if he had to stick with Mother. This will really help. Once I have all the details set up, I'll let you know more. Should be in the next few days when I have the full itinerary. The dates are firm, though, so you can go ahead and talk with your boss."

"Montgomery is pretty great. I'm sure that he'll be happy I'm finally using some of my vacation days."

"Roy Montgomery?"

Kate looked at him oddly. "You know him?"

"Yeah, sure. He and I've met a couple times at functions that I've had to attend."

"What a small world," Kate said, shaking her head.

"Yeah. Hey, you want me to call him or the mayor? I could, then for sure you'd get the days off!"

"You'll do no such thing," Kate said, glaring at him. "The last thing I need is for it to get around that I know some hotshot author who has friends in high places."

Rick held up his hands in surrender. "It was just a suggestion, geez."

Kate walked with Rick back to the door to her apartment. They stood a bit awkwardly, both still trying to get used to their new dynamic. "Oh, Rick, what about Alex's cast? That'll be off before all this happens, right? He seemed to be doing alright with it when we went bowling."

"Yeah. He gets that off during the first week of Mayif all goes well. The doctors said that the set of the bones was good, so they didn't have to re-break it or anything, which was something I was really worried about. So there shouldn't be any problems with what happens in June."

"That's good."

"You want to go upstairs and see Alex? Or I could bring him back down."

"Bring him by on your way out, I'll say hello."

"I will. Thanks a lot for what you're doing, Kate. I really appreciate it."

"You don't have to thank me, Rick. I'm his mom."

Rick beamed at her then gave a brief wave goodbye before he walked out of the apartment. Kate smiled. Things were going well.

-:::-

April 19 2010

"Two weeks vacation time?"

"Yes, sir. I'd really appreciate it. I know it's not as much notice as you usually prefer for this amount of time off, but something came up and..." Kate trailed off. She wasn't quite sure she wanted to tell her boss, who was like a father figure to her now, that she had a son that she had only recently reconnected with.

"Of course, I'll approve it, Kate, but I'd like to know why. Is your father okay?"

Kate nodded. "Yes, sir. He's fine. I just had dinner with him and his wife last week."

Roy Montgomery stared at his best detective and waited. His detectives, especially Kate Beckett, were a lot like his children. They might not want to tell him things, but they would. Eventually. All it took was a stern stare, and they almost always folded like a deck of cards.

Kate rolled her eyes. Damn him. "Fine. If you must know, I'm going to be watching my son for those two weeks while his father is traveling across the country."

Roy laughed. Hard. "That's a good one, Detective. But you'll have to do better than that." He stopped laughing when he realized that his detective was looking very put out. "Kate? You don't have a son, do you?"

"I do, actually. He's 10, almost 11, and he's awesome."

"But...but..." There weren't very many times when Roy Montgomery became speechless, but this was one of them. It took him several moments before he could gather his thoughts. "How did this happen? I mean you've never mentioned a child before!"

Kate blushed. "I wasn't a part of his life until this last November. But I'm trying to be now, which is why I need the time off."

"I...I'm just really surprised. I'll get the time sheet filled out and put into the system today."

"Thanks, Roy, I appreciate it. I'd, uh, also appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about Alex. I'm not really ready to share my personal life with the rest of the precinct. I made a mistake leaving my child behind when I was 19, and I don't really need to be judged for that by anyone else. Goodness knows I've been judging my own actions enough for everyone."

-:::-

May 9 2010

"Happy Mother's Day, Mom!"

-:::-

 **a.n.2. The End. No, just kidding. Mother's day next chapter.** **Just a note, remember that Alex broke his left arm in chapter 16. Going bowling was okay since he is right handed.**

 **The reviews for this story continue to leave me very motivated. Continue to send your feedback!**


	21. Chapter 21

**a.n. This chapter gave me nothing but trouble and took more than two weeks to write. I didn't really know what to do in this chapter. Skipping to Alex's time with Kate while Rick is away didn't seem quite right yet. At one point I wrote a scene that had Kate, Espo and Ryan in a shootout that ended with Kate and Ryan seriously injured and Espo dead. Yeah. Needless to say I didn't know what I wanted to do. This is the final outcome. Whether it's good or not, let me know in reviews, cuz I have no clue.**

 **Big thanks to Her Pegship who is my awesome beta. Check out her Castle fics, though good luck choosing one to read, they're all so good. Ah, just read 'em all.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, like at all.**

 **-:::-**

May 9 2010 (Continued)

Happy Mother's Day? Kate stared at the little boy at her apartment door in shock. It was Mother's Day? She hadn't even considered the fact that Mother's Day now applied to her. For many years, it had just been another day that she had to live through.

"Thanks, Alex," she finally said, moving aside so he and Rick could enter her apartment. As it was Sunday, she had just been home doing chores, so she was dressed like she usually was at home, a overlarge sweatshirt and yoga pants. She thought she saw Rick's eyes drift down to her legs, but she was sure she imagined it.

"Hello, Kate. I know it's your day off, so we won't stay long, but our boy here was pretty excited this morning," Rick said with a smile.

"It's fine. I'm happy to see you guys."

"Mom!" Alex shouted, pulling on her hand. "Come on, I got you a really cool present!"

Kate heard Rick laugh as Alex pulled her into her living room. It was dawning on her that for the first time ever, she was going to be celebrating Mother's Day as a mother. It was surreal and exciting. There was a bit of sorrow there as well, as she thought about her own mother, but she quickly pushed that aside.

Kate took a seat on her couch beside her son and oomphed under the weight of the package he dropped on her lap. It was a small package, but it was definitely heavier than it looked. If she had to guess, she would guess that it was a really large book. There was also another small package on top of the suspected book. She grasped the smaller package first then unwrapped it slowly.

It was a comic book. A Batman comic book.

Alex laughed. "I thought you might like to read about a real superhero."

Kate scowled playfully then reached over and pulled her son into her side. "Thanks for that, Alex. Superman is still better, though."

Alex just groaned. "The other one is your real present. Dad helped me picked it out."

Kate looked over at Rick who had taken a seat at the other edge of the couch. He smiled at her, which she refused to admit did funny things to her stomach. She looked down at the other package that still sat in her lap and then slowly started to open it.

 _War and Peace_ had been her favorite novel in high school. She'd always wanted to have a first edition or something special like that, but had never actually gotten around to buying anything other than a mass produced paperback version. The present she had just unwrapped was something special. It wasn't a first edition (she would have been horrified about how much that would have cost). Instead, what she had was an illustrated version of the novel she loved so much.

"Dad said you really liked that book. So I found that on Amazon."

"I love it, Alex. Thank you so much." She hugged him tightly, pulling him even closer to her.

"I also have a card for you." He handed her an envelope.

Kate smiled and tried to keep herself from crying. She opened the card and found that it was a handmade card wishing her a Happy Mother's Day. The drawing was spectacular, and she knew that she would hold it dear to her for the rest of her life. It made her sad that this was the first time she had been able to celebrate Mother's Day, but quickly pushed aside the guilt that she knew would continue to haunt her.

"It's awesome, son, thank you." She hugged him again and sniffed. Dammit. She was crying.

-:::-

May 26 2010

Kate knocked on her father's door with one hand while holding a pastry box in the other. She smiled as she thought of how her father's face would look when she showed up with his favorite doughnuts in hand. As a rule, he wasn't much of a sweet eater. She could remember how her mom had made fun of him, however, over his infatuation with sugary doughnuts with rainbow sprinkles. For whatever reason, Jim Beckett couldn't ever get enough of them.

"Katie! You made it. Beth got called into the office, so it's just us this morning."

 _Oh, so sad,_ Kate thought insincerely but didn't say. She watched delightedly as her dad opened the pastry box and lit up with joy when he saw the sprinkled confections. The happiness on his face made him look years younger, which was something Kate was happy she got to see.

The breakfast that followed was nice. She was exceedingly happy that their relationship was better. They weren't back to where they had been before her mom died, and Kate was smart enough to realize that it was unlikely that she would ever be as close to her dad as she had been. But it was enough.

"Dad," Kate said after they had cleared the table. "Do you have any plans for next Wednesday?"

Jim cocked his head to the side. "No, not really," he replied. "Why?"

"IwantyoutomeetAlex."

"A little slower, Katie, I didn't quite catch that."

"I want you to meet Alex. That is...if you want to," Kate said more slowly. She couldn't really understand why she was so nervous, but she was. Alex had asked about his grandfather the previous week, and she knew that it was time to introduce them. But she worried that maybe it was too soon. That and she was worried that she was becoming too possessive of Alex's time. She didn't want to share him, even with her dad. Kate knew it was petty and irrational, but she couldn't help it.

Jim smiled. "I'd love to. Uh...should it just be me, or should Elizabeth come?"

"I...I don't know, really. Maybe it'd be best if this first time was just you, but it's up to you." Kate hadn't even considered her dad's new wife when deciding it was time to introduce her dad to his grandson.

"Okay. What time and where?"

"I actually thought that you could come to my apartment. I'll cook dinner and we can all eat together."

"That sounds really nice. Will Rick be there?" Kate could hear the teasing tone in his voice, which made her scowl.

"No, Dad, Rick won't be there."

"Why not?"

"Dad," Kate said firmly, trying not to whine.

"I just think it'd be good for the two of you to spend more time together, that's all."

Kate scoffed. "Your intentions are totally innocent, I'm sure. Besides, I have spent more time with him in the last month. We went bowling, we had dinner a few times, and we played laser tag. We're friends, or at least working towards being friends again."

And they were. Her relationship with Rick was much better in the last month than it had been prior to Rick's birthday. She wouldn't go so far as to call everything mended - she wasn't a fool, after all - but it was good enough. However, the way her dad was staring at her made her uncomfortable. It was no secret that Jim Beckett had always liked little Ricky Rodgers. Even when she had started dating Rick, back then, Jim had been nothing but supportive. He hadn't even gone through the whole threatening father routine. After her breakup with Rick, her dad wasn't so keen on any of the men she had mentioned (she'd never introduced her dad to any of them, not that there were that many).

She suspected that now that she and Rick were back to being friends, her dad would want her to be with Rick once again. That thought only made her blush. At age 20, Ricky Rodgers had still been a gangly kid with poor eating habits. In the ten years since then, he'd filled out. Really well. In the month since they had been back to being friends, she could admit (only to herself, of course) that she'd checked him out a quite a few times.

J

im smiled. "Your blush says something more than friends."

"It's not going to happen, Dad. It's just not. There's too much hurt there for us to ever be a couple again."

"But you want to." It was a statement.

Kate blushed. "We've gotten closer since the beginning of April. We're friends again. I...I admit that it's hard for me not to remember the feelings I once had for him." Kate shrugged. "If I hadn't hurt him and Alex so badly, maybe...but it doesn't matter, because I did. I did hurt them, and even though they're okay with me now, that doesn't mean it's all forgotten or forgiven."

"Maybe. But you never know what will happen."

-:::-

May 27 2010

Rick scowled at his publisher. "I've already agreed to the tour, Gina. I'll go for six weeks. I've got everything scheduled so that Alex isn't left alone, and I've already made some plans to do some research while I'm away. What you're asking now is just too much."

"Rick, you want to sell more books. We want you to sell more books. The whole playboy thing will help. You've got the looks for it, and with Paula's help you'll be on Page 6 every single week. She's a great agent, but you're not using all of her capabilities."

"I'm not going to go out and start flaunting myself just to sell more books, Gina. Absolutely not."

Gina sighed. "Rick. Authors are a resource that Black Pawn treasures. Right now, you're not doing all you can to bring back the investment we've placed into you. Your pseudonym is famous and your books sell really well. Six straight best sellers is nothing to sniff at. But it could be so much more."

"I don't care, Gina. I've never done this for the fame, you know that. I will start to do more tours now that Alex is older, but other than that, nothing changes. If you can't deal with that, then when I finish my contract, I'll see if another publisher will take on Derrick Storm for another few books."

With that, Rick stood up and left his publisher's office. He smiled at Gina's receptionist and made his way out of the building that housed Black Pawn. Ever since he had agreed to start touring, Gina and Paula had been pushing him to create a new image for himself - namely that of a philandering playboy. That didn't appeal to him at all. He had a young son who he needed to set an example for. He would not be going out on the town every night with a new blonde bimbo on his arm. He might have decided he wanted to start dating again, but he wasn't going to be doing so at the expense of his son's respect for him.

That was just never going to happen, even if it prevented him from selling more books.

-:::-

 **And there it is. Yes, we're seeing some turning points for our characters, especially Kate. But it won't be fast. For those of you worried, I'm a Caskett shipper through and through. But it won't be easy.**

 **Up next we see Jim and Alex meeting for the first time. We also get some more history from Kate's pregnancy. After that we will see how Kate's first attempt at solo parenting goes when she gets to spend two weeks all alone with her son.**

 **Leave a review if you're still enjoying the story!**


	22. Chapter 22

**a.n. A big step back in this chapter, but it needed to be done.**

 **Big thanks to Her Pegship for being an awesome beta. You should definitely go check her stuff out.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

June 2 2010

Rick looked up when the loft's door opened and Alex came walking through. He was a bit nervous about how Alex's visit had gone. He'd always liked Jim Beckett, but was kind of wary of the man now. After all Jim hadn't taken the time to be a part of his grandson's life any more than Kate had. Moreover, Jim hadn't made any overtures since Kate had come back into Alex's life back in November.

"Hey bud, how did it go?" Rick asked, rising from the couch where he'd been working on the next Derrick Storm novel. Rick saw Kate standing awkwardly at the loft's door, which was odd. Since they'd had their talk, she'd been more comfortable with coming into the loft when she dropped Alex off.

"Hi, Dad. I'm going to go up to my room and drop my bag off." With that Alex bypassed his father and made his way up the stairs.

Rick frowned then looked at Kate who was still hovering at the entrance to the loft. "Kate, you can come in if you want. It looks like we should talk."

Rick watched as Kate walked through the entrance and then closed the door behind her. When he got a closer look at her, he could tell that she was upset and that she'd been crying recently.

"Kate? What's wrong? Did something happen?"

Kate nodded. "R-Rick? I..."

Rick watched in astonishment as Kate Beckett broke down completely in his living room. What had happened during Alex's meeting with Jim Beckett that had caused this? Everything had been going so well.

Rick sighed and stepped closer to Kate. He put his arm around her shoulders, offering her as much comfort as he was comfortable with. He felt her stiffen under his touch, but tried to ignore it. They didn't do this anymore. In fact, he was pretty sure this was the first time he'd touched her since right after her mother died.

"Kate? What happened?"

"Things were going well. They met and Alex seemed happy to see his grandfather for the first time. I was happy that they were getting along so well. I didn't even complain too much when dad started telling stories about some of our experiences as kids.

"I...I should have known that this was going to happen some time. Alex has been very accepting of my return to his life, and hasn't ever really expressed his feelings about how much I hurt him by not being there for him. No one can hold that stuff in, not even a 10 year old boy.

"He..." Kate took a deep breath, then continued, "He asked my dad why he never came to see him."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It didn't go well. I don't think that my dad thought that he _had_ abandoned Alex, though I guess he did just as much as I did."

Rick took a small step back. "So what happened then?" he asked.

"Well, it just went down hill from there. Dad didn't handle it so well, and then Alex started crying saying that he really, really wished that he'd had a mom and a grandfather there for him as he grew up and that he didn't understand why we left him alone and why we didn't love him and it just went on and on. I...I didn't know what to say, Rick. He thinks...he thinks that I left him because I didn't love him."

Kate broke down sobbing, but Rick didn't think that he was really in a position to comfort her. There were many times that Rick had thought the same thing over the last ten and half years. '

"It's not true," Kate whispered as she flopped down on the couch and buried her head in her hands. "It's just not true. I did love him then, and I do love him now. I...I know it's just an excuse and it's a poor one at that, but I...I just didn't think that I could be a good mom. I thought...I thought that I was doing what was best for him because I did love him. I love him so much."

Rick was silent for several moments before he said, "I know you love him, Kate. He knows it too. I'm sure of that. But he's also 10 years old, and while he acts like he's 30 sometimes, he's still just a kid. He has been trying so hard to just integrate you into his life and pretend like you've always been there, and for the most part he's been successful, but it's not always going to be easy. He's going to need to be constantly reminded that while you made a mistake, you're here now and you're not going anywhere.

"How did you leave it with your dad?"

"Well, after Alex had his cry, and I had mine, Dad apologized and said that he made a mistake and that he'd like to try to fix it. I'm not sure Alex handled that all that well. Maybe it's just one too many people having failed him, you know? That's when Alex asked to be brought back home." Kate sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "Oh, Rick, what am I going to do? It seems like all the progress that I've made since November has been washed away."

"I don't think it has. Kids are insecure, and Alex even more so because you weren't around for the last ten years. Just a few months of you being there doesn't wipe out the ten years that you weren't there, you know what I mean? It's going to take some time for him to realize that you're here for good. I think the time he's going to spend with you in July will be good for both of you. You'll get to be his mom instead of a friend. If those two weeks work out, maybe you can take him for a weekend here or there, and it can be just the two of you."

Kate nodded. "That sounds nice. What should I do now?"

"Well, if I know our son, he's up there drawing. Any time he's emotional he likes to draw. I'd leave him to that. Maybe come over tomorrow and you can talk to him, maybe stay for dinner?"

Kate nodded. "That sounds okay. I...This is not how I expected today to go."

"I'm sure it wasn't. It'll be okay though. All you can do now is keep showing up."

-:::-

June 3 2010

The next night, the three of them sat through a very awkward dinner. Alex hadn't greeted Kate or said a word to her since she'd entered the loft. Rick had tried several times to start a conversation, but had given up when the other two failed to take part. Kate just kept stealing glances at Alex and then looking away in shame.

Rick didn't know what to do to get them back to where they had been. He had talked to Alex the previous night but hadn't gotten much out of his son. Rick was used to that. Whenever Alex had a problem, he didn't talk about it until he was ready. That was one trait that he had inherited from Kate Beckett. This morning hadn't been much better. With school out, Alex had slept in and then had gone right to his drawing table when he woke up.

Rick watched as Kate continued to covertly stare at their son. He was beginning to regret scheduling this dinner. He knew Alex wasn't ready to talk yet. Rick also knew that as stubborn as Alex could be, Kate Beckett could be just as if not more stubborn. One thing he knew for sure, it was going to be a very interesting night.

-:::-

"Rick, can I have some time alone with Alex?" Kate asked as she helped Rick clear the dishes. She was not at all encouraged by the dinner they'd just endured. The previous day had ended up being one of the worst days of her life. She had so hoped that she created a solid relationship with her son, but it turned out that all the happiness was nothing more than a facade. The foundation that she had thought was there was really nothing more than a dream.

"Sure. Once we get this done, I'll be in my office. Kate?"

Kate looked up at him, "Yeah?"

"Don't be surprised if he doesn't want to talk. He's a lot like you in that regard. He will talk when he's ready."

With that Rick went back to loading the dishwasher. Kate would have questioned him more about what he had said, but she could tell that she wouldn't learn any more, so she just finished putting away the condiments, then walked into the living room where Alex was watching TV with an adorable (yet frustrating) pout on his face.

"Alex."

Nothing.

Kate knelt down in front of her son, blocking the TV. She grasped his hands, but he didn't react other than to tilt his whole body to the side so he could continue to watch the television. If the situation hadn't been so serious and heartbreaking, Kate would have giggled at his antics. She could remember doing the same thing to her own mother when she had just not wanted to talk about her feelings.

"Alex, look at me please."

"Go away," he said softly as he continued to tilt his whole body to see the TV.

"I'm not going to go away. Please? Can we talk?"

She watched as he sighed then leaned back into the couch cushions. Then he looked at her for the first time. Kate almost stumbled back at the amount of hurt in his eyes. The eyes that were so much like hers. This was her son, and that hurt was put there by _her._ She had done this to him, and was her job to fix it.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"You asked me a question yesterday. You asked me why I didn't love you when you were born."

Alex nodded. "You didn't, right? That was why you didn't want to be my mom then?"

"Oh, sweetheart, me leaving had absolutely nothing to do with you, do you understand me? I know we talked about this back in November, but I left because of me. I was just a selfish little girl who was hurting because my mom died. I didn't think that I could be a good mom, no, I knew I couldn't. I was wrong. I could have learned. I should have been there. But I was selfish. I thought that you'd be better off with out me. I. Was. Wrong. If I could change what I did, I'd do it so fast. But I can't. I know I've said it before, but I'm so sorry. I'll work every single day for the rest of my life to prove to you that I want to be your mom more than anything else.

"I love you, Alex. I love you right now. I loved you then. I'll love you _always_."

Alex stared at her wide eyed for several moments before he flung himself at her and hugged her, his thin arms wrapping around her shoulders as he buried his face in her neck.

"Mom," he whimpered.

"I've got you, baby. I've got you."

Mother and son held each other for several moments, before Alex pulled back. "I love you too, Mom." He then pushed himself back into her embrace.

Kate said nothing as tears rolled down her cheeks. He loved her. There was nothing more that she could ask for. Kate knew that it was unlikely that this would be the last time her son would doubt her, but like Rick said, she just had to keep showing up.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. And there's that. There are only a couple more chapters in Part 2 of this story. Next two chapters we see Alex's visit with Kate (where we'll hear about his time at camp), we'll see a real visit with Grandpa Jim that goes better than the first, and we'll get to see one more nice little Caskett moment before we hit another bump in the road.**

 **The last chapter was the second most reviewed chapter of this story so far. Let's see if we can beat that! I Love ALL the reviews.**


	23. Chapter 23

**a.n. This chapter was meant to cover Alex's entire two week stay at Kate's. That didn't happen. We only got through three days. See note at the bottom for more on where we're going!**

 **Her Pegship is still slugging along and correcting my (many)** **Mistakes** **. She's awesome, so you should go check out her stuff (I just realized not long ago that she's just Pegship here on Ffnet).**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. Obviously.**

-:::-

June 18 2010

Kate watched in amusement as Alex threw his clothes all over his room as he continued his packing. She had honestly not known how to get a kid ready for a month-long trip to summer camp, but she was quickly learning that the process involved a lot of chaos. Martha had demonstrated an inordinate amount of relief when Kate had shown up, and she didn't know why. Now she knew.

"Alex, sweetheart, don't you think you should start finding some things you'll actually need to take? I don't think you need seven sets of colored pencils."

"But mom, what if I want to draw something?"

"Well, take your best set and your notebook and you should be set."

Alex scowled. "Fine. But I'm bringing my charcoal set and my best colors set."

"Okay. Then the rest of your luggage has to be clothes, a few books for rainy days, and your Nintendo DS. The camp says you'll need enough clothes for two weeks, and that all of your clothes have to have labels in them so they can be laundered."

"Dad has the labels ready. All we need is to add them to the clothes I want to take."

"Which is why you need to decide what to take and stop making a mess."

Alex scowled again then went back into his closet. It wasn't his fault that he had so many choices when it came to clothes. It was almost as if his dad had wanted a girl instead of a boy. Alex almost gagged when he imagined a young girl named Alexis in his place. She would probably be all snooty and full of herself too. Girls were gross.

Despite her growing frustration, Kate had to smile at her son's antics. He was not a planner. In that, he was just like his father. Rick had never been much of a planner unless it had to do with writing. She could tell that Alex took his drawing really seriously, but everything else was done by the seat of his pants.

So, she waded in. She grabbed some of the shorts he'd thrown out of his closet and folded them into a neat pile near the suitcase that already lay open on Alex's bed. She then set several sweaters off to the side, knowing that he'd only need one of those for the cool nights, not the five he'd thrown out of his closet towards the suitcase.

"Alex, don't forget to bring out a few pairs of underwear!" Kate shouted over her shoulder.

"MOM! Don't talk about my underwear. I'll get those when you leave the room!"

Kate giggled quietly. "No you won't, mister. You'll do it now so I can help you pack and make sure you have all you need. You wouldn't want to go commando while you're at camp, would you? What if you meet a girl you like?"

"MOM! I'm ten years old!"

Kate just laughed.

-:::-

July 12 2010

Getting the two weeks off for Alex's stay had been fairly easy. Montgomery had had no problems with her taking the time off, and he'd cleared the way through HR. He'd also arranged for Espo and Ryan to have a few days off while she was away, which was nice.

The camp arranged for a bus to transfer the kids from the terminal near the camp to a bus station in the city, and it was her job to pick up her son. She was very nervous. She'd spent one of her days off while he was away making up her spare bedroom into a room that would fit his personality. She'd bought new bed coverings, a drafting desk so he could draw (along with a lot of art supplies so that he didn't need to bring a lot of his stuff from his home to hers), a book case (which she filled with several books she knew he liked and a few that she thought he might), and a closet full of nice clothes so that he had something to wear whenever he stayed at her house.

Kate and Rick had discussed allowing Alex to stay at her apartment one weekend a month if his stay for the following two weeks went well. She really hoped it went well. She wanted Alex to start to consider her apartment his second home, which is why she had gone to so much trouble to make his room special. She was also planning on taking him shopping so that he could buy posters or wall art to hang on the walls, and she was prepared to allow him to repaint the room if he didn't care for the baby blue color that was already there.

Kate watched anxiously as the bus pulled into the depot. She had talked to her son a few times on the phone (the kids hadn't been allowed to take phones with them, but had been given a few minutes every few days to use the phone at the camp instead), and it had sounded like he'd had a great time. She was glad, but she missed him terribly. She'd gotten so used to seeing him several times a week over the last few months that going two weeks without seeing him at all was almost like torture. How she had gone 10 years without him in her life she would never understand.

"Mom!" Alex shouted as he dashed off the bus.

"Hey, sweetheart, how were the last few days of camp?" Kate asked, pulling him into a tight hug. Being a boy and almost a teenager, he blushed and pulled away quickly.

"Excellent. Did you know that If I go back every year, when I turn 18 I can be a counselor?"

"No, I didn't know that. Is that something you think you'll want to do?"

"Yeah! The counselors that we had were way cool. Plus, Brian and Sally have both come for the last two years and also want to be counselors when they're old enough."

She'd heard about Brian and Sally constantly during their phone calls. Both kids were from upstate New York and were the same age as Alex. The brother and sister had immediately hit it off with Alex and the three had apparently quickly become inseparable. From what she'd learned about her son, she was quite happy that he'd made a couple of new friends. He hadn't really made many in his own school since his best friend Paige had left for Philadelphia. Kate thought that he wasn't interested in getting closer to anyone as he worried that they'd just move away. She prayed that her abandonment of him hadn't fed that ingrained fear that he seemed to have.

"That's nice. You got their address and phone number so you can call and write, right?"

"Yes, mom, don't worry so much."

Kate wasn't sure that was possible. Ever since she and Martha had seen him off on his journey to the camp in mid-June, she'd been constantly worried. It was a new feeling for her, and while on one hand she hated it, on the other she relished the idea that she was finally feeling the things a mother should feel.

"So, what are we going to do for the next two weeks?" Alex asked after they'd made their way to the car. She didn't think that allowing her child to ride in her cruiser was such a great idea, so she'd borrowed her dad's car for the day. For the rest of Alex's stay they'd take a hired car that Rick had supplied (despite Kate's protests).

"Well, first we need to finish setting up your room. I've done the big things, but you get to decorate the rest."

"Wait. I have a room?" Alex asked, wide eyed.

"Of course you do. I want you to think of my place as a second home. I know you live with your dad, and that that isn't going to change, but I want you to have a place when you stay with me."

"Thanks, mom. That's great."

"You're welcome, sweetie."

The ride to her apartment was spent with Alex telling her more stories from his time at camp. Kate was so happy that he'd had a great time. She could remember the few times she'd gone to camp. She'd always been miserable, mostly because Rick had never been able to go with her and she'd been far away from her bestest friend. She could admit that she was missing Rick quite a bit right now.

-:::-

Kate watched with trepidation as her son entered the room she'd created for him. She was extremely nervous. What if he didn't like it? What if he wanted to stay at his own home and didn't want to stay with her?

"Wow, mom! This is great! You even got me a draft table. What-" Alex's eyes widened when he saw the crate of art supplies that sat next to the desk. "You, you got me supplies too?"

"Of course! This way, if you want to draw while you're here, you don't have to haul your supplies back and forth."

Alex turned and hugged her tightly, which caused Kate's eyes to tear up. "Thank you, mom," Alex said softly as he pulled away, his face bright red.

-:::-

July 15 2010

Kate marveled at how well the last three days had gone. She and Alex had not had a single moment where they were bored. She let him get on with his drawing and reading when he wanted to be alone; they'd gone shopping so he could pick out some posters for his bedroom walls; they'd had a paintball battle, which was something Alex had never done before; and they'd had a movie marathon.

For the most part, their interactions since she'd reentered his life in November had been very short, just a few hours here and there. With him staying with her for days on end, she was learning more and more about him and the things he did every day.

She had known he was a bit of a bookworm, but she hadn't really known how much of one until he spent the entire day reading, sitting on the bench near one of the windows of her apartment . He'd barely known she was even in the same room; she'd had to almost yell to let him know about lunch and dinner.

She had known that he was a talented artist, but she hadn't really considered the amount of time and effort he put into each of his drawings. She was amazed at his skill. She learned that his interest in comic books had led him to creating one of his own, which was his current project. She didn't get to see much (he was very secretive), but from what she'd gotten a glimpse of, her son was on his way to becoming a true master of graphic novel art.

She also learned some less positive things. Alex did not enjoy picking up his own clothing, and had the bad habit of throwing dirty clothes towards the hamper instead of into the hamper.

Alex was also not a morning person. She learned that quickly as well, since he had gotten very ornery when she'd gotten him up his first full day staying with her. So much so that she'd become a bit annoyed herself, yanked the covers off him, and forced him into the bathroom. She knew her dad would have a field day if he knew about that experience, because she had been exactly the same way when she was around Alex's age.

That was the thing that she had been the most astonished to learn: the two of them were very similar. Oh, she could see a lot of Rick's influence, but some of the mannerisms that Alex displayed were pure Beckett. Things like biting his lip and rolling his eyes were things that she'd always done (and had almost always gotten into trouble for when she was little). It shocked her to find that despite her abandonment of her son, something she knew she would regret for the rest of her life, there were still things in Alex that made him as much like her as he was like his father. It made her feel amazing, and made her renew her vow to never leave him behind again.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. Next chapter we get a real meeting between Alex and Jim, some more fluff between Kate and Alex, and Kate's first attempt at discipline. If I can fit all that in, then the chapter after that will see a time jump and will be the end of Part 2 of this story. Part 3 is where the real fun happens. :)**

 **Reviews are good for the soul, yours and mine. Kind of like brownies.**


	24. Chapter 24

**a.n. This chapter is longer than any chapter so far in this story by almost 1,000 words. It also took way longer to write than I thought, but sometimes that happens.**

 **Special, and humongous thanks to Her Pegship who continues to beta this story. Without her, the commas would kill every reader simply because there are so many of them. Thanks Peg! Everyone should go read her stuff!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

July 17 2010

"You ready for this, sweetheart?" Kate asked as she stopped in front of her dad's door. She'd been a little surprised that Alex had requested another meeting with his grandfather. In fact, she'd thought that she would be forced to come up with some event to get the two of them together. But Alex had come to her and had asked if he could see his grandpa again, so she had arranged for them to have dinner at her dad's apartment.

"Yeah, Mom. I need to say I'm sorry for how I reacted the last time."

"Oh, sweetie, you don't have to apologize to your grandpa. He understands, and he doesn't think you did anything wrong."

Alex nodded, but looked determined nonetheless. Kate sighed. Her boy was so stubborn sometimes.

Kate knocked on the door, Alex's hand clutched tightly with her own. She had known he was nervous when he had took her hand after they'd gotten out of the car. She was surprised when it wasn't her father who answered the door, but Elizabeth.

Kate almost groaned. She had, once again, totally forgotten about her dad's new wife. She really needed to remember that her dad didn't live alone any more. She'd seen the woman countless times now since November, but it was like she had a mental block where Elizabeth was concerned.

"Elizabeth, hello."

"Hi, Katie!" Elizabeth exclaimed excitedly. Kate winced. She had not given the woman permission to call her Katie, but she'd be a grown up about it and ignore it as best she could. Elizabeth looked down at Alex and said, "And you must be Alex! Your mom has told us a lot about you!"

Alex looked up at Kate, an adorably confused expression on his face. Kate could just tell that he was going to be creating an awkward situation with his next words. She hadn't even told Alex to expect a woman at her dad's apartment, so he had no idea who Elizabeth even was.

"Uh...hello," Alex said uncertainly. "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure who you are?"

Elizabeth looked sharply at Kate, then sighed and looked back down at Alex. "I'm Elizabeth, your grandfather's wife. Now why don't the two of you come in. Supper is almost ready."

Kate and Alex followed her into the apartment. Kate could tell that Alex had a lot of questions. She was seriously regretting not telling her son about Elizabeth. The woman was her son's step-grandmother, after all. Not that Kate had thought much about _that,_ at all. The whole situation was extremely awkward.

Elizabeth showed them into the dining area and asked them to sit while she went into the kitchen to finish preparing their meal. Before Alex or Kate could say anything to each other, Jim entered the room.

"Katie! Alex," Jim greeted them. "It's nice to see you both again." He pulled his daughter into a hug and patted his grandson on the back.

"Hi, Dad. How are you?"

"I'm good, Katie." Kate could tell that her dad was trying supremely hard to act like everything was normal despite how badly the last meeting between him and Alex had gone.

The trio fell into an uncomfortable silence that was only broken when Elizabeth came into the room carrying the first platters of their meal.

"Supper's ready."

"Let me help you carry everything in," Jim said before standing and going into the kitchen.

When both of the older adults were out of the room, Alex leaned closer to his mom and asked, "Is she your mom?"

"No. She's...I guess she's my step-mother. So, I guess that makes her your step-grandmother?"

Alex sat back in his chair, clearly deep in thought. If the situation weren't so awkward, Kate would have had to hide a smile at how cute he looked.

Jim and Elizabeth brought in more food and set the platters on the table. After they took their seats, Elizabeth said, "Dig in. It's good stuff."

"So, Alex, how was your trip to camp?" Jim asked.

Alex looked at his grandfather. "It was great. I made a couple new friends. I've already written to them. I hope I can see them once more before school starts in the fall. We did a lot of outdoors stuff. I learned how to fish. And I got a lot of ideas that might help my drawing. Dad says that realism is important in art, though Grams says Dad's just being overly dramatic."

Jim laughed. " _Martha_ was saying your Dad is over dramatic?"

"Yeah. I thought that was funny too. Grams is much more dramatic than anyone else I know."

"I know, I quite remember. Martha's always been a character."

Silence reigned for a few moments before Alex set his fork down and squared his shoulders. "I wanted to say I'm sorry."

Jim looked startled. "What would you have to say sorry for, Alex?"

"I...I looked forward to meeting you. You know, before. And you were really nice, and I ruined the whole meeting. I'm sorry."

Jim stood and stepped around the table, then knelt beside Alex's chair. "Alex, son, you've got nothing to apologize for, you hear me? I'm the one that should be apologizing. You listen to me. It isn't your fault that a couple of adults in your life messed up. Okay? Your mom made a mistake. I made a mistake. I'm not sure either of us will be able to tell you how sorry we are. I know your mom is doing everything she can to prove to you that she's going to be there for you from now on. I'd like to do the same. We can't change the past. We just can't. But I can say that I'll do everything to make the future better. I promise.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Jim reiterated, putting his hand on Alex's shoulder. Kate could see tears in her dad's eyes, something that shocked her, because it wasn't often she saw her dad so emotional.

The dinner got better from there on. Jim and Alex spent time talking, both telling stories of the past; Alex shared stories of his childhood, while Jim told stories about Rick and Kate as children and teenagers. With the two of them occupied, that left Kate with Elizabeth.

Cue the awkwardness. Despite sitting right next to each other, the two women couldn't be farther apart. Kate didn't know what to say to her dad's wife. Despite having several meals together since they'd met, Kate had never been alone with her step-mom. It was just something she was not comfortable with, and she figured that she never would be.

"So, Kate, how is your work going?" Elizabeth asked softly. "Jim says you lead your own team now."

"Yeah, we're one of the only three-man teams in the NYPD. Mostly detectives work in pairs, but since we were all so young, they put us together. I had the most experience, so I got the lead, despite being around the same age as my partners."

"You like being a cop?"

"Yeah." Kate figured that small talk was about as good as this conversation was going to get. She didn't really want to be rude to the woman. She didn't even really have anything against her. She just was uncomfortable with the idea that her dad had moved on. Or more accurately, the fact that he'd moved on and she really hadn't.

"Your dad didn't like that you became a cop, did he? He was telling me that that was one of the reasons for your fallout."

Kate froze. She hadn't expected her dad to talk about their estrangement, though she supposed she really should have. The two were married, after all. But a part of her felt betrayed that her dad had talked about their troubles with another person.

Shaking herself from her thoughts, she looked back at Elizabeth. "Yeah, he didn't like it. But it's what I wanted to do."

The other woman was silent for several moments before saying, "It still scares him, you know?"

"I know," Kate sighed.

"That's it? You know?" Elizabeth asked, her tone skeptical.

"Yes, I know," Kate snapped, having had enough. Her tone drew the attention of her dad and her son who had been happily chatting. Both were silent now. "I know I screwed up, okay? I know that my choices leave a lot to be desired. I know that! I've taken responsibility for those that I can change. I'm here for Alex, and I always will be. I made a mistake when I was 19 years old, and I'll pay for that mistake always. And yes, I'm a cop. Maybe I shouldn't have been a cop, but you know what, my mother was killed, and no one did a damn thing about it! It was up to me. I'm the one that had to plan her funeral alone, while pregnant, because my dad was too busy drinking himself into a stupor and I'd driven away the one man who would have helped me.

"I will never forgive myself for what I did to Alex. I will never forgive myself for losing the one man that would love me always. I won't apologize for being a cop, however. I never will. It's my job, and I love it."

Kate stood up and faced her father, who was looking at her in shock. She deliberately didn't turn towards Alex. "I know that I've been a disappointment to you since I was 19 years old, Dad. I'm sorry." With that, Kate put her napkin on her plate and walked briskly out of the room.

-:::-

Jim Beckett was not one to dwell on his emotions. But he figured that he deserved to brood a bit. After all, he'd just had a knock down fight with his second wife that had left her in tears and him furious.

After Katie had left the dining room, Alex had excused himself and had scurried out of the room. Jim had then turned to his wife to find out what had set Katie off. That had led to a hushed and intense fight that Jim had eventually had to walk away from. By the time he'd walked away, Kate and Alex had been nowhere to be found.

Jim sighed as he thought about yet another ruined meeting with his grandson. Like the first one, this one had brought back reminders of his own failures. He had forced Kate to plan her own mother's funeral because he was too drunk to do it himself. He hadn't been there through her pregnancy or the birth of his grandson. In fact, he could only barely remember her telling him about the pregnancy at all. It wasn't until two years after Johanna's death that he pulled himself out of the bottle long enough to learn that she'd given her son away and joined the NYPD. They had fought almost constantly for eight years.

He had thought that they were moving past that stage. But Elizabeth's pointed questions had changed that, and now Kate had taken Alex and run away yet again. Jim made his way into his study and closed the door. Before he could take a seat at his desk, he heard the doorbell ring.

He was shocked to find Kate and Alex on the other side of the door. He hadn't expected to see his daughter again for quite some time. Usually after a confrontation, Kate would run as far away as possible to lick her wounds.

"Katie?"

"Hey Dad, sorry. Alex and I took a walk. Can we come back in? We should probably talk."

"Ah, sure, sure," Jim said, before stepping back and letting them enter. "I thought you had left."

"No, just a walk. Dad, can Alex watch some TV while you and I talk?"

"Sure, that's okay." Jim showed his grandson into the living room once again and gave him the remote. He then led his daughter into his study so they'd have some privacy.

"So, that went well," Jim said once the door was closed behind them. "I'm sorry that she brought that up, Katie. She does like you, but she has some issues...I guess with the way you've handled things."

"It's okay, Dad. I have issues with the way I handled things too. I didn't handle it well, at all, and I know that. I think everyone can see that I'm doing all I can now to make amends," Kate said. She took a seat on the sofa that her dad kept along the wall opposite the bookcases full of of books on law and politics. "However, I don't regret becoming a cop. I enjoy the work. I may not have made the decision to join up with the right mindset or because of the right reasons, but now? I like being a cop and I can't really imagine doing anything else. I guess Elizabeth's prodding just hit a nerve."

Jim nodded. "You know I wasn't happy, Katie, when you told me you were a cop. I wasn't around when you made that decision, and I'm forever sorry that I abandoned you for those two years. You were still a young girl, you didn't deserve to be left alone like that.

"We both have regrets, and we're both making amends. I know Rick has forgiven you, and I think Alex has too. I don't blame you for what happened between us. At least, not entirely. That's on both of us. We let our issues come between us, and let it keep us away from each other for 10 years. I regret that a great deal. I'll never get those years back. But all I can do is do better. Remember what I used to tell you when you were little and you'd fail at something?"

Kate smiled then giggled. "Yeah, you told me, 'Katie-bug, success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.' I was 15 when I found out that it wasn't your quote but a quote by Churchill."

"Yeah," Jim laughed. "But it's true. You may not have been a successful mother for the first ten years of your son's life. You may not have the best reasons why, but you've shown in the last six months that you have the courage to be a good mother _now._ That's what matters."

Jim sat next to his daughter and pulled her into a one-armed hug. "As for your job, I will never be okay with you putting yourself in danger. It's just not in a father's DNA to see his child willingly walk into the line of fire. But...I don't deny that what you do is important nor that you're very good at it. Despite my worries, I'm so very proud of you, Katie-bug. I let my worry cloud that for a long time, but that doesn't mean that I haven't always been so proud."

Kate wiped tears away from her eyes and wrapped her dad in a strong hug. The two sat there for several minutes, just enjoying the company of the other for what seemed like the first time in a decade. Kate felt secure in her father's love for the first time since her mother died, and she couldn't help but feel giddy that he had his arms around her once more.

-:::-

"And this is them coming back from their first date," Jim said, pointing towards a Polaroid picture that was stuck in a large photo album. He reveled in the soft smile that graced his grandson's face. They'd been sitting looking at pictures for the last twenty minutes or so, and Jim was enjoying himself immensely. He'd not been able to look at these pictures without feeling melancholy for so long, but it was different now that he had his grandson to show them to.

"Dad looks so happy," Alex said softly. "But why does Mom look like she didn't have a good time?"

"Well, they went dancing," Jim said simply.

"Dancing? Why did that have her looking so sour?"

"Well, Alex, I'll let you into a little secret. Your dad can't dance. Apparently, Katie was so upset not because the date went bad, but because your father kept stepping on her toes over and over again."

Alex laughed. "But I've seen him dance!" Alex exclaimed after he calmed down. "He can dance now. At least slow dance. When the music gets faster he just looks funny."

"My bet is that he took lessons sometime after you were born," Kate said, walking into the room. She could remember that first date as if it were yesterday. And she could remember that picture too. The date had gone really well (or at least as well as a 'date' could go when your parent was chaperoning because their daughter was only 14 years old). She'd even experienced her first kiss that night. But the dancing had been terrible. Looking back on it, Kate found it highly amusing, but at the time, she just couldn't explain how her best friend was so clumsy.

Alex and Jim looked up at her. Kate could tell by the look on her dad's face that he was curious how her conversation with Elizabeth had gone. She nodded her head to let him know that all was well, then sat beside her son, who had the photo album perched on his lap. After leaver her dad with Alex, she'd gone to find Elizabeth, who had clearly been upset. They'd...talked. It was awkward, but Kate thought that perhaps for the first time they were on their way to a amicable relationship.

Kate giggled when she saw her face in the picture they'd been talking about. "I was not happy with his dancing. Of course, right after that picture was taken your dad kissed me for the first time, and I no longer cared that he couldn't dance."

"I'm ashamed that I didn't get a picture of that," Jim said. "It'd have been a nice addition to the photo album. Your face when he pulled away was priceless. Granted, I was torn between laughing and scowling at Rick for kissing you."

"Well, you know he was nothing but a gentleman that entire night. You were there for the whole thing."

"Wait," Alex said, looking up at Jim, who was smirking. "You went on the date with them?"

"Well, you see, Alex, Katie here was only 14 at the time. She didn't exactly have a way to get to and from anywhere. Your dad was only a year older, so he couldn't drive. So I offered to take them, then got a table at the same restaurant. It was just for convenience."

"Sure, Dad, keep telling yourself that," Kate said, laughing.

The trio spent the next hour looking at more photos, with laughter and joy filling the room. Kate knew that everything was going to be just fine. The road was bumpy, but in the end, it was all worthwhile.

-:::-

July 18 2010

"Alex," Kate called from the kitchen, "dinner!"

There was no response from the living room where Alex had been reading a book. Thinking that he might just be too engrossed in his novel to hear her, Kate walked into the living room to rouse him. But he wasn't there.

"Alex! Where are you, sweetheart? The table is set," Kate called out as she walked into her office.

That's where she found her son, but what he was doing made her heart skip a beat. Her son had pulled open the window shades and was gazing with shocked interest at the murder board that she kept safely hidden away. An image of her mom's mangled body, taped front and center, had captivated her son's attention.

Not thinking, Kate ran forward and slammed the window shades shut with a snarl. "Just what do you think you're doing?" she shouted angrily.

Alex didn't answer. He just looked at her with wide, haunted eyes, then ran out of the room as quick as his feet could carry him.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. So this chapter did NOT go the way I thought it would. Man, the ups and downs. This bit at the end was a completely unplanned surprise, and changes the next few chapters. Looks like we're adding a few chapters to part 2.**

 **Next chapter, we see the** **fallout** **from Alex's curiosity. Everything rests on Kate's reaction, doesn't it? Then Rick comes back, and we'll see some more interaction between Kate and Rick before we get to the end of Part 2, which still ends in a terrible cliffhanger.**

 **I love reviews, so please leave one and let me know if you're still liking the story!**


	25. Chapter 25

**a.n. This might be my favorite chapter so far. There's a bunch of stuff that goes on as Alex's time with his mom comes to a close.**

 **Huge thanks to Her Pegship who continues to correct my atrocious attempts at the English language. You should definitely check out her Castle stuff.**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own Castle, of course.**

-:::-

July 18 2010

Kate's first thought was that she should really chase after her son and give him a piece of her mind. A part of her felt so violated that she couldn't even put it into words. However, the rest of her realized that she was overreacting and there was something bigger that she should be focusing on.

Alex had seen the murder photos of his grandmother.

That made Kate actually chase after her son, but for a different reason. She couldn't imagine what damage she'd just caused her 10 year old child. No child should ever, ever, have to see an image of their murdered grandmother.

By the time Kate arrived in her living room, Alex was long gone. She started to make her way down the hallway towards his bedroom when she froze. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed something that made her entire being shake with absolute fear.

The door to her apartment was wide open.

-:::-

Richard Castle (for that was his persona on this trip) was not having a good time. For one thing, hotel rooms were uncomfortable. Sure, he stayed in some very luxurious places on his trip, but none of them seemed all that comfortable to him. It all screamed 'fake.' Some of the rooms were downright gaudy in their decorations, while others tried much too hard to portray a sense of 'home.'

The trip, for the most part, had gone well enough. He could have done without the many women asking him to sign their chests or the groupies that seemed to follow him everywhere. But it was nice to see that so many people loved his books. He was tired though. A month on the road was not his idea of fun.

He missed Alex so much. He'd had to go on several trips over the years, but he'd never agreed to trips that lasted more than just a few days. So the longest he'd ever been away from his son had been a few days.

It wouldn't have been so bad if Rick didn't think about the fact that he still had ten days still before he could see Alex and his own bed and everything he loved back in New York. But mostly Alex.

Rick liked seeing different parts of the country. It was nice and something that he had never really had the chance to do, but after a while it got old and things started blurring together. It got so bad that he started to create reminders with post-it notes to remind him exactly what city and state he was in, so he didn't make mistakes later in the day.

The repetition was getting to him. Luckily he got to hear his son's voice quite often. While Alex was at camp, he alternated calling Rick and Kate. Once Alex had moved into his "way cool" room (Alex's words) at Kate's apartment, Rick talked to his son every other night.

It was nice, and it was what kept him going. Ten more days and he could see his son again. Rick couldn't wait.

-:::-

The sheer panic that flowed through her would have astonished Kate if she'd had a moment to think about it - which she didn't. She flew out of her apartment, looking toward the rest of the apartments on her floor and then toward the stairwell.

Kate dashed toward the stairwell, hoping that her boy hadn't made it too far. If he'd made his way out of the building, she didn't know what she'd do. What if he was gone? What if someone took him? What if he got hit by a taxi or a bus? Alex was only ten years old, and while he was exceptionally smart and had lived in the city his whole life, he was still just a child. He didn't know or understand all the dangers the big city held for a kid his age.

Despite the fact that she knew she'd disturb her neighbors, Kate couldn't help but call out his name over and over again. It was as she was about to enter the stairwell that she heard it.

The sound was coming from behind a door that Kate knew led to a supply closet her landlord used sparingly. She cautiously approached the door and pulled it open.

"Alex?"

Silence, broken only by sniffling.

"Alex, sweetheart?"

"Go away," he whispered.

"I'm not going to go away, Alex," Kate said as she entered the closet fully (it was a tight fit, but she managed). She sat down beside her son, noticing how dark it was in the closet. She pulled out her phone and enabled the flashlight app, causing a brilliant light to fill the space around them.

Kate winced when she got a close look at her son's face. He had big tears flowing down his cheeks and his eyes were pinched closed as if he were trying to stop the tears from flowing. She had done this to him. The guilt was almost overpowering, but she knew she had to push through it.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn't have snapped at you. It was wrong of me, and I'll try not to ever do it again."

Kate took a deep breath when he didn't reply. "I'm sorry that you had to see those images too. I should have taken those down when you and I started spending more time together."

"W-why are they there?"

Kate pondered her answer for a moment before she responded, "When she was murdered, my mother's killer was never caught. You know I didn't handle that well. I joined the police academy so that I could find her murderer."

"And did you?"

"No," Kate answered as she shook her head. "No, I didn't even come close. But sometimes that's what happens."

There was silence in the closet as Alex got his emotions together and Kate thought about her reaction to what had happened.

"Alex? Have you ever gotten really, really mad at your dad?"

Alex looked at her oddly but nodded his head. "Yeah, once or twice when he wouldn't let me do something I wanted to do."

"Did you ever run out of your loft?"

Alex shook his head.

"You can't, okay. Parents and children get mad at each other. As I said, I shouldn't have responded how I did in there, but running out of my apartment is something you should never do. If you'd gone any farther than this closet and made it out of the building, I don't know what would have happened to you. No matter how hard it gets, no matter what happens, you can't scare me like that, okay kiddo?"

Alex nodded and Kate put her arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. She kissed him on the top of his head and breathed in deeply. She'd never been so worried in her entire life. To think that she might have caused her kid to run away from home was just so terrible she couldn't even really wrap her mind around it.

"I'm sorry for snooping, mom," Alex said a few moments later.

"Ah, honey, you can snoop anywhere in that apartment you want. It's my fault for not taking those pictures down. I'm just sad you had to see your grandmother like that. You should never have had to see those."

Alex nodded and buried his face into her shoulder. "I wish I could have met her," he whispered, causing Kate's heart to break once more.

"Oh, she would have loved you to pieces, sweetheart. And I know that wherever she is now, she's so proud of the young man you've become."

-:::-

Things were not good over the course of the next two days. Alex was quite upset about what he had seen, and spent most of his time in his room, drawing. Kate tried to draw him out, but she knew that he needed time to get past what had happened. She made sure she was always around so that he could talk, and he did come to her the next night and let her tell some stories about his grandmother and show him some pictures of Johanna when she'd been alive. Kate thought that those stories and pictures helped Alex at least a little, for which she was grateful.

It took some time, but eventually she was able to draw him back out and they spent some time together having fun. She was never going to be good at video games, that was something she could state with absolute certainty. She could put 9 out of 10 bullets in the center of a target on a good day, but she just could not get the hang of shooting a gun with a joystick. Nor was she much into zombies, which Alex seemed to love quite a lot.

She was fairly good at racing games, though, but she still didn't hold a candle to her son who seemed to be really good no matter the genre of the video game.

"You're really good at all of these, Alex," Kate said near the end of nearly two hours of getting her ass handed to her by a ten year old.

"I like playing. Dad is pretty good too, so we play a lot. We even entered a father-son tournament last year to play Madden. That was a lot of fun even if we didn't win."

"Madden?"

Kate was slightly unnerved by the mischievous glint that appeared in her son's eyes when he said, "Yeah. Madden. Want to play?"

Kate groaned, but nodded. After all, how bad could she be?

-:::-

July 21 2010

Alex was being sneaky. There was no way his mom was going to get him this time, she was so going down. She'd taught him how to hide and how to use the terrain to his advantage, and now he was going to use her lessons against her.

He kept his laser gun at the ready as he traversed around the corner of the sofa, hunched over so that he couldn't be seen from the rest of the room. Just as he was ready to pounce, his vest gave a beep, signaling a hit.

Alex sighed and looked over to where his mom was standing smirking, near the kitchen island where she had apparently been hiding.

"Mom! How can you be so silent?"

"All part of the job, sweetheart. Now, are you ready to go again? Maybe I'll go easier on you this time."

Alex groaned. "No way. You promised you wouldn't let me win so I can get better. I'm so going to be able to beat dad when he gets home."

"All right," Kate said laughing, "let's reset and then we'll go again."

Alex nodded. His mom might not be any good at video games, but he didn't care. In the real world, she was a ninja and she had awesome skills when it came to laser tag. That was way cooler.

-:::-

July 24 2010

Their time together was quickly coming to a close, and Kate dreaded the day that her son was no longer staying with her. She had discovered that she very much wanted to keep him close to her and never let him go.

They'd gotten very close since November, when she had come back into his life. But two weeks of constantly being in each other's presence had changed Kate immeasurably.

She didn't want him to leave. Intellectually, she knew that Alex would have to go back to his own home with his father, and she wouldn't begrudge that out loud, but inside she was screaming in despair.

Instead of focusing too much on Alex's imminent departure from her daily life, Kate decided she would make the final few days of his stay truly special. So she'd helped him pack an overnight bag with clothes for three days, and had prodded him into her car without telling him where they were going, dodging all of his questions.

She had thought about taking Alex up to her dad's cabin, but in the end she'd decided against it. Alex had just spent almost a month in the great outdoors, so he might not enjoy another three days cut off from civilization. Instead she'd decided that she would take him on an experience that she'd enjoyed many times in her life: a baseball weekend.

When Kate was a little girl, her dad had taken her on what he'd call Baseball Weekends. These usually happened on weekends when her mom was out of town on business or staying with friends. Jim Beckett would take his little girl to a Saturday Yankee game, and then a Sunday Yankee game. They'd always stay at a nice hotel somewhere near the stadium and fill their days outside of baseball with trips to the baseball museum and other fun little places. Kate could remember those weekends being some of the most fun times she'd ever spent with her father.

Having learned from Rick (who had never liked baseball at all) that Alex was a bit interested in learning the sport, Kate had decided that at some point during their stay that she and her son would make the trip out to Yankee Stadium and see a game. In the end she'd decided to see if she could replicate her own Baseball Weekends.

"So, where are we going, Mom?" Alex said as Kate pulled her car out into traffic.

"Well, your dad said that you wanted to learn about baseball."

Alex's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah, so we're going to go to two games this weekend. The Red Sox are in town so it should be a good time. We'll stay at a hotel near the stadium tonight. There are several attractions in that area of the city, so we have a full schedule for both today and tomorrow."

"That's cool, Mom. Dad doesn't know the first thing about baseball. He tried to look it up when I asked about it a couple years ago, but he just got lost in all the numbers."

Kate laughed. "I could never get your dad to come to a game with me when we were younger. He'd do almost anything with me, but not that. He said he found the game extremely boring."

She and Alex started to talk about their experiences with the game. Alex had watched games on the television, but he hadn't been able to talk his dad into taking him to a game yet.

The weekend was the most fun she'd had in a long time. She spent the first game explaining the game to her son, while also trying to simplify some of the statistics that were important. She taught him how they kept score and some of the things that they kept track of, like errors and ERA. Alex soaked everything up like a sponge. He often tried to compare it with soccer, but she told him there weren't many things the two sports had in common.

They spent most of Saturday visiting the different attractions and stores around the stadium. There was even a camp put on by several Yankee players that they got to observe (though sadly they weren't signed up for Alex to take part). Alex did manage to get Derek Jeter's autograph, which had been pretty exciting for both of them.

The hotel turned out to be well appointed and hideously expensive (even by New York standards), but they'd had a good time. Alex had spent the evening teaching her how to play Zelda on his handheld Nintendo console. Their laughter rang through the hotel room as they played and talked into the night.

Sunday, their time before the game was spent in their hotel room because it was raining. Kate feared that the game would be rained out or at least severely delayed, but about an hour before the first pitch, the sun came out and they exited their hotel room to make their way to the stadium.

The Yankees lost, but the two had fun, and that was all that counted. Kate could only grin stupidly at the wide smile on her son's face as they made their way back to the hotel. She was supremely happy with the way the weekend had turned out. She knew that it would be something that she would do again with her son if he wanted to.

Her happiness lasted right up until the moment they entered their hotel room to pack their bags.

"You know, Mom, I think I might be a Red Sox fan."

-:::-

July 28 2010

Richard Rodgers stepped out of the back seat of the hired car and stretched. After a long flight and a long car ride into the city, he was seriously ready to be home.

But first he had to see the most important person in his life. He walked into the apartment building and took the elevator up to Kate's floor. He knew that his mother had left town the day before for several performances in Pennsylvania and Connecticut, so there was no reason to go up to her floor. He still found it odd that his mother and his ex-girlfriend lived in the same apartment building.

Rick knocked loudly on Kate's door and waited impatiently. He smiled when he heard small feet running towards the door.

"Dad!" Alex said as he flung the door open and flew into his father's arms.

"Bud! Man, am I glad to see you," Rick said happily as he wrapped his son in his arms. "Did you have a good time with Kate? How did the baseball weekend go?"

"It was fun! I freaked Mom out by proclaiming my undying loyalty to the Boston Red Sox. It was hilarious."

Rick threw his head back and laughed. He stood up from where he'd knelt down to hug his son and looked into Kate's apartment. He smirked when he saw the disgruntled look on his friend's face. He knew she hated the Sox with a passion. He couldn't think of a better prank to play on her, really.

"Hi, Kate."

"Hey, Rick. How was your flight?" Kate asked, shaking her head to get rid of the memory of her son's prank.

"Long," Rick answered. He looked down at Alex. "I'm starving; have you had lunch yet?"

"Nope," Alex said.

"Well, why don't you grab your things and we'll go get some burgers."

Alex nodded and raced back into Kate's apartment and towards his bedroom.

Rick looked at Kate. "So, how did it go? I know we talked a couple times."

"It was awesome, Rick. I..." Kate looked away. "I love him so much. It's going to be tough not having him here all the time."

"He's pretty great," Rick said with a smile. "You know you're always welcome to come see him. If you have days off, come stay at the loft. We have spare rooms. If you let me know in advance, he can come stay with you for a weekend once or twice a month. And we'll still see you at least once a week."

Before they could say anything else, Alex came down the stairs. Rick smiled down at his son. "Are you ready to go, bud?"

"Yeah, Dad," Alex turned to his mom. "Thanks for being with me these last two weeks, mom."

"Oh, sweetie," Kate said, kneeling down and giving her son a big hug."You don't have to thank me. I had a good time. I will see you on Wednesday. Maybe the three of us could do something," Kate said with a look up at Rick. He nodded and she went on, "Then that's the plan. Remember to show your dad the baseball, and I want to see that drawing when you're done with it."

Alex nodded and hugged his mom again. Rick smiled down at the scene before him. The two really had come a long way. He had forgiven Kate for what she'd done. For the first time since she'd reentered their lives in November, Rick felt that they had settled into their new normal and that everything was right in the world. That thought just made him smile more. It was good to be home.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. So there's that one. A bit of angst, some fluff. Let me know in reviews if you liked it.**

 **Coming up next we have some time spent between Kate and Rick that brings their friendship a bit closer. We have a revelation from Rick that will shock Kate to her core, and we have the end of Part two in two chapters that ends on a shocking cliff hanger that will shock pretty much everyone. {Cackles madly with glee}**

 *** I do not know anything about the Yankees, or the stadium or the venues surrounding it (or baseball, really). And I didn't look to see if the things I talked about it the Baseball Weekend section actually exist. For the sake of this story, just assume they do.**


	26. Chapter 26

**a.n. Here's the next chapter. Its fluffy and mostly filler, but it is needed to show the relationships between our characters.**

 **Special thanks to Her Pegship who did her absolute best with this travesty. You should go check out her _Castle_ stuff, it's great.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

-:::-

August 4 2010

Kate sat down on the couch in Rick's living room, laughing. "I can't believe you did that."

"Well, it made him laugh, so of course I did," Rick said petulantly, flopping down beside her. "Besides, he likes it when I make up stories about people."

"Well, yeah, that's always been entertaining, but you should have kept your voice down a bit."

Rick laughed. "Yeah, turns out sound travels quite well in a theater, who knew. But I can't help it if the movie you chose was boring."

"Hey, Alex wanted to see it too!" Kate protested. They'd gone to see _The Last Airbender_ , but it had turned out to be...well, boring. So Rick had taken to making up stories about the rest of the people in the theater, which had caused Kate and Alex to giggle through most of the movie. The real problem had come during the quietest part of the movie when Rick had told a story about one of the other patrons. Everyone in the theater, including that patron, had heard the story.

It had caused Alex to laugh really loud, which in turn got them kicked out of the theater. But it had been worth it. Overall, they'd had a grand time despite the poor choice of film. Alex had been a little down because they hadn't been able to arrange for him to see his new friends again before the start of school, so they'd needed something fun to do.

"So, how's it going, Kate?" Rick asked. "You don't normally take vacations. Was it weird going back to work after so long?"

"It was, but...I'm glad I did it. I feel so much closer to Alex now. Going back did feel odd after so long. The boys gave me some guff about being a slacker, but they couldn't say too much given that Montgomery gave them time off too."

"That's Ryan and...Esposito?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me some more stories, would you?"

Kate laughed. Rick had been curious about her job since they'd truly began rebuilding their friendship. At first it was weird, because no one should have that much fascination with murder, but she'd come to find it completely adorable, even if she wouldn't admit that to herself or Rick. Ever.

The two spent another three hours together, trading stories. Kate shared some about her job and a few about the ten years she'd been out of his life; Rick shared stories of his time with Alex and some of the funny and difficult moments he'd had during their ten year estrangement.

By the end of the night, each of them felt much closer to the other, and they felt that their friendship was almost as strong as it had been when they were kids.

-:::-

August 11 2010

She was surprised when Rick asked to talk to her privately in his office. Alex had been sent to bed a few minutes earlier, and they were waiting for him to finish his nightly routine before tucking him in. She had planned on staying around for another hour or so before heading home. She and Rick usually had a good time talking or just watching TV after Alex had got to sleep.

The invitation to Rick's office was unusual, and it set her on guard a bit.

"So, what's going on?" she asked once she'd closed the door behind her. "Rick, why do you look so serious?"

He was kind of scaring her. Was he going to keep her away from Alex? Her biggest fear was that Rick would eventually remember how terrible she was and send her away, never to see her child again.

"I...uh...I'm not really sure where to start," Rick said finally.

"The beginning is always a good place," Kate said. "That's what you always used to say."

Rick smiled. "Yeah." He took a deep breath, "I have a question to ask you. I'm really hoping you'll say yes, because this is so cool, but it's okay if you say no. I mean, it'll mean a lot of work will have been wasted, but that's okay - it won't be the first time I've done this and not used it. I really like it, and Gina said it was the best work I've ever done...and..."

"Rick."

"I've already written about three quarters of the first book..."

"Rick!"

"And it's okay if you don't like it..."

"RICHARD RODGERS!"

Rick looked at Kate, eyes wide. Then he blushed. "Sorry."

"That's okay," Kate said with a smile. "But maybe you want to tell me what you're talking about before you start freaking out."

He took a deep breath again and said, "I've written some new material, about a new character. She's based on...well, she's based on you. I've been messing around with the concept since we met again in November, and I think it's really good. But...I didn't want to make a deal with Black Pawn if you were completely against the idea."

Kate stared at Rick in shock. "You wrote about me?"

"Well, I wrote about a character that is based on you."

"B-but you don't even know about my job, or at least you didn't before these last few months. Wait...is that why you've been asking so many questions about my job?"

Rick nodded sheepishly. "Yeah. Don't get me wrong, all the stories were very interesting, but it was also great research."

Kate wanted to be angry at him. She felt as though he'd been using her, but she was still in shock at the mere idea of him writing about her that she couldn't muster any anger towards his duplicity.

"Can...can I read it?"

Rick smiled. "Sure." He walked over to his desk and picked up a giant stack of paper. "This is just the first part of the novel, so it's not complete. I'm thinking about using the title _Heat Rises_. It plays on the character name I've chosen and with the storyline."

"Wait, your character name is Heat?" Kate asked, taking the printout.

"Yeah. Nikki Heat."

Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "Tell me you're joking."

"No, of course not, why would I joke about that?"

Kate stepped forward, toe to toe with him, and gave him her best glare. "If you're going to do this, if you must, you're going to change that...that terrible name. I will not have a character based on me with a stripper name."

"It's not! A stripper name, I mean. It's not. And think of all the cool title possibilities!"

"I don't care, Rodgers, change it. Or else."

Rick cocked his head to the side, a small smirk playing on his lips. "Or else, what?"

"I'll shoot you. I have a gun. It'll even be worth the paperwork. My ME friend will help me make it look like an accident."

Rick gulped. "It's a good name. I..."

"Rick..." Kate growled.

He squared his shoulders. "I like the name, Kate. You will too. Look, just read what I have so far. If you don't like the name after you've read some of it, I'll think more about changing it."

Kate groaned. "Fine. But I'm telling you right now, you need to start thinking about a better name."

Rick smiled. "Good. Good. We should get upstairs. Alex is probably waiting for you."

Kate nodded sharply and stalked out of Rick's office, clutching the pages of the manuscript to her chest. She may not like the name (because seriously, Nikki Heat?), but she was thrilled that he'd written about her.

It was something he'd done before, of course. When they were younger and Rick had just started writing, he'd often write about real people, and he often called her his muse. But it was never anything like this.

Not that she'd tell him her feelings on the subject. There was no way she'd enlarge his ego by telling him that she was quite happy to be his muse.

-:::-

September 17 2010

Eleven years old. Her son was now eleven years old. It was hard to believe. It also caused the guilt that she'd been burying for the last ten months to bubble up to the surface. When she woke up the morning of her son's birthday, that guilt was almost overwhelming.

Her son was eleven and she'd only just begun to have a relationship with him. It was mortifying. She could remember the day Alex was born so well. Yet she didn't have the memory of so many other important moments.

Holding him for the first time (she'd stubbornly and horrifically refused to do so after he'd been born).

His first time crawling.

His first birthday. His first minor injury or illness. Teaching him to read and write.

As she sat up in her bed, it hit her again just how much she had missed. Intellectually, she knew that there was nothing she could do now that could change the decisions she'd made when she was 19. All she could do was be there for him now. And she would. She'd miss no more firsts.

-:::-

"Alex! Are you ready to go?" Rick yelled up the stairs.

"Coming, Dad!"

Rick sighed. They were running late. They were meeting Kate for a birthday lunch, and then they were coming back to the loft to prepare for Alex's birthday party. Rick had already done a lot of the prep work, but he left the decorating so that Kate could take part. He knew that she'd want to play a role as much as possible in the first of Alex's birthdays she'd been around for.

Alex bounded down the stairs, a happy grin on his face. The boy had always loved his birthday (Rick had a suspicion it was because there was always cake).

"You ready, bud?" Rick asked as he looked his son over critically. He hated to admit it, but at ten years old, his son had quite a bit of a fashion fetish. Rick could also admit that it was partly his fault. He'd always supplied Alex with an overly full wardrobe. Despite his protests, Alex was not at all uncomfortable with the vastness of his clothing collection.

"Yes, Dad. I had to find the right shirt. You said that Brian and Sally are going to be there, right?"

Rick smiled. "Yeah. They'll be at the party tonight. They're going to stay for the whole weekend. They and their parents will stay in the guest rooms. I've already cleaned out the one we use for storage. Now, come on, we've got to go or your mom will get worried."

Alex grinned. "What do you think she got me?"

"Probably a sweater," Rick said dryly. "Or maybe some new shoes."

"Dad, don't even go there," Alex said, rolling his eyes.

The two bantered as they left the loft, caught a cab and made their way to Remy's. Kate was already at a booth in the back when they walked into the restaurant.

"Hey guys," Kate said as she stood up to greet them. She knelt down and hugged Alex tightly. "Happy birthday, sweetheart."

Alex hugged her back. "Thanks, Mom!"

Rick smiled as he watched the scene in front of him. It was a little bittersweet for him. This was something that should have been possible every single one of Alex's birthdays. If Kate hadn't been so good over the last ten months about making herself a part of their son's life, Rick knew that he wouldn't even consider having her a part of Alex's birthday celebrations. As it was, he felt like she'd earned her spot at Alex's side, and while what she had done would never be forgotten, she had been forgiven for it over time. It made him happy that they seemed to finally be creating the family they should always have been.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. Let me know what you guys think of this chapter in the reviews. I'm not all that happy with some of the wording, so let me know what you think.**

 **Next chapter is the last of Part 2. It's already written and is being beta-ed right now. The cliff hanger is brutal, I'm just warning you. Before that part, we see Thanksgiving and some more time with Grandpa Jim.**


	27. Chapter 27

**a.n. This chapter spans quite a bit of time. This is also the last chapter of Part 2.**

 **Special and huge thanks to Her Pegship who continues to work miracles on my grammar. Eventually, Peg, I'll learn when to use gone and went. Maybe. Everyone should read her stuff, it's awesome!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, and have run dry of pithy and humorous statements about my lack of ownership.**

-:::-

October 31 2010

Alex's birthday had gone very well, Kate thought. The party that had been held later that night had been well attended and well received. Alex's friendship with Brian and Sally had continued on despite the time between their meetings, and she and Rick had a good time making sure that their son had the best time possible.

Over the course of the next month and a half, she'd even been able to have Alex spend two weekends at her apartment, which had been great. She'd also spent quite a lot of time with Rick as they continued to become closer friends. It no longer felt odd being around him (despite the fact that they used to date and had a child together), and she felt that they were in a very good place.

Since things were going so well , she and Rick agreed that they'd all Trick or Treat together. Kate was really excited about it. After all, she and Rick had a lot of fun when they were growing up together, and she suspected that Rick was going to go all out for Halloween.

She could remember quite well the previous Halloween. She knew she owed a ton of thanks to whatever deity had brought Rick and Alex to her door the previous year. Without their visit, she was ashamed to admit, she might have never have sought out her son. She'd been so entrenched behind her delusions.

Kate knocked on the door to the loft. While she waited she smoothed down the fabric of her costume. It wasn't much. At first she thought about going as something extremely sexy just to get a reaction from Rick, but then decided that that was inappropriate. (Though she did smirk when she imagined his expression at seeing her in a sexy cop outfit. It had also caused her cheeks to flush. Her mind had been spending way too much time thinking about ways to seduce her former fiance, and she knew she needed to stop. Rick had no interest in her that way, at least not anymore.)

Her thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the loft door. She was shocked to discover that Rick wasn't in costume; he was dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. His hair looked like he'd been running his fingers through it constantly, and his chin was covered with scruff. He looked terrible.

"Rick? What's wrong?"

"Oh, Kate. I'm so sorry. I didn't even think to call you. Alex is sick."

"Sick? What's wrong with him?" Kate asked, walking in after Rick had stepped aside. "I just talked to him yesterday - he seemed fine. Excited, but fine."

"I know. It started last night. Chicken pox."

"Oh, poor boy. What about you? You look like you're coming down with something."

"No," Rick said, leading her into the kitchen. "I'm just exhausted. It's been a long night."

"Does he need to go to the doctor?"

"I took him this morning, because he hadn't really broken out with the spots yet, but they found some when we were there. Since then...well, it's obvious what it is. There's not much that can be done other than making sure he rests and doesn't scratch too much. I'm sorry I didn't call. I...well, I didn't even remember what day it was."

"It's fine, Rick, I understand."

"Indiana Jones, right?" Rick guessed. "The bull whip gives it away."

Kate laughed softly. "Yeah. I guess I'm not going to need all this. What can I do here? You look like you could use a break."

"You don't have to do that, Kate. I'm fine."

"Nonsense," Kate said, somewhat shortly. "I can help, Rick."

Rick nodded. "Sure. He's upstairs resting right now, but he'll need to apply calamine lotion again in about an hour. I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."

Kate nodded. She took off the bull whip and other fake equipment that was attached to her belt and made her way up the stairs. She heard Rick sigh, but didn't turn around. She knew that he was used to being a single dad, but it was time he remembered that he didn't have to do everything alone.

-:::-

The next three days were not fun. Kate and Rick took turns looking after Alex and making sure that the patient was as itch-free as possible. Kate surprised Rick by calling into work and claiming a family emergency. She wasn't going to go to work when her son was sick. She'd already missed this too often in the past.

Kate was sitting on Rick's couch in yoga pants and a long sweatshirt when Rick came down the stairs.

"How is he?" she asked, setting down the coffee she'd been nursing for the past half hour.

"There are fewer spots on him now than there were this morning, and he's less itchy. I think we're finally seeing the other side of it."

Kate breathed a sigh of relief. "That's great." She leaned back into the comfortable cushions of the sofa and sighed deeply. She was exhausted and she knew that Rick was too. She studied her friend as he sat down on the other end of the couch.

"You okay over there, Ricky?" Kate said, teasing him with the name she'd called him when they were younger.

"Just tired. Thanks for sticking around, Kate. You've really helped."

Kate nodded. "You don't have to thank me, you know? I...I know that I wasn't around for a long time. But I am now. I'm not going to leave and I'm his mother. I want to be here when he's sick or when he's sad or...all the time, really."

Rick was silent for a minute, his head resting on the back cushion of the couch. He sighed. "I know, Kate," he said finally. "I know you're here for him. It's just...I was all he had for so long. I'm a bit jealous of how close the two of you've gotten. I've tried not to show it, because he deserves to have you in his life, and really, I'm thrilled that he's gotten to know you and can rely on you."

He shrugged and added, "I guess I'm still just adjusting to having someone to share the parental duties with."

Kate wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'm so sorry, Rick. So sorry."

Rick looked at her, noticed her tears, then scooted closer. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side. "Hey, don't cry. My jealousy is irrational. Alex hasn't nor is he going to replace me with you. It's just not going to happen that way. He's going to continue growing up into this amazing young man with both of his parents in his life. There will come a time when he won't even think about the first ten years of his life when you weren't there. It'll just seem like he's always had both parents there for him. And that's great! That's all I ever wanted for him, and that it's finally happened makes me happier than I can say. I might still be getting used to it, but I'm glad you came back into our lives, Kate. We are definitely better off now than we were before. So...thank you for making the effort."

The two friends sat quietly after that, just enjoying each other's company. Kate couldn't help but snuggle closer to the man who had once again become her very best friend.

-:::-

November 25, 2010

Rick scurried through the kitchen, buzzing from one counter to another, making sure that each and every dish was on its way towards completion. Thanksgiving in the past had always been a small affair; usually just Alex, Martha and himself.

This year was different. Kate was coming to dinner, and so was her father and his new wife (whom he hadn't met, but had heard about from Kate). Of course, Alex and Martha were going to be there as well. For the first time ever, the whole family was going to sit down at the table for Thanksgiving. It was going to be awesome.

Rick had been working tirelessly in the kitchen since the early morning trying to make sure everything was ready. Alex had spent the night at Kate's apartment where they were taking care of the desserts and sweets.

He was just about to pull the ham out of the oven when the door bell rang. He sprang out of the kitchen and answered the door without looking, honestly expecting that it would be Kate (who still thought that she had to ring the doorbell despite being told that she could just enter, especially when she had Alex with her). He was, therefore, mightily surprised to find Jim Beckett staring at him from the other side of the door. Jim was standing next to a beautiful woman, who looked to be about the same age as Jim. She had long brunette hair and a friendly face.

After he had gotten over his shock, Rick smiled widely. "Jim! It's good to see you again!" Rick said excitedly. He pulled the surprised older man into a hug.

After he pulled back, he looked at the woman. "You must be Elizabeth; it's nice to meet you." Rick stuck out his hand for the woman to shake. "Come in, come in. Kate and Alex aren't here yet, though they should be here any minute. My mother will be here too, though when she'll show up is anybody's guess."

Rick led the couple into the dining room where he offered them drinks.

After he declined, Jim said, "I'm a little surprised, Rick. I didn't think you'd be all that happy to see me."

Rick sobered a bit, then shrugged. "What happened wasn't your fault. Alex had a great time with you on his last visit, and I know he's looking forward to seeing you again today. Kate's making amends, and that's what matters most. And it's Thanksgiving.

"Now, why don't the two of you have a seat? I've got some things to finish in the kitchen."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Elizabeth asked.

"If you'd like to help bring in some of the dishes and such, that'd be great."

Between the three of them they managed to get several more things done before they heard the door open.

"Dad!"

Rick looked up with a grin on his face. "Bud! Did you beat her?"

"Yes!" Alex said with a smirk after giving his father a hug. "I am the cookie decorating champion!"

Rick laughed and looked at Kate, who was standing a bit away with several trays in her hands. He could tell that she was trying not to giggle. He stepped forward and took a few of the containers from her. "So, he beat you?"

"Of course he did," Kate said as she walked into the kitchen and set down one of the trays she still carried. "He's awesome. Granted, I'm out of practice, so maybe I'll get him next year."

Kate turned and stumbled right into her father. "Dad! I didn't know you were already here."

"Hey, Katie. Yeah, we've been here for a few minutes," Jim said as he gave his daughter a hug.

"Grandpa!" Alex said joyfully. "Are you going to play video games with me?"

"Alex," Rick warned.

"No, Rick, that's okay," Jim said with a smile. "Alex, if we have time after supper, I'd be glad to play some games with you."

Alex beamed and went back to looking sneakily at the cookies that were sitting on the kitchen island. Rick shook his head fondly. His son just loved cookies.

About a half hour later the group sat down at the table and began eating. The conversation was jovial as they all enjoyed the excellent meal. Kate sat next to Alex on one side of the table. She and Alex were talking animatedly about their cookie decorating competition while Rick, Jim, and Elizabeth listened.

"That was when she put the icing on my nose!" Alex said a bit petulantly.

"Well, you started it," Kate said, laughing.

"I did not!" Alex protested. "But I got you back, didn't I?"

Rick smirked at the mischievous smile on his son's face. He could just imagine what Alex had done to get Kate back for putting icing on his nose.

Kate huffed. "If you mean starting an icing and flour and sugar fight, then yes. My kitchen is a mess. And we each had to take another shower since we were both a mess."

Alex giggled. "But it was so much fun."

Rick's breath caught at the look of pure adoration that graced Kate's face. That look brought a big smile to his face too. His family was happy. That was all he could really ask for, and he was so thankful for it.

-:::-

December 23 2010

It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he couldn't really avoid it. Rick straightened his tie and looked in the mirror one last time before walking out of his bedroom and towards the main area of his loft. Alex was sitting on the couch with his grandmother giggling at the movie _Elf_. The movie was hilarious and was one of Alex's favorites to watch each year around Christmas.

"You guys going to be okay?"

Alex looked up over his shoulder and grinned. "Yeah, Dad. Grams said she's going to play the piano a little later and we'll sing some carols. Then we're going to play charades and have some hot chocolate."

"Well, you'll certainly have more fun than me," Rick said, ruffling his son's hair. "Thanks for coming over tonight, Mother. I appreciate that this is always a busy time of the year for you."

"Nonsense, darling. I wouldn't miss spending time with this one for the world," Martha said while giving Alex a fond smile. "Now go, or you'll be late and Gina will yell at you again."

"Yeah, I should go. You two have fun," Rick said sadly as he made his way to the door to grab his coat. He really didn't want to go to the Black Pawn Christmas Party. He'd much rather watch Will Ferrell try to add more maple syrup to his pasta.

-:::-

At least there was good booze, Rick thought sullenly. The party wasn't atrocious, but it just wasn't his scene. He hadn't ever really had the chance to party when he was in college, since he'd had a son to raise and studies to finish. There just wasn't time for him to go out, get drunk and be the stereotypical college student. Even after his son had gotten older, Rick had mostly stayed at home.

Rick took a sip of his drink and looked around the room. It was festive, to be sure, but it was also gaudy. There were many people he knew in attendance, including several authors that he 'competed' with, but there was no one he was really interested in talking to.

All he had to do was stick around for another half hour and he'd be able to slip back out. Maybe Alex would still be awake and they could watch another movie.

Rick was brought out of his wishful thinking by someone coming up to the bar and sitting next to him.

"You look like this is the last place you want to be," the woman said. She had bright red hair and beautiful blue eyes.

Rick snorted. "It's not really my type of party," he said.

"Well, maybe I can help you there," she said.

"Oh?"

The woman shrugged. "Maybe."

Rick looked the woman over. She was truly beautiful and the dress she was wearing accentuated her astounding figure. Deciding that he had nothing to lose, he put out his hand for her to shake. "My name is Rick."

The woman smiled and grasped his hand in a firm but delicate shake. "Meredith. It's nice to meet you, Rick."

-:::-

 **a.n.2. End of part 2.**

 **Let me know in the reviews what you really, really think. I can take it. I don't think I'm giving anything away by saying that I'm a Caskett shipper and I always will be. That's all I'll say for now.**

 **In the next chapter we come back after the holidays and discover some of what has happened between Rick and Meredith, we see some more Kate and Alex bonding, and coming up soon, we'll see Espo and Ryan for the first time. Oh, and Lanie meets Alex.**


	28. Poll AN

Hey guys. This is not a new chapter.

Sad face.

After the cliffy on the last one, I had a plan. But the reviews have made me rethink some things, so I'm redoing the plan, which is taking some time. In the mean time, I've posted a poll on my profile regarding this story. If you could make your opinion known there or in a review on this chapter, I'd be grateful. I have ideas no matter what the outcome of the poll is, but I'd like some idea of where _you_ want the story to go. The poll question is: Should Meredith stick around?

Either way, there will be a new chapter next week. After that the update schedule will be every two weeks simply because I'm participating in two different writing challenges (Quantum Bang and NaNoWriMo) so I'll not have as much time to focus on this one. Have no fear, this story will be finished.

Thank you all so much for enjoying this story. Your help with the poll will help me decide where we go with this story next.


	29. Chapter 28

**a.n. Wow! So many great ideas and opinions. Thanks to everyone who either answered the poll or left a review on the last 'chapter'. I did not get a chance to individually respond to everyone, so I'll just give a big THANK YOU here, and beg for your forgiveness.**

 **So what I've decided to do is...well, you'll see. It won't make everyone happy (esp. a few of the guest reviewers), but I think this is the best course of action considering the overwhelming response to Meredith's inclusion in the story. It is also completely different than what I had originally planned for. So, as they say, we're in uncharted waters from here on out, folks, so hold on to your butts.**

 **Also, just a warning here. I've upped the rating for this story from K+ to T for extreme violence.**

 **Thanks to Her Pegship for editing this, as this one was a mess. You** **should** **definitely go and check her stuff out here on Ffnet where she's simply Pegship.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

December 31 2010

Rick Rodgers had enjoyed his very brief entry into the dating pool. Meredith had been fun and quirky, and they'd had fun together for the single date that they'd went on. She wasn't really the type of woman that he would have normally gone for, but it had been... fun. At least, it had been fun until the end of the date. When he had kissed her at the door to her hotel room (she'd only been in New York for the party, hoping for a part in a movie based on a Black Pawn novel), he had felt nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

So he had parted ways with her and had gone back home, feeling odd. Since that evening, he'd spent some time contemplating of _why_ he'd felt nothing. Sure, she wasn't his "normal" type of woman. She wasn't sophisticated, she wasn't the most intelligent woman he'd met, she wasn't even the most beautiful (though she was very pretty). In the end, he had come to one stunning conclusion. And it scared the crap out of him.

He had felt nothing because she wasn't the woman he wanted to kiss. She wasn't Kate. He'd figured this out when he was watching Kate laugh with Alex on New Year's Eve, when she had stopped by to spend time with their son before going to the precinct for her evening shift.

When Rick had first thought through his feelings, he was shocked. He would be the first to admit that he'd never really gotten over his first love. Despite what he told others, he could have dated more in the last ten years even while raising a young boy. But he hadn't - because whenever he did, he inevitably compared those women to Kate, and in every single instance, they all came up short. This had been frustrating him for years, of course. Now that Kate was back in his life, it seemed that it was even harder for him.

When Kate came back into their lives in November 2009, he had been a little nervous because he knew that there couldn't be anything between them again. He _knew_ that. He didn't trust her, and as much as he might have still cared for her at that time, trust was everything to him. But his heart apparently hadn't listened.

Now he was screwed. And not in the good way. The only thing he could do was ignore his feelings for his best friend (because of course she had regained the "top friend" spot in his life) and try his hardest to move on. Rick was the son of a world renowned actress. Faking it would be no problem. None whatsoever.

-:::-

January 1 2011

Kate Beckett was used to working on holidays, though admittedly she usually had New Year's Day off; she usually volunteered for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve, but this year she'd taken the first two off to spend with her family. New Year's Day was usually fairly slow for the NYPD homicide division. The night before was usually all-hands-on-deck, as there were just so many people out and about, so everyone worked at either crowd control or crisis response.

Kate was sitting at her desk, wading through her paperwork and thinking about how much she and Alex had enjoyed making cookies together for Christmas, when her phone rang.

A couple of hours later she and her team were working through the evidence for yet another murder. Kate, Esposito and Ryan were canvassing the neighborhood around the crime scene, all looking for the one person who might have seen something that could lead them to their killer. It was standard procedure on every case, and they almost always did this as a team. While Kate was the senior officer, all three had joined the NYPD within a few months of each other, so she didn't often pass on the jobs that she found onerous.

"Thank you, sir," Kate said with a small smile, thanking a man for answering her questions. She looked down the hall where Espo was shamelessly flirting with a woman instead of questioning her about their case. She didn't see Ryan, so she presumed he had gone around the corner to knock on doors on the other part of the floor. That presumption was well founded as a few moments later she felt her blood run cold when she heard a gun shot. Then another. And another.

By the second shot, she and Espo were already running towards the sound, both with their service pieces at the ready. When Kate rounded the corner, her heart jumped into her throat when she saw Ryan pressing his hand into his side, obviously wounded and trying to slow the bleeding. His other hand was still aiming his service weapon towards the open door of an apartment. If she had been able to think beyond the need to help her partner, Kate would have been amazed at the look of sheer determination on Ryan's face.

Kate skidded into the fray and took cover near the opposite side of the door from Ryan. "Situation," she ordered in a quiet voice, absently noticing Espo kneeling behind her.

"One perp," Ryan said through gritted teeth. "Semi-automatic weapon, though. Not sure if there are others in there or not. He's behind the couch. I think I got him, but not sure."

"Espo," Kate hissed, "go outside and around the building. The only other way out is the fire escape. Stay there, and send word when you're in place. Call for backup on your way. Per protocol, we stay in formation until backup arrives. Let them know we'll need a bus. Ryan looks like he'll need it."

"I'm fine," Ryan said softly but indignantly.

Kate rolled her eyes and refocused on the door. Thankfully, it looked like Ryan's wound was just a graze, though she knew from experience that not only did grazes hurt like a bitch but they could also bleed a lot. That being said, it didn't mean she wasn't exasperated at his machismo.

Everything was silent within the apartment they were watching. Kate considered that both good and bad. Either their suspect was down, bleeding out (and they were doing nothing about it), or worse, their suspect was up to no good and they weren't aware of it. Kate felt her phone buzz, which meant that Esposito was in position and that backup was on its way. She didn't really want to wait for backup, but she would not risk her career - or Ryan's life - to go against that protocol. Not if it meant keeping her team safe. She was just about to mention to Ryan that backup was on its way when she heard the sound of feet pounding on metal, a sure sign that their suspect was trying to make his getaway by using the building's fire escape.

"Shit," Kate cursed. She looked at Ryan, who despite his determination was showing signs of blood loss. "Kevin, stay here. I'm going after him. Keep pressure on that wound."

"But..."

"That's an order. Stay here." Kate didn't stick around to see if he was going to listen to her. She flung herself through the door, making sure to keep a low profile while she looked left and right into the apartment to make sure there weren't anymore hostiles hiding. She didn't see any, so she continued further into the room. She rushed towards the window then leaned out to see whether she had a clear visual on the suspect.

No one. There was no one on the fire escape. Kate cursed again, then spun on her heels so she could search the apartment properly. Protocol be damned, their suspect was getting away. She could feel it. Before she made it more than a few steps away from the window, she found the man who had been shooting at Ryan.

Unfortunately for Kate, she was just a tad bit too late.

-:::-

Rick and Alex were laughing uproariously as they slammed their fingers on the controller buttons. "I can't believe you made that jump, Dad," Alex said, giggling.

"Hey, there's no reason why Tony Hawk needs to follow the rules of physics," Rick said. They had just reached the end of a level when Rick's phone rang. Before he let Alex start up the next map, he grabbed his phone and answered.

"Hello?"

"Rick?"

Rick's eyebrows rose. "Jim? What's wrong?"

He could tell by the older man's voice that something was seriously wrong.

"It's Katie. She's been shot. I...I thought I'd call so you could let Alex know."

"Jim, is she...is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know. She was just taken into surgery."

"What hospital? We'll be there as soon as we can."

"Rick..."

"It'll be for the best if we're there, Jim. Kate is family."

Jim was silent for a few moments before he gave in and told Rick the hospital. Rick thanked the man and then ended the call. He was shocked to discover that his hands were shaking and his eyes were wet. His stomach was in his throat as he turned to his son, who was looking at him with wide worried eyes.

"Dad? Is something wrong with Mom?"

Rick nodded. "She was shot earlier today. Run up and get your DS so you have something to do in the waiting room, then come back down and get your shoes on. We'll go wait with your grandpa so he has some support. They just took your mom into surgery."

"I-is she gonna be okay?"

Rick pulled his son into a quick hug. "Your mom is the strongest person I know. I'm sure she's going to be just fine. Now go get your stuff, and we'll go make sure."

Alex nodded against Rick's shoulder then pulled away and rushed up the stairs. Rick watched for a moment before he made his way into his office to grab his wallet, muttering under his breath.

"You better not make me a liar, Kate Beckett, or I'll never forgive you."

-:::-

 **a.n.2. I know it's short, but what comes next deserves to be started in its own chapter. Please review if you like the way I'm going.** **I know the Kate!Whump is probably going to be a little** **cliché** **for some people. Even with this turn of events, the romance isn't going to be instananeous. Rick is still going to resist as much as possible.** **Love hearing from everyone!**

 **Next, we get updated on Kate's and Ryan's condition.**


	30. Chapter 29

**a.n. Here's the next one. Remember that updating is going to be every other week for a while.**

 **This chapter picks up from the middle of last chapter, specifically we pick up from where we left Kate, who seemed to be in a tad bit of trouble. We'll continue on from there. There is a lot of exposition in this chapter, so we don't get very far in terms of plot progression and dialogue, but Rick's thoughts are changing so we need to explore that, especially how those thoughts and feelings are affected by Kate's injury.**

 **If you're able to read this, it's only because Her Pegship has made it readable. You should thank her by going to check out her stuff.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. Also, I still have not watched season 8. Those two things have little to do with each other, but I thought I'd share. See mom, I'm a sharer!**

 **-:::-**

 _Previously…_

 _She was just about to mention to Ryan that backup was on its way when she heard the sound of feet pounding on metal, a sure sign that their suspect was trying to make his getaway by using the building's fire escape._

" _Shit," Kate cursed. She looked at Ryan, who despite his determination was showing signs of blood loss. "Kevin, stay here. I'm going after him. Keep pressure on that wound."_

" _But..."_

" _That's an order. Stay here." Kate didn't stick around to see if he was going to listen to her. She flung herself through the door, making sure to keep a low profile while she looked left and right into the apartment to make sure there weren't anymore hostiles hiding. She didn't see any, so she continued further into the room. She rushed towards the window then leaned out to see whether she had a clear visual on the suspect._

 _No one. There was no one on the fire escape. Kate cursed again, then spun on her heels so she could search the apartment properly. Protocol be damned, their suspect was getting away. She could feel it. Before she made it more than a few steps away from the window, she found the man who had been shooting at Ryan._

 _Unfortunately for Kate, she was just a tad bit too late._

-:::-

January 1 2011 (continued)

Kate spotted the gun in the man's hand, so she brought her sidearm up while simultaneously throwing herself to the side. Unfortunately, she was too late as the man was already firing his weapon. She felt the first slug hit her in the right shoulder as she finally hit the floor. Kate grunted in pain and tried to raise her gun up to get a shot of her own off, but she was having problems with her right arm.

Kate's eyes widened when she felt another bullet hit her, this time entering her abdomen. She watched through watering eyes as the man approached her and took careful aim, pointing the gun directly at her head.

Her last thoughts were of Alex and how much she loved him, and how terrible sorry she was that she wasn't going to be there as he continued to grow up. Kate squeezed her eyes shut, and grimaced when she heard the gun discharge once more. She was surprised when nothing immediate happened. Kate opened her eyes, squinting through the pain that seemed to be flowing through her, and found that the man who had been about to kill her was clutching a gaping wound in his chest.

The last thing she saw before she lost consciousness was Kevin Ryan leaning heavily on the couch, still pointing his gun at the suspect who had just fallen to the ground beside her.

-:::-

Elizabeth Beckett was sitting in her office working on a case when her husband barged though her door. Seeing Jim in her office wasn't unusual, as they worked in the same firm now (she'd just transferred to his law office the previous year), but it was unusual for him to burst in unannounced. She was even more worried about this occurrence when he noticed that his face was pasty white and he seemed to be stumbling.

"Jim?" Elizabeth asked worriedly.

"K-Katie...she..."

Elizabeth stood up from behind her desk and rushed to her husband's side. She was even more alarmed when he collapsed into her arms and started to sob. Her thoughts swirled, and she came to the frightening conclusion that Kate had been killed.

"Jim? What happened?"

She felt him take a deep breath before he choked out, "She was shot. She..."

"Is she still..."

Jim nodded, "But..."

"If she's still alive, that's what matters, Jim. She's a strong girl, she's a fighter. Now, let's get to the hospital. That's where you need to be."

Jim nodded again against her shoulder before he straightened himself up and ran a hand over his face. "What…God, Beth, what if she…"

Elizabeth wrapped her arms around him once more and held on tightly. "She's going to be okay, Jim, you have to believe that. And I'll be right here beside you as we wait for her to come back to you. Okay?"

Jim sniffled but nodded shakily. Elizabeth could tell that he was still scared out of his mind, and to be honest, so was she. She may not have been very close to her step-daughter, but she knew that if anything happened to Jim's little girl, her husband would never be the same.

-:::-

For whatever reason, hospitals were all the same. The decor differed, but almost universally they were laid out exactly the same. They also all had the same smell and the same blinding fluorescent lights that tended to be just a little too bright. Rick led Alex by the hand into the entrance of the ER, where they soon located Jim and his wife sitting in an overcrowded waiting room.

"Jim, any news?" Rick asked as he and his son walked over.

Jim looked up. Rick noticed that the older man had tears running down his cheeks and that his eyes were bloodshot. Rick's stomach dropped to the floor.

"Jim?" Rick repeated.

"She's still in surgery as far as we know," Elizabeth said when Jim was unable to answer. Rick breathed in a small sigh of relief. If she was still in surgery, she still had a chance. Kate Beckett had always been a fighter.

Rick gripped his son's shoulder and led the young boy to a chair next to his grandfather. Jim immediately put an arm around his grandson and pulled Alex in for a strong hug. Rick was grateful that the older man seemed at least to be pulling it together for Alex, who had his own tears running down his cheeks.

"Do we know how this happened?" Rick asked, looking at Elizabeth.

"According to...what's his name?" Elizabeth scrunched up her nose in thought, then said, "Ah, yes, Esposito. According to him, he, Kate and their other partner… Ryan? Ryan made their way to a murder scene this morning. While they were asking questions of the neighbors, one of them opened fire on Ryan, wounding him. All we were told was that the suspect got the drop on Kate after that and shot her twice. Ryan was apparently able to shoot the man before he ...well, before he was able to shoot Kate again."

Rick grimaced. He knew Elizabeth was downplaying that last bit. No doubt that if Ryan hadn't been there, Kate would certainly have been killed. His stomach twisted at that thought, so he shoved it aside. She wasn't going to die. She couldn't.

-:::-

January 3 2011

Rick Rodgers sat beside Kate's bed, watching as his son read a book out loud. He and Alex had visited for several hours the day before, just keeping Kate's unconscious form company and allowing Elizabeth and Jim time to eat and sleep.

Kate's surgery had been a success, though the doctor had said that she was very lucky. The biggest problem had apparently been blood loss. That problem had been made worse because the hospital didn't have the correct type of blood for Kate, who apparently had one one of the rarest blood types. In the end they had been able to obtain some blood from another hospital, but the delay had almost cost Kate her life.

The doctors were keeping Kate in a coma to allow her body to heal, but that was supposed to change in the next few hours when they would finally wake her up.

-:::-

Rick had made several discoveries over the course of the last two days. First, his initial realization about his feelings for Kate Beckett had been spot on. He was in love with her. It had been sobering to realize that apparently it was his lot in life to love only one woman for eternity. Even after her abandonment of him and their son – which had then led to a ten year absence – he still had these feelings for her.

The other realization was that he was absolutely terrified of her job. When at age 19 she had announced her intentions to become a cop, he hadn't really thought much about it. If the situation had been normal, Rick was sure that he would have supported her, whatever her decision had been. He had never been as attached to Stanford as she had been, and had in fact only chosen that school because Kate had wanted to go there so badly. He'd have been fine staying in New York while she attended college and then the academy.

Of course, her pregnancy had changed his outlook on everything. He couldn't worry about supporting her, because she was hell bent on leaving him behind, and he had Alex to worry about. Now that they were friends again, Rick realized that her job was going to affect his life, and more important, it was going to affect Alex's life. Kate had reentered their world, and she had made promises about sticking around this time. That didn't just mean she promised not to run away. It also meant, Rick realized, that she promised not to die on them because of her terrible, terrifying profession.

The question was how to get Kate to realize that without making her angry. Rick knew that she was attached to the job, just as he knew why she wanted the job in the first place – those reasons hadn't changed. But if she was really going to be Alex's mother, and if Rick was going to even consider risking a romantic relationship with her – which was not even something Rick was certain he wanted – he was going to have to ask her to make changes.

Rick's realizations had struck him like a train. He didn't know how they could come back from this. Just watching as Alex slowly fell apart each time they saw Kate's damaged body was slowly killing him. Rick just knew that there was no way they could ever be put through this again.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. So obviously we're going in a new direction, and I think you can begin to see that in this chapter.**

 **Next chapter, Kate wakes up. At the end of season 3, she woke up and made a decision to shut everyone out. Will she do that again? And if so, how will that affect everything she's tried to build with Alex?**

 **Reviews are amazing, and everyone who leaves one is just awesome. So leave a review. I read every single one, and they often give me new ideas for the story.**


	31. Chapter 30

**a.n. This chapter is a little bit of an odd duck. It has flashbacks and dream sequences. Both are in italics, but I think I've done a good job of labeling them.**

 **I'm grateful for all those of you who have remained with this story throughout this delay. This story is not abandoned nor will it be. Updates may be sporadic until the end of March as I'm participating in a couple writing competitions that are kicking my bum right now.**

 **Thanks to Her Pegship who is my beta. She's amazing and is the sole reason why my words are actually readable. Check out her stuff.**

 **Chapter Warning: Mentions and consideration and arguments about abortion. Please keep the political BS out of the comments.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. Anyone else refusing to watch** _ **The Rookie**_ **because it's** _ **not**_ **Castle?**

 **-:::-**

January 3 2011

Rick watched as Alex held his mom's hand. The doctors had just been into the room to remove the drugs that were keeping Kate in a coma, and they expected her to wake up in the next couple hours. Rick turned his attention to the man who had just walked into the room a few moments earlier and who was even now just staring at Kate with a neutral expression on his face.

Javier Esposito was someone whom Rick had heard about, but had never met. During the times when Rick had gotten Kate to talk about her work, Esposito, or Espo as she had called him, had been mentioned several times, but Kate had never really told him much in the way of personal details. Rick was always looking for the story, and from the brief encounter in the waiting room two days prior, Rick knew there was some kind of story just waiting to be found.

- _Flashback-_

After Jim and Elizabeth had told Rick what had gone on, Rick and Alex had taken their seats. Rick didn't really have any experience with surgery, especially those surrounding gunshot wounds, but he could guess that if the wounds were severe enough the procedure would take quite some time. He wrapped an arm around Alex and pulled him close. The boy had been very silent since they had received Jim's phone call. In fact, Alex hadn't said anything at all since they had left the loft.

"You okay, buddy?" Rick asked.

Alex shook his head. "W-what if...what if she dies?" the little boy asked.

Rick sighed and pulled his son closer. "Your mother is very strong. She's also very stubborn. I doubt that she'll let something like this take her down. She's going to be around for a long time. She's going to be there to see you play your next soccer game. Your mom will be there for every moment from now on, even those you wish she weren't there for, like that time when you come home drunk after your high school graduation party."

"Dad."

"Okay, maybe that was my experience. But then your grandmother has always been very good at being there for those most embarrassing moments of my life. I'm sure your mother will be the exact same."

Alex just nodded. Rick watched as his boy looked around the waiting room. He was startled when Alex pulled away from him and walked a few chairs down to where Jim sat. Alex climbed up into the chair next to his grandfather and cuddled into the old man's side. Jim pulled his head out of his hands where they had been resting and looked at the little boy at his side. With a small smile, Jim pulled Alex into an embrace, which made Rick very happy. It was so nice for his son to have his grandfather in his life.

The four of them sat quietly for the next fifteen minutes or so. Alex spent his time keeping Jim company while Rick and Elizabeth just kept silent vigil, waiting for news.

Rick didn't notice a newcomer at first, so he was fairly surprised when a large Latino man walked up and sat down in a chair across from them. The man had an odd expression on his face and was staring pointedly at Alex.

"Uh, Mr. Beckett, who is that?" the man asked.

Jim's head snapped towards the voice and his eyes widened. "Javier, I didn't see you come back in."

"Yeah, I was checking on Ryan. He only needed a transfusion and a few stitches. He's in a room down the hall."

"That's good. I'm glad he's okay. Once...once we've heard from a doctor here, I'll go see him. I'd like to thank him for what he did for Katie."

Esposito just remained silent after giving a nod. His gaze then returned to Alex. "Is that your nephew or someone?"

Rick watched as the older man's cheeks flushed a bit. "Uh, no. Actually, this is Alex Rodgers. He's...well, he's Katie's son."

Silence reigned for a moment before Esposito said, "But Beckett doesn't have a son."

Alex squirmed; Jim looked down at the boy but didn't pull his arm from around his shoulders. "She does, actually. It's really her story to tell, but she does indeed have a son and has had for eleven years."

"Why haven't we seen him before?" Esposito asked.

Rick decided that he should jump in here. There was no reason for Jim to have to be interrogated by Kate's coworkers. When she was better she could explain to her friends why Alex hadn't been around. "Kate's a very private person, so it's not surprising that she hasn't told a lot of people about him."

The detective's eyes focused on Rick. "And who are you?"

"I'm Rick Rodgers, Alex's dad."

"His dad. Does that mean you and Kate are married? I didn't know she had a husband."

"Uh, no - we're not together. We haven't been for a long time."

"I see."

Before the conversation could continue, a doctor came out from behind the double doors and called out "Beckett family," causing them all to look towards him.

- _End Flashback-_

Rick hadn't had much more contact with the Latino detective over the last two days, though the man had been around a few times to check on Kate. Every time he had shown up he had just nodded at Rick and then proceeded to ignore him.

Richard wasn't sure why Kate hadn't told her colleague about Alex. He did know that finding out about Alex in this situation hadn't been the ideal scenario. It would be interesting to find out what the story was there. The situation gave Rick something else to think about besides his confused feelings for Kate Beckett and the future that was sure to hold a lot of surprises.

-:::-

- _Dream Sequence-_

 _This couldn't be happening. Her mother was dead and she was pregnant and engaged. It felt completely wrong for her to have a future when her mother no longer had one. Mother. That was such a terrifying word now._

 _When she had told Ricky that they were going to be parents, she had been excited. Sure they were young, and were only just starting college, but they could do anything together. They always had. And she knew that he was the one that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, just as she knew that he felt the same way about her. Who cared if they started their family a few years early?_

 _But then her mom died and her world crashed around her. How could she be a mother to her own child when she no longer had a mother of her own?_

 _The answer was obvious to Kate. She couldn't be a mother. It seemed that abortion was the only option for her. It would be kinder to the baby than to have a mother like her._

 _Ricky was going to hate her, though. It had been two weeks since her mom's death, and he'd been there for her around the clock. He had sat with her through the funeral and the reception afterwards. He had held her when she first found her father passed out on the couch surrounded by bottles of whiskey. Rick had been perfect. She loved him so much. He was such a good man. More than she deserved._

 _This was going to break them. But she couldn't change it. She couldn't be a mother, and find the person who had taken her own mother away from her, at the same time. She couldn't be a wife either, so maybe it was for the best._

 _Now she just had to make Ricky see that._

 _-:::-_

" _Can you repeat that," Rick said in a dangerous voice. Kate flinched back._

" _I-I talked with my doctor about getting an abortion, Rick. I...I can't be a mother. I can't," she sobbed._

" _Kate...I know it's rough right now, but you can't seriously be considering this."_

 _Kate shook her head. "I've already decided. I'm sorry."_

 _Rick looked incredulous. "You're sorry? You're SORRY?! Kate, you're killing our child. This is a life we created. You can't just wipe that away."_

" _Ric,k don't you see? My entire life is changing. My mom is dead. I have to find out who killed her. I can't be a mother when I'm going to be entering a dangerous profession. I can't be a mother, period. I'm 19 years old. I haven't even started college yet. Our plan was for my parents to help us with the baby, something they were happy to do, but we can't do that now. My mom is dead and my dad looks like he's trying to drown himself in Jack Daniels. How can we possibly raise a child?"_

" _I'll do it," Rick said, finally._

" _What do you mean? Rick haven't you been listening?"_

" _Yes. I have. I said that I will do it. I'll raise our child even if you won't be there." Rick held out his hand. "I'll take my ring back now, please. I can't be with someone who would do this." He said it calmly, but a small part of her shattered hearing him ask for her engagement ring back. This was it, the last part of her life. Over, before it even really began. Tears continued to flow down her cheeks as she watched one of her hands shakily pull the small diamond ring that she had been so excited to wear off her finger. She sadly dropped it into Rick's large hand and watched as he closed a fist around the ring._

" _Don't do anything stupid. I'll be around here for you throughout the pregnancy, but then I'll be done. I'll find out what we need to do legally to assign full custody to me."_

 _With that he walked out of her parent's apartment, never once looking back._

 _-End Dream Sequence-_

Kate slowly pulled herself away from her worst nightmare.

Slowly she opened her eyes, but it felt like her eyelids were glued to her cheeks. Then there was the pain that she was slowly becoming more and more aware of. Where was she? Why had she been dreaming of the worst moment of her life?

A sharp stab of pain caused her to grunt.

"Katie?"

She knew that voice. "Dad?" Was that really _her_ voice? It sounded like she'd eaten a frog. What the hell had happened?

"I'm here, Katie. Can...can you open your eyes?"

Kate tried. After fighting for what seemed like hours she did manage to open her eyes, but she slammed them shut again because it was so bright. It took her several more minutes before she could open her eyes and see her father, who was standing beside the bed she was lying on. Why was she in the hospital?

"W-where am I?" Kate groaned out. Her throat felt like it had been scrubbed with sandpaper.

Her dad stepped closer and took hold of her hand. "You're in the hospital. You were shot a few days ago."

Kate struggled to remember but was having a hard time getting her brain to focus. The only thing that came to mind was that she had missed her night out with Alex. She could feel the panic rising within her, causing the pain that she had been feeling moments before to fade into the background.

"Alex..." Kate whispered. "I...Dad, I missed my time with Alex."

Jim smiled. "Oh, Katie. Rick and Alex have been here almost non-stop over the last three days. In fact they should be here again in about an hour. Your boy and Rick left to get some food, but they'll be back."

Kate tried to blink away the tears that had appeared in her eyes, but couldn't. The panic that had flowed through her when she thought about missing her time with her son slowly faded. The pain that had been set aside came back full force and she squeezed her eyes shut, just hoping that the pain would go away.

"I'll call a nurse," her dad said, releasing her hand.

Kate pressed herself back into the bed and tried to shut out the pain. She needed to get herself together. She couldn't let Alex see her like this. She had to be strong. She fell asleep before the nurse came in, thinking of ways she could make up her time with her son.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. Mostly filler, I know, but Kate's injuries are important and her past decisions will also be something she dwells on a lot in the upcoming chapters.**

 **Up next, Kate and Esposito have a talk. Rick and Kate have an argument and Jim and Alex have a nice moment.**

 **Would love to hear what you think.**


	32. Chapter 31

**a.n. So sorry for the delay. Updates will continue to be sporadic for a while as I have two huge projects I'm working on in another fandom that are part of events that I'm participating in. Those should wrap up by the end of April. I will not and am not abandoning this story, I'm just really busy.**

 **I'm also sorry for not replying to the extraordinary number of awesome reviews for the last chapter. By the time I got to it, it was March, so I figured a huge THANK YOU here would have to suffice. So THANK YOU! I'm glad you are all still here more than a year after I started this story.**

 **Special thanks to Her Pegship for sticking this out and being an awesome beta. You should check her stuff out (I see she wrote a Rookie story so if you're into that go check it out!).**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. Obviously. Seriously, are there people out there that think I own Castle? If so, we need to sit down and have a talk. And I might recommend Dr. Phil because that person obviously has some serious issues.**

-:::-

January 3, 2011

"Mommy!" Kate heard as she slowly looked around the room. She'd been drifting in and out of sleep for the last hour, but slowly she'd started to remember what had happened to her. Kate opened her eyes and watched as Alex rushed into the room, Rick following not far behind.

"Hi, sweetheart," Kate rasped out.

Alex slowed a bit as he came up to the side of her bed. Kate tried to reach for his hand, but the IVs in her hand kept her from reaching too far. Alex reached out shakily and met her hand with his own. "Mom," he said in a small watery voice. "You're awake."

Kate sighed painfully. The pain in her son's voice hurt her so much more than the pain from the bullet wounds, which were dulled by the morphine that the nurse had administered earlier. "I'm awake, baby, I'm okay."

Alex had tears running down his cheeks, but he nodded as he clutched her hand tightly. Kate looked up to see Rick standing a few paces away from the bed. He had such a concerned look on his face, it made her heart flutter. He hadn't looked at her like that since they broke up all those years ago.

"How are you doing, Kate? Your dad said you were sleeping," Rick said softly.

"Sometimes," Kate answered back. She looked back down at Alex. "I'm sorry I missed our dinner, sweetheart."

Alex shook his head. "That's okay, mom. We'll have dinner when you get out of the hospital. You're going to be okay, right?"

"Oh, sweetie, of course I am. I'm just a bit banged up. I'll be good as new before you know it." Kate would not burden her son with the knowledge that she was likely to be out of commission for months. In the brief time since she had initially woken up, she had spoken to the doctors. She _was_ going to be just fine, but the doctors had warned her that her recovery was going to take quite some time. Kate already had a plan in her mind of how she was going to go about her recovery time, but she didn't think that Rick was going to like it.

Rick took one of the chairs beside the bed. Kate sighed and closed her eyes. It was nice having her family here. It made her feel a little safer. She squeezed her son's hand and took in a painful breath. No, she might not be whole, but having her son nearby made things just a little bit better.

-:::-

 **January 4, 2011**

Alex sat next to a man he didn't know in silence. He glanced at the man's face a few times, but each time he did all he saw was an expressionless face. Alex glanced around the room and watched his mom for a few minutes. She had been asleep for quite a while, and he was hungry, so his dad had gone out to get them something to eat. That had left Alex in the company of the detective that his mom worked with, Esposito. The man hadn't said anything to him at all, and in fact, looked almost uncomfortable at the whole situation.

"So..." Alex said, deciding that he was bored. "Do you play video games?"

He watched as Esposito looked down at him with wide eyes. "Uh, what?"

"Do you play any video games?"

"Sure. Madden and Halo."

"Oh, I'm pretty good at Madden. I always beat my dad. And I'm awesome at Halo, but Dad is better. Mom sucks at those games. Well...she kind of sucks at all video games, but don't tell her I said that."

For the first time, Esposito smiled. "Your mom plays video games with you?"

"Sure," Alex said with a shrug. "She's not very good, but she's getting better. It's nice to spend time together."

"You do that a lot?" Esposito asked. "Spend time together, I mean."

Alex nodded. "At least once a week for the last year or so."

There was a small silence. The detective seemed to struggle, as if he wanted to say something but didn't know how. His mom did that sometimes when she ran into a situation she didn't understand.

"Why just for the last year?" Esposito asked finally, looking away from Alex.

"We just met a year ago at Halloween."

Esposito stood up suddenly, and Alex thought that he was going to storm off. His face was red and he wore a scowl.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked.

For a moment, Esposito said nothing, but then he stopped in front of Alex. Before he could speak, another voice filled the room.

"It was my fault, Esposito."

-:::-

Kate had been surprised when she had opened her eyes to find Esposito sitting next to her son, and she had been amused that her son had been able to draw the burly detective into a discussion about video games. It had taken a sudden turn when Esposito started to ask questions. This was why she hadn't introduced her two co-workers to her son. She had known that Esposito wouldn't take the news well.

Kate had known Javier Esposito for six years, ever since he had joined the 12th Precinct as an officer in Homicide just after she had taken the Detective's exam. By the time she had been promoted to Detective third grade in 2006, they had become friends and had learned to trust each other with their personal histories. It was during this time that she had learned that Espo's mother had abandoned him at a young age. With his father being an abusive prick, Espo had basically raised himself, eventually joining the Army in order to get away. Whenever a case came up that involved either an abusive parent or an absentee parent, Espo was always extra sensitive and often responded to those situations with anger.

So when the Latino detective had started this conversation, Kate knew that it wasn't going to end well.

"It was my fault, Esposito."

She watched as Esposito spun around.

"Beckett..."

"I was pregnant when my mom died," Kate said softly. "I was engaged to Rick when we found out, and everything was going to be great. Mom and Dad had agreed to help us with the baby, and we were still going to try to go to Stanford. We had this whole stupid plan, and it probably would have ended up in both of us coming here to New York for college, but it didn't matter because I was so in love with Rick, and I was so happy that I was going to have a baby even though I was really young. But then Mom died, and it all changed. I changed, and then I made the biggest mistake of my life. I walked away. I walked away from the man I'm still in love with to this day, but more important was the fact that I walked away from my baby.

"On Halloween before last, I got my second chance when Alex and Rick rang my doorbell and shouted Trick or Treat, and I've been working every moment since then to make up for walking away. I'll never forgive myself for what I did, for being absent for the first ten years of his life." She was crying now, but she didn't care. "I will never forgive myself for walking away from my family."

Esposito looked uncomfortable, but Kate didn't care. She only had eyes for the man who had walked into the room holding a white plastic bag and who was looking at her with a shocked expression on his face.

"Rick..."

-:::-

Rick stood still, staring at the woman lying in the hospital bed like he had never seen her before. The food in his hand was forgotten as his mind scrambled to come up with a coherent thought.

She loved him? Still? What did that even mean?

Kate saying his name didn't really register, but Alex coming to stand by his side did. He looked down at his son who was...grinning at him? Deciding that he didn't want to know what his boy thought was so funny, Rick moved further into the room. He looked at Esposito and almost laughed. Rick had never seen anyone look so uncomfortable in his life.

"Thank you, Javier, for looking after Alex," Rick said, deciding that the best course of action was to just not talk about what Kate had said, at least for now. He might have been coming to terms with his own reemerging feelings for Kate Beckett, but he wasn't really ready for those feelings to be returned. It was all just entirely too confusing.

"Uh, right, okay..." Espo replied. "Beckett, feel better, I guess."

With that, Esposito made to leave the room, but before he did, he stopped and looked down at Alex, who was still standing beside his father. "Maybe we can play some Halo together some time, kid. I'm sure I could give you a challenge."

Alex grinned at his new friend and nodded. "That sounds great!"

After Esposito left, Rick busied himself with setting up the food he had brought. He was not looking at Kate. He wouldn't. He could almost feel her eyes on him, but he was just not prepared to have any sort of discussion about feelings with her at the moment. Rick wasn't sure when that moment would come, but frankly, he was quite happy to put it off for as long as possible.

Alex was also looking at Rick expectantly, which Rick didn't know what to do about. Surely his son wasn't really hoping for some grand romance now between his two estranged parents? Rick paused for a moment as he was laying out the cartons of food and closed his eyes. Of course, Alex was hoping that he and Kate would work it out and be together. How many times had Rick begged and dreamed for a reunion between his own father and mother when he was younger? Countless times, to be sure. It wasn't even that surprising that Alex would desire such a thing.

Rick wasn't ready for it, though. He had only just gotten to the point where he could admit to himself that he might still have feelings for the mother of his child. Rick wasn't ready to admit that to anyone else. There was just too much going on, and too much to lose to even think about starting something now, no matter what Kate felt and no matter what Alex wanted.

After dinner, he could no longer avoid having a conversation with Kate. Alex had fallen asleep on the couch, which had left Rick and Kate in an awkward silence. With the hope that he could just move past her earlier declaration, Rick decided that he would try to control the conversation.

"So, when do the doctors think you'll be ready to be discharged?" Rick asked.

"It will still be at least a week," Kate replied. "Rick..."

"Where are you going to stay when you get let out?" he asked, interrupting her.

"I..." Kate looked away from him. "I think I'm going to go up to my dad's cabin. I'm going to be laid up for four or five months. Dad and Elizabeth have already agreed that I can use the cabin."

"Who's going to be with you up there, Kate?" Rick asked, looking at her worriedly.

"I'll be fine."

Rick scowled. "And what about Alex? He'll expect to see you. Probably at least once a week if not more. I'm actually sure he's going to be a bit clingy. He's been so scared, Kate. I know he's been having nightmares about it. You can't just run away to your dad's cabin and ignore your son for the next five months."

"I'm not going to ignore him," Kate snapped. "You can bring him up to see me, and maybe he can stay up there with me for a few weeks once I get my legs back underneath me."

"Kate, you're not being realistic. It's the middle of winter. Alex has school and indoor soccer and his friends. He can't just pack up and go to the woods for a few weeks, even if I would let him be up there alone with you when you're laid up."

"Surely he can come up on a couple weekends, and we'll figure out the rest. Why are you so against this?"

Rick took a deep breath to keep from screaming at her. It had been a terrible few days and his emotions were all over the place. He couldn't believe that Kate was being so damn thick about this situation.

"I'm against it because Alex needs you. I know you're in for a tough few months, but you can't let that ruin the progress you've made. You can't abandon him again. Going up to your dad's cabin and just hoping for a few short visits isn't enough. Why can't you stay here in the city? Your dad has extra space at his house, and I know for a fact that he and Elizabeth would not only let you stay but that your dad would feel more comfortable if he could keep an eye on you."

"I'm not intruding on my father and his brand new marriage. The last thing he needs is me underfoot. I'll be fine up at the cabin. You and I can work something out with Alex. It'll be fine."

Rick refrained from snarling as he stood up abruptly. He stalked over to the couch and picked up his son – who was quickly getting too big to pick up – and then turned and walked towards the exit.

"Rick!"

Rick paused and then looked back at the woman who, despite everything that had happened between them, could still apparently break his heart. "When you come to your senses, Kate, give me a call. I hope it doesn't take another 10 years."

-:::-

 **a.n.2. Well damn, that chapter was up and down, wasn't it? Don't worry about what comes next too much, all will be well, I promise.**

 **Next chapter, Kate does some soul searching and has an uncomfortable conversation with her father. Alex throws a temper tantrum and Rick has a conversation with his mother about feelings and such.** **Oh, and Lanie makes an appearance.**

 **Next update will likely not come until mid-April.**


	33. Chapter 32

**a.n. Here's the next chapter! I did manage to finally thank everyone for their reviews for the last chapter, but I will say it again, thanks for the reviews!**

 **Special thanks to Her Pegship who continues to be an awesome beta for this story. Check out her stuff here on ffnet, you won't be sorry.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

 **-:::-**

 **January 4 2011**

"Let me talk to her. I might be able to find out what is going on," Kate heard her dad say outside her door. She had spent the last hour throwing herself a pity party – not that she'd admit that to anyone else – and frankly she was still trying to pull herself out of it.

She'd made a mistake and she knew it. The only saving grace was that Alex had been asleep for her conversation with Rick and hadn't heard the terrible things she had said.

 _Oh, he can just come up to visit a couple times?_ What was she thinking? It had taken her a whole year of visits to burrow her way into her son's life. He trusted her and wanted to be with her and he was finally calling her mom. That would all be ruined if she just ran away – Rick's words, and he had been right – to the wild blue yonder simply because she didn't think she could be around people while she healed. Already she had made a nurse cry, and she'd only been in the hospital for a couple days. Kate knew herself pretty well, and she knew she didn't handle weakness with any grace at all. She couldn't imagine herself taking her anger and pain out on her son. So she had decided that she would just hide herself away until she had managed to heal enough to be pleasant enough around people.

But she couldn't do that. Kate knew that if she came back in five months and had only seen Alex one or two times that their relationship would be back to where it had been when she had first came back into his life in November 2009.

So the last thing she really needed was her father laying it on thick. He had never been shy to point out Kate's mistakes.

"How are you feeling, Katie?" Jim asked as he walked into the room. Kate glimpsed Elizabeth standing outside the room for a moment before her step-mother walked back towards the nurse's station.

"I'm okay, Dad," Kate said, not looking him in the eyes.

"I saw Rick on my way in. He didn't look that happy. Did the two of you have a fight?"

Kate just shook her head. She didn't want to talk about it.

Jim sighed. "Katie, did you tell him about your grand plan to go to the cabin for the next few months?"

Kate just grimaced. Damn her father anyways.

"I see. And I take it he didn't take it all that well?" Jim asked. When she didn't answer, Jim just shook his head. "I told you it was a bad idea."

"I know, Dad, I know. I just don't know how to fix it. I should have listened to you."

"Yes, you should. Always listen to your father," Jim said with a smug grin.

If she could move her arms without tremendous pain, she would have thrown a pillow at him. He had always been a little smug when he was right. Her mother had hated that about him.

"I don't know what to do, Dad," Kate said sadly.

"Well, the obvious solution is to come stay with Beth and me. We'll look after you and we won't cry like that poor nurse when you get snippy . And then Alex can pop in and out as much as he wants, and Beth and I will look after him while you can't. He can even stay with us every weekend if he wants. I've got loads of time off coming, so I can use that to look after you and spend some time with my grandson."

"I...I didn't want to be a burden," Kate said in a small voice.

"Oh, Katie, you're not a burden. You were shot. No one is strong enough to come back from that all by themselves, and when Rick calms down, he'll realize that you deserve some slack for being an idiot. Maybe he'll let you blame it on the morphine."

Kate giggled. "Fine, Dad, I'll stay with you."

"Good then. So, are you ready for some more meds? It looks like you're in quite a bit of pain."

Kate just nodded, which made Jim smile. He had always been good at working around his daughter's stubborn streak – at least when it came to some things. He was happy that particular talent hadn't gone away.

-:::-

"Why did we leave, Dad?" Alex asked.

Rick looked at his son who was sitting on a stool at the kitchen island. They had only been home for a few minutes, but already Rick was sure he had overreacted. He felt lucky that Alex had slept through the whole thing.

"Your mom was tired and you were sleeping so I decided we would just come home," Rick lied.

"Oh. Okay."

"Do you have any of your holiday break homework to finish before you go to bed tonight?"

"Yeah, and I'm going to do some drawing."

"Well, you go do that. We'll have some ice cream or something in a little while. I'm going to do some writing. Let me know if you need any help."

Rick watched his son dash off and then walked into his office. Flopping into his office chair, he stared absently at nothing. It had been a trying few days. Rick was sure that was why he had reacted so poorly with Kate earlier.

He knew he had a right to be mad that she wanted to spend so much time away. It just didn't feel right to him.

But he had, for a moment, forgotten who Kate Beckett was. She had never dealt with weakness or adversity well. The primary example of this was the aftermath of her mother's death. And now she had been shot, not once but twice. Surely she wasn't going to handle that well, and he should have known that.

She said she loved him. That was kind of a shocker, despite Rick's own re-developing feelings. At first, back when she had come back into their lives, Rick had thought that there was nothing between them anymore. And he had been equally sure that neither of them really wanted there to be anything there. How could he have been wrong? They had reinvented their friendship over the last year, and before her shooting, they had spent a lot of time together just for the sake of being in each other's company.

The dread and worry that Rick had felt when Jim had called him about Kate's shooting had been a real feeling. Sure, she was his friend again, best friend even, so it was normal for him to be worried about her when she got hurt. But the gut wrenching fear of "oh no, I can't live without her" wasn't something one normally felt for one's best friend.

Rick had only just come to the conclusion the day before that he might still be a little bit in love with Kate Beckett. Finding out that she loved him back should have made him feel all warm inside and make him want to kiss her senseless just like he used to do.

But it didn't. And that was as confusing as anything else.

Rick was brought out of his musings by the door to the loft opening. He glanced through his open office door and found his mother flouncing into the loft. Martha had lived with them for a while, and she had never really been one to knock. Rick was quite used to her coming and going whenever she felt like it.

"Richard, darling, how did it go at the hospital?"

Rick narrowed his eyes. He knew that tone. His mother knew something. Which could only mean that she had either gone to see Kate herself (which was a possibility of course) or she had talked with Jim. She and the Becketts had been friends, so it wouldn't surprise Rick to find that Martha was rekindling her freindship with Jim.

"It went fine. We stayed until Alex fell asleep."

"So you didn't get into some sort of snit with Katherine?"

"Who told you that?" Rick asked. He didn't really want to talk about it with his mother. He knew that he had probably overreacted, but he also felt like he was justified in being a bit angry with Kate.

"Oh, I had the most fascinating call from Jim just a few minutes ago."

"Fine, yes, Kate and I got into a disagreement. She has this silly plan to hide away for the next six months up in the woods and I tried to explain why that was a bad idea."

Martha was silent for a moment before she asked, "And why does she think that's a good idea in the first place? Surely Jim has offered her space for her recuperation?"

"He did," Rick said with a nod. "And that's what I pointed out. Kate has never done well with showing weakness, so I think that's what's going on here. Admittedly I didn't handle it all that well. I forgot that when Kate Beckett has her mind set on something the worst thing to do is yell and scream at her."

"Ah, yes. She has always been a little stubborn," Martha said with a fond smile.

Rick snorted. "Right. I'll go back in tomorrow without Alex and see if I can talk some sense into her." Rick was silent for a moment again before he went on, "If she doesn't want to stay with Jim, she can always stay here."

"You want her to stay here?"

Rick shrugged. "I don't know. It would be interesting, but it would be better than her running off to a cabin 500 miles away and then expecting me to bring Alex back and forth several times a month. I'm not sure we're really ready to stay in the same place for months on end, but again, it'd be better than her ruining her relationship with Alex that she has fought so hard for."

"I don't think you're going to have to work that hard to convince her to stay in the city. Jim said he had talked to her."

"Well, that's good I guess," Rick replied with a sigh of relief. "Jim has always been the one who could cut through her stubbornness."

"Did you say anything terrible to her? Jim said she was pretty upset."

Rick groaned. "I told her she couldn't abandon Alex again."

"Oh, Richard."

"I know. I know. I'll apologize. But I was so angry. I think...no, I know...part of it is that she scared me, Mother. I want to say I'm removed enough to not care so much, but I do. I do care for her, even after everything, and her getting hurt scared me senseless."

Martha looked at him shrewdly. "You still love her."

It was a statement, but Rick nodded his head. There was no sense in denying it. He was in love, again or maybe still, with Kate Beckett. _Dammit._

He just didn't know what to do about it.

-:::-

 **January 5 2011**

"But I want to go!" Alex said with a stomp of his foot.

"Oh, buddy, I know you do. And if your mom is up to it, I'll bring you along this evening. For now, Gram is going to watch you so I can have a conversation with your mother."

"Why can't I come now?"

"Because, I'm going to have an adult conversation with your mom and it would embarrass you."

Alex was silent for a moment. The boy had been very upset when Rick had told him that he was going to go see Kate alone. The last twenty minutes had been nothing but a back and forth with some excellent examples of Alex being a normal 10 year old boy instead of the very mature young man he usually was. Now, Rick was on the other end of Alex's shrewd stare, which was disconcerting to say the least. 10 year olds should not know how to be shrewd. Hell, most 10 year olds probably didn't even know how to spell "shrewd".

"Are you going to kiss her?" Alex asked finally.

Rick's jaw dropped and he just stared back at his son. His mother, who had been very happy to just sit back and watch Alex's temper tantrum, laughed outright. Rick was too stunned to glare at her.

"What? It's pretty clear that you want to kiss her," Alex said.

"I don't want to kiss your mother," Rick said, a little too forcefully. Alex rolled his eyes – which made Rick curse Alex's Beckett genes.

"Well, why not?"

"What do you mean, why not?"

"You love her, don't you? At least you didn't deny it last night when you were talking to Gram."

"You heard that conversation?"

"Just the last bit. I mean I didn't hear you say that you loved mom, but you didn't say you didn't," Alex said.

Rick sighed. "Alex..."

"I just mean, Dad, that if you want to...you know...I wouldn't hate it. I mean it'd be kind of nice to have my mom and dad together," Alex said with a shrug. Rick closed his eyes.

"Buddy, I don't know what will happen between your mother and me. I promise, though, that both of us will always be here for you, okay? If that means she and I just stay friends, that's fine with me. It's all very complicated."

"Because of me, right?"

"Oh, bud, no. You're the simplest thing in our lives. We both love you so very much. Everything else is the complicated bit. Adults have a tendency to overthink things. Your mom and I will work it out." Rick stepped forward and hugged his boy tightly, dropping a kiss on his forehead.

-:::-

"Girl, how you doin'," Lanie asked as she bustled into Kate's hospital room.

"I'm fine, Lanie," Kate answered. She was attempting to eat some chocolate pudding, but wasn't having a good luck with her right arm immobilized. Her left hand, as it turned out, was not adept at handling eating utensils.

"I can see that," Lanie said, stepping closer and taking the spoon from Kate's trembling left hand. She scooped up a spoonful of chocolate pudding and brought the spoon to her friend's lips.

Kate closed her eyes and tried not to sob. This was what she had been reduced to. Her best girlfriend was going to literally spoon feed her. She opened her eyes and her mouth and took the offered helping of pudding.

After she swallowed, Kate asked Lanie, "So how's Ryan?"

"Kevin is fine. I'm more interested in how you're feeling."

"Groggy. They've got me on so many IVs and meds that I can't even name them all," Kate complained. "And they say it's going to get worse once I get released."

"And did they say when that'll be?"

"At least two weeks. They're worried about infection, or at least that's what the doctor told me. I think all doctors just like to inflict pain."

Lanie laughed and fed her friend another spoonful of pudding. "Yup, that's us doctors, just itching to torture people. So how did it go with your man?"

"Who?"

"Oh, come off it. Your boy was here almost the entire time you were in surgery, and he settled himself right here at your bedside as soon as you were given your own room. You can't tell me you didn't notice."

"No, he was here."

"And? I mean were there any grand confessions?"

Kate groaned. "Once I can move my right arm again, I'm going to murder Esposito. He blabbed, didn't he?"

"He may have said something about you still being in love with a certain mystery writer, yes. And you know that boy can't keep any secrets from me," Lanie said with a smirk.

"I don't need any details, Lanie."

"So? Even though you've told me all about your former relationship and how you're buidling a relationship with your son, you haven't told me if that means you and your baby's daddy are going to get back together. So spill, girl!"

Kate snorted. "I may have realized in the last day that I'm still a little bit in love with Rick, but that doesn't mean he and I are going to start a romance. I can't envision him ever risking loving me again. I hurt him too much, and while I think he's forgiven me for it, I don't think he'll ever be able to get past it."

"Oh, sweetie, I don't think you have to worry about that too much. I saw the way he was looking at you while you were still unconscious. No man looks at a friend like that man was looking at you."

Kate tried not to get her hopes up. She so wanted to believe what Lanie was saying, but in the end, she just couldn't. Kate wasn't a fool, and she wasn't stupid. She didn't think that Rick would ever allow himself to risk his heart on her again, and she couldn't blame him. After all, she'd had her chance.

"So, you and Espo are back together?"

"Nice change of subject."

"I thought so," Kate said cheekily before accepting another spoonful of pudding.

"We are back together, but he'll make me mad again and we'll be off again next week. He's a booty call and not much else."

"Your mother is going to be so disappointed."

"She can suck it," Lanie said with a mock snarl, causing Kate to laugh. Lanie and her mother had a very interesting relationship. Kate wouldn't call it contentious, but it wasn't of the fluffy and happy variety either. Loraine Parish wanted grandbabies, and Lanie was not receptive to her mother's arguments on that topic. Kate had been in the room for some of their phone conversations on the subject, and she always left those experiences with a few new swear words to add to her vocabulary.

Kate was about to say something else, but Lanie preempted her by sticking the last spoonful of pudding in Kate's mouth. Kate glared.

"I don't want any sarcastic comments about time running out or any of that bullshit. I get enough of that from her, I don't need it from my best friend too."

Kate swallowed. "Fine."

"Well, what about you?" Lanie asked. "If you got back together with Rick, you and he could give Alex a sibling. It's definitely not too late for you."

"Uhh… Am I interrupting anything?"

Kate looked up and paled. Rick Rodgers was standing in the doorway, staring at the two women with wide, unbelieving eyes.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. Wow, that was a long one.**

 **Next chapter we'll see the outcome of Lanie's slip about "little Castle babies." We get a really nice convo between Kate and Rick. Kate also leaves the hospital, and we get to see some interaction between Elizabeth Beckett and Alex. Oh. And we get a surprising and unwelcome guest that shows up at an inopportune time. Should be fun!**

 **Next update in early May.**


	34. Chapter 33

**a.n. Here we go. This is a really important chapter, so hold on tight.**

 **Her Pegship is an awesome human being, and a wonderful beta. Check out her writing here on ffnet, you won't be disappointed.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, and the should be obvious to everyone.**

-:::-

 **January 5, 2011**

Lanie had abandoned her, the little bitch. The woman had made her baby comment and then had skedaddled right out of the room, only sparing time to throw a sassy smirk over her shoulder. Kate was already planning suitable means of revenge that she'd enact just as soon as she could leave her bed.

Kate looked anywhere but at the man who was slowly making his way into her hospital room. Their last encounter had not gone well, and adding in Lanie's comment about future babies, Kate wasn't sure what to expect.

When she finally gathered enough courage to look at Rick, he'd taken a seat in the chair beside her bed. He was grinning at her, which she didn't expect. Why was he grinning?

"Rick, what's funny?"

Rick shook his head but didn't stop grinning at her. "Nothing. So how are you?"

"I'm fine," Kate said automatically. She was quite sick of people asking about how she as feeling. She had been shot – how did people think she was feeling? She hurt all over, her stomach was in almost constant pain from one bullet wound and her right shoulder was completely immobile thanks to another; she was on a diet of liquid foods for the foreseeable future because her stomach couldn't handle anything else, and worse, coffee was not included in those liquids that she was allowed.

And on top of that, her best girlfriend had just made a mess of one of Kate's most important relationships – not that she hadn't done a good job of that herself the day before.

"Of course you are," Rick said, the grin sliding off his face. "Look, Kate, I wanted to apologize about yesterday."

"You want to apologize?"

"Yeah. I was angry and I said things I shouldn't have. I'm just glad that Alex was asleep. If you're really set on going to your dad's cabin for the next few months, we'll go with you."

Kate's eyes widened. "You'll come with me? What about Alex's school, and soccer?"

"His mother was shot," Rick said with a shrug. "I'm pretty sure a leave of absence is in order if that's what you really want for him."

Kate was already shaking her head. "Rick, that's crazy. You were right yesterday. My plan was dumb. I've already talked to my dad. He's going to let me stay with him until I'm back on my feet. Alex can come over to his house as often as he wants, and my Dad said Alex could even stay over every weekend."

"Oh, good. That's good."

"I'm sorry too, you know. I shouldn't have even considered going up to the cabin. It was stupid, and you were right, I was planning on running away. It just seemed easier than staying here and being a terror to everyone I know for the next six months. I'm not the best patient at the best of times, and this has already been bad. I made another nurse cry this morning."

Rick laughed. "Kate, you've got to stop that."

"Well, she shouldn't have been so rough with that damn sponge. She was rubbing my skin off," Kate said snappishly, still miffed at the woman who had surely been giving her first sponge bath. Rick just laughed at her again.

"So," he said, his grin back on his face. "You want to have more of my babies, eh?"

Kate blushed. She had hoped that Rick was going to completely ignore the scene he had walked in on, but apparently, that wasn't going to happen. She said nothing, hoping that Rick would change the subject.

"Shut up," she said eventually. "Lanie doesn't know what she's talking about."

"Oh?"

"Rick..." Kate said warningly.

"What? I mean, I'm not opposed to the idea," Rick said, giving her a smile.

"I know that Lanie shouldn't…wait...what?"

Rick laughed. "I'm not opposed to the idea. I mean not right away, of course. I don't think we're quite there yet, but..."

"But..."

"You said something yesterday when you were talking to Javier. Did you mean it?"

-:::-

Rick didn't know where his courage was coming from. He had not planned on talking about their – surprisingly mutual – feelings. He hadn't thought himself ready. But then he'd heard Kate's friend ask about babies, and now here he was, asking Kate if she really loved him.

Just what the hell was he doing? He couldn't do this, not again! Kate Beckett had broken him once, she would do it again. A large part of Rick just knew that Kate would do it again. She'd hurt him and she'd hurt Alex and then there would be nothing left.

But he loved her. For the last few days, that one single fact had settled deep in his heart. He loved Kate Beckett and, truthfully, he probably had loved her since he was fourteen years old, if not longer than that.

And maybe it was okay to give her another chance. She had shown that she had become a better person than the 19-year-old girl who had abandoned her fiance and child. Kate had worked tirelessly for over a year to work herself not only back into their son's life but back into Rick's life as well. Maybe there could be something for them again.

Richard Rodgers had always been a dreamer, an optimist. He always tried to see the best in people, especially those he was closest to. And he always loved with his entire being. It was just who he was. It was the main reason why what Kate had done back in 1999 had been so devastating. To find out that she didn't love him as much as he had loved her had just been the end of his entire world. It was why taking this step seemed so insane. Rick knew that if he did this, he would love her fiercely once again and that she would once again hold the power to completely devastate him. He didn't think he could come back from that heartbreak a second time.

Rick watched as Kate blushed deeper and looked away. His stomach tightened with a burst of nerves. Maybe she hadn't meant it. Maybe she had just been talking about what she had felt for him back when they were together.

Just as he was about to say something to ease the awkward silence that had settled over them, Kate turned towards him with a determined glint in her eyes. "I did."

"Y-you did? You love me?"

Kate nodded. "I do." She looked away for a moment and wiped away a tear. "I think that I always have, really. I mean I had a fierce crush on you when I was like 10 years old. I can remember my mother laughing at me, but then she would sit me down and tell me a story about how you and I might just be meant to be together for the rest of our lives. When I was 14 and you asked me out, I was so happy, and I didn't even blink an eye when you proposed right after we graduated. I wanted to marry you so badly that it didn't matter to me that I'd always planned to wait until later in life to marry." Kate looked away, hiding the tears in her eyes, and then continued, "I'm so sorry that I ruined our chance, Rick, so damn sorry."

She continued to look away as she tried to control her emotions. Kate didn't want to cry in front of him, but she could feel herself losing the battle. She startled a bit when she felt Rick take her hand. He was standing at the side of her bed, smiling softly at her.

"You were such a cute teenager," he told her. "Even when you went through that terrible growth spurt and your legs were so much longer than the rest of you, you were cute. Your dad caught me staring at your butt just before I asked you out that summer, did you know that?"

Kate laughed. "No. Did he get angry?"

"No," Rick said, giving her hand a squeeze. "No, but it was mortifying because he ended up giving me The Talk."

"Oh, I think I know when that happened. You wouldn't look me in the eye for days."

"Well, can you blame me? Your dad put all these images in my mind and then told me that if I was going to be with you I'd have to be responsible and that if I ever hurt you, he'd bury me in his backyard."

Kate laughed again. "Is that what made you ask me out?" She watched as he blushed hard and looked away. He was smiling, though, and his eyes were distant as if he were remembering.

"No. No, what made me finally ask you was...You'll laugh."

"I'm sure I will," Kate said with a giggle.

"Kate..." Rick whined.

"Just tell me...I'm sure it's not that bad."

"Fine. That summer we spent that week apart. You went to that girl's camp up north and I stayed at home working my summer job, remember? Well, when you came home, Robbie Fenwick was out mowing his lawn. He flirted with you when you were unloading your bags."

Kate stared at him wide-eyed. She didn't honestly remember that instance, but Robbie, who had been her next-door neighbor, had always flirted with her. She had thought it flattering at the time. "You asked me out because Robbie Fenwick flirted with me?"

"Yes. I was unspeakably jealous. I almost walked over and punched him in the face, and I would have if your dad hadn't come out of your house and helped you with your bags."

Kate giggled which soon turned into full-blown laughter. She couldn't help it. Rick had never seemed to be the jealous type when they were together, though now that she thought back on it, there were times where he would glare at other boys.

"I told you that you would laugh," Rick said, pouting.

"It's very funny."

"Uh-huh." Rick sighed. "You hurt me, Kate. Honestly, I've never been the same after what you did. I've never moved on. I buried everything and focused on raising Alex and being the best father I could be. I mean I've dated, but only like three times in ten years. No one could ever measure up, because I always compared them to you, to what we had back when we were kids."

Rick looked away. "When you came back into our lives, I accepted it, for Alex. He deserves to know his mother, to have his mom in his life. But I didn't want to trust you. I did everything I could to make sure that if you hurt him, Alex would be okay. I did it for him. And I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't get involved with you again. I kept my distance and didn't even want to be your friend again."

Rick trailed off, hardly noticing the tears that were flowing down his cheeks. "But it happened anyway. Kate, you're my best friend once again. I still have days when I think that you're just going to go off and leave Alex and me again. I think that's why I responded so harshly to your plan to go to your dad's cabin. It felt like you were leaving me again, and that hurt.

"When your dad called me and told me about your shooting, my world stopped. It was then that I realized something." Rick looked down at her and noticed for the first time that she was crying freely. With his free hand, he cupped her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away her tears. "I realized that, despite everything, I'm still so desperately in love with you. It scares me, terrifies me really, but I can't seem to help what I feel."

-:::-

She wanted to leap out of her bed and wrap him in a hug, but she couldn't move. The pain in her stomach was tearing through her and her shoulder was killing her, but she didn't care. This beautiful man had just told her everything that she wanted to hear, everything that she feared she would never hear again, and she wanted to hold him.

Since Kate couldn't do what she wanted, she used her good arm to pull him closer. She leaned up and pressed their mouths together in a sloppy kiss. The spark that traveled between them was just like it always had been, and she had missed it so. No other man had ever made her feel like this. They kissed for several moments before Rick pulled away and pressed their foreheads together.

"I love you, Kate."

Kate smiled, tears still running down her cheeks. "I love you too, Ricky."

-:::-

 **a.n.2. Yeah, so that happened. Obviously, not everything that I said was going to happen actually made it into this chapter. Those things are still upcoming. There is still quite a bit more to this story that I want to tell, but we're not too far from the end.**

 **Next chapter, the fallout from this scene happens, Alex and Elizabeth Beckett have a moment, an unwelcome guest makes an appearance, and Kate leaves the hospital.**

 **Reviews make me happy.**


	35. Chapter 34

**a.n. We've turned the corner folks. If I had to guess, I'd say there are about six chapters left in this story (I'm not good at guessing, but we'll see). Thanks to everyone who reviewed this story. This chapter is a lot of filler, really. The confrontation I had planned did not work out, it just ended up being awkward...just wait and see.**

 **Huge thanks to Her Pegship who has been the most wonderful beta an author could ask for. She doesn't even make fun of me when I fail to spell completely correctly (all those e's in odd places). Check out her Castle writings on this site, you won't be disappointed.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

-:::-

 **January 7, 2011**

"Go fish," Kate said with a smirk, looking at her son, who was sitting at the end of her bed on the other side of the table that had been pulled over her lap.

Alex sighed and picked up a card from the pile that lay on the middle of the table.

"Do you have a seven?" Kate asked, when Alex denied making a catch.

Alex sighed again and handed over a card. Kate grinned. Her son was so much like her it made her smile. Like herself, he hated to lose. They were on their second game of Go Fish, and she had bested him the first time. He'd scowled and then insisted on playing again.

Kate hadn't minded. She was having fun and it beat just lying back and staring at the ceiling, waiting for the doctors to finally let her do something – which they weren't going to do for at least another week. Besides, she was spending time with Alex, and he was awesome even if he got a little violent with his cards every time she took another card from him or made him pick up a card from the pile. Rick had left her with Alex when he'd had to take a call from his publisher. Now that she had been awake for a few days, the doctors were scaling back a bit on the high powered pain relievers, so she was staying awake longer; that meant that she was often quite bored, so she hadn't had a problem watching Alex for whatever amount of time Rick was out of the room.

"Do you have a king?" Kate asked.

"Go fish!" Alex said with a smile.

Kate grinned herself and picked up a card from the pile. Her grin widened when she saw the card was a king of hearts. She showed Alex, and he groaned as he knew that meant it was still her turn and that she was another step closer to completing her fourth 'book'.

She was about to call out another request when there was a knock at the door. With a grin still on her face, Kate looked towards the doorway. Immediately her grin slid off her face. Will Sorenson was standing at the door to her hospital room with a bouquet of red roses in his hand.

-:::-

Rick put his phone back in his pocket and looked around. The conversation with Gina had not been a pleasant one, but then he'd hardly ever had any good conversations with that woman. No matter how many chapters he delivered, how many book signings he agreed to do, it was never enough. She had never been a fan of his, simply because he wouldn't play ball with Black Pawn's plan to make him some arrogant playboy. Gina also hated the fact that he refused to do long trips out of town, which curtailed all of her plans for book tours around the country and abroad. This time Gina wanted him to go to a party to promote the next Derrick Storm novel and to start to build up hype for Nikki Heat, which had just been sent to the editors for final approval.

But Rick didn't do parties. He really, really didn't. Even in his younger days, he didn't really enjoy the idea of parties. And now there was just so much going on, going to a party really didn't seem like a good idea, but Gina wouldn't take no for an answer, going so far as to say that if he was worried about a date that _she_ would lower herself and be his date. That had just pissed Rick off. He could get his own date.

That had led him to think about Kate. There was little chance of Kate being able to go with him, even if they were now officially together once more.

That thought made him grin a bit. They had spent a lot of time talking over the last couple days and they both agreed to give their relationship another shot. Rick knew that they were both anxious to jump right into a relationship, but both of them knew that would be a bad idea, so they'd decided to go slowly. Not that Kate's injuries would allow for much jumping into anything for the foreseeable future anyway.

But it was a nice thought, being able to take Kate to one of the parties he was often forced to attend. She would hate them just as much, if not more, than he did, and they could commiserate together.

With a final sigh of resignation, Rick walked back into the hospital and made his way back through the maze of elevators and hallways to Kate's room. As he was approaching, he heard an unfamiliar man's voice. At first, he didn't think anything of it; after all, Rick had seen a large number of doctors and nurses come and go from Kate's room in the previous days.

"This is your kid?" the voice asked.

"Yeah, uh, Will, this is Alex. Alex, this is Will, an FBI friend of mine."

Rick heard his son say hello as he entered the room.

"Rick, you're back!"

Rick almost smiled at the relief on his girlfriend's face. Whoever this was, Kate's tone made clear that he was someone Kate was not happy to see.

"Yeah, got that call over with. So who won that first game?"

"Oh, I did, of course," Kate said with a smirk. "Alex can't beat me at cards yet. Oh, uh, Will, this is Rick Rodgers, my boyfriend. Rick, this is Will Sorenson."

Rick froze. He knew the name Sorenson. Kate had told him about her FBI ex-boyfriend a few months ago. Rick finally took a good look at Kate's visitor and noticed the red roses in the man's hand. Obviously, Sorenson wasn't just here to wish Kate a smooth recovery. Rick almost laughed at the feeling of jealousy flowing through him. He hadn't felt jealous of anything or anyone in over a decade, and the emotion felt so foreign to him.

Deciding to at least be polite, Rick reached out his hand for Sorenson to shake. After the two men grasped and released each other's hand, Sorenson turned back to Kate.

"I didn't know the two of you were dating," he said flatly.

Kate looked at Rick and smiled. "It's a new development."

Sorenson cleared his throat, "Well, congratulations then. I just stopped by to see that you were okay and wish you well. I'll just leave these flowers on your table there."

"Thanks, Will. I'm going to be fine, but thanks for the flowers."

Rick moved out of the doorway so Sorenson could move past, which he did swiftly. Rick turned towards Kate who was staring down at the hand of cards she still held. "Well, that was a bit awkward," he said.

Kate laughed softly. "You can say that again." Rick watched as Kate looked over at their son who had watched the entire awkward encounter with interest. "So, where were we, Alex? Oh, yes, I was just about to finish kicking your butt for the second time."

"Mom, you are such a poor winner."

"She's an even poorer loser," Rick said, walking closer and taking a seat beside Kate's bed. "When we used to play poker, she could never stand to lose."

"That's not true!" Kate protested. "I'm a very good sport when I lose - it just doesn't happen all that often."

Rick laughed. "That is so totally not true. Remember when you were like fifteen or something, we went to the arcade and I beat you at Donkey Kong? You didn't speak to me for a week!"

"We had just started dating! You were supposed to let me win!" Kate said, completely serious. It lasted a moment before all three of them broke up laughing.

-:::-

Alex watched wide-eyed as his parents bantered back and forth. They had been getting closer over the last year, but this was something completely new.

When they had told him the day before that they were together again, Alex had broken down and cried. It wasn't something that he had ever told his dad, but he had always wanted to have his mom and dad together. Telling his father about his dream before his mom came back into their lives would have just been mean, so Alex had kept it to himself.

But now it had happened. They were together and were acting almost as if they had not spent ten years away from one another. Alex didn't know what would happen next, but he was excited and couldn't wait to find out.

-:::-

 **January 16, 2011**

Kate blushed at the relieved faces on the nurses at the nurse's station. She had not been a good patient. She'd put on a good face for Rick and Alex, but when they weren't around, the pain and the constant nagging of the nurses and doctors drove her batty. She had not handled it well and had caused more than one nurse to actually transfer floors just to get away from her.

She rode in the wheelchair with as much dignity as is possible in such a situation, but Kate knew that she was going to end up getting revenge on Rick for making her ride in it when all she really wanted to do was walk to the damn car. She could walk. She was not an invalid. Even if it was only for a few steps, it was still walking.

"Stop scowling, Katie, your face will get stuck like that," Jim said from beside her. Rick was pushing her. Alex walked on the other side of her, holding her hand.

"That's what you always used to say, but I still have all of my facial expressions, thank you very much."

Alex laughed, which made Kate smile through the pain she was feeling. Sitting up for any period of time was torture, and she dreaded getting into Rick's hired SUV for the ride to her dad's apartment.

When they finally made it out of the hospital, Rick stepped around and helped Kate out of the chair. She knew that he wasn't looking forward to leaving her in her father's care, not that he didn't trust Jim. They'd talked about it and had both decided that it was better for her to stay with her dad, instead of at Rick's loft. Rick wanted her there, but Kate was worried that she'd end up ruining their fledgling relationship by being horrible to him for no reason other than her constant pain. She wouldn't risk it.

Kate groaned as Rick helped her stand and walk to the open door of the SUV.

After she was successfully squeezed into the car - there was no other word for it, as she couldn't really bend herself into the proper shape, even with the vehicle's larger proportions - she looked back at the hospital, breathing heavily. "I won't miss this place."

Rick leaned forward and kissed her on her slightly sweaty forehead. "I won't either. So, please try not to get injured again."

Kate just nodded. Rick grinned at her and then walked around to the driver's seat and got behind the wheel. Her dad got into the back seat with her, and Alex happily got to ride shotgun.

Kate snuggled back into her seat as much as she could and sighed. She couldn't get comfortable sitting up because of the wound in her abdomen, and she knew that it wasn't going to get better for weeks. The coming months were going to be terrible, and she wasn't looking forward to them at all.

But she would get through them. For Alex. And, Kate smiled, for Rick too.

-:::-

 **January 25, 2011**

Alex sat on his grandfather's sofa with his sketchbook. His mom had been very ornery over the last few days.

He understood why, of course. When he was sick he was pretty ornery too. Alex could remember one time when he had been sick and had argued with his dad over stupid stuff just because he hadn't felt so great. His dad was cool about it though, so Alex tried to be the same with his mom. He could still hear her belting out expletives aimed towards his grandfather. Some of the words were things that Alex was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to learn about for a very long time.

"She's got quite a mouth on her doesn't she?" a voice asked from beside him. Alex looked up from the scene he was drawing at the woman who had just sat beside him. He wasn't quite sure what to think about his - step-grandmother? Was that even a thing? She had told him to call her Beth, but that seemed weird.

"She doesn't like to hurt."

"No, I'd say she doesn't," Elizabeth Beckett said.

"I'm like that too, when I get sick."

"Oh, you swear like a sailor too?"

Alex blushed. "Well, no, but I yell at my dad sometimes."

"Being hurt and sick sucks. Are you doing okay?"

"I'm fine. Just worried about my mom."

"We all are, sweetheart," Beth said.

"She's going to be okay, though, right?" Alex asked. "I mean it happened weeks ago and she still…"

"She's making progress, Alex, she is. But your mom's still hurting. I think in the next couple of weeks you'll see a lot of improvement because she's going to start her physical therapy." Elizabeth paused. "Are you drawing her a picture?"

Alex nodded. "I thought it might cheer her up."

"I'm sure it will. Will you show me what you have so far?"

Alex scooted closer and offered his sketchpad. He'd been at it for almost an hour and he had a good sketch of what he was working on. It was going to be an image of his and his mom's first outing at the skating rink. He had loved skating with his mom, even if they had only just begun getting to know each other at that point.

"Wow, Alex, this is really good. You have some real talent," Elizabeth said.

Alex blushed and looked down at his lap. "Thanks," he mumbled. His dad always told him he was good, and the art teacher at school liked his work, but it was still a bit much being complimented on his art by someone he really didn't know.

"Is this a good memory?"

Alex nodded. "We went skating at Rockefeller Center a couple of months after I met my mom. It was a lot of fun."

"I bet. What other fun things have you done with your mom?" Beth asked.

For the next hour, Alex chatted with his step-grandmother. He found that she was really easy to talk to, which was nice. When Alex went into his mom's bedroom to say goodnight later that evening, he mentioned how nice her step-mom was.

"You think so?" Kate asked.

"Yeah. We talked for a while and she seems really nice. You don't think she's nice?"

Kate looked away from her son. "I think she's nice, but it's a little weird to see my dad with another woman. I've gotten a bit used to it, but it just seems weird."

"It seems weird to see you and my dad together too," Alex agreed.

Kate looked back at Alex. "Does it bother you, that your dad and I are back together?"

"No. I think it's awesome. I always wanted...I mean it's great."

Kate closed her eyes, guilt overwhelming her for a moment. Alex had been about to say that he'd always wanted her and Rick to be together, she just knew it. It broke her heart that she had kept that from happening for so long.

"I'm glad you and Dad have worked things out. Do you think you'll get married now?" Alex asked.

Kate's head shot up, eyes wide. "Married," she squeaked.

Alex just giggled and stepped forward and gave her a gentle hug and a kiss on the cheek. Kate mechanically hugged back and then watched as Alex scampered out of the room.

Married? Alex wanted her and Rick to get married? Slowly a small smile started to form on her face. It didn't sound like such a bad idea, now that she thought about it. Maybe someday she and Rick could make that happen.

-:::-

 **a.n.2. There's that. Not much of note in this but we're coming to a close here, so the dramatic moments are going to be much fewer now than they were before.**

 **No clue on when the next chapter will be here. Hopefully, I'll get started on it in the next week or so.**


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